Help - my son

[allatsea]

I have been reading through the threads on this forum and seen the same story time and time again. Last week my son slept with a girl. The next morning he kissed her goodbye at 6 am and came home. At 10 am the police were on our doorstep arresting him for raping this girl. He says it was absolutely consensual - he even liked her so much he was going to call her that morning with a view to seeing her and even forming a more long term relationship (he liked her that much). We found out almost straight away that she has a long-time boyfriend who is very jealous and controlling. It seems that she slept with my son and was then afraid to admit to her bf that it was consensual - it turns out that this girl is the friend of my middle son's girlfriend and she describes her as a 'compulsive liar'. Of course, this doesn't help us. We have done the right things, it seems, by getting a good criminal solicitor and advising our son not to say anything to the police without the solicitor present. Our son gave the solicitor permission to tell us anything and everything (he is 18 and an adult) and she said she didn't want to 'get our hopes up' but son gave very good account of himself and the sex was 'obviously consensual'. He has been released on bail with no restrictions on it other than to turn up in October (for reasons I can't go into the police are being very accomodating about return dates etc). The girl who owns the flat this was supposed to have happened in actually phoned our house 48 hours later to see how our son was and say she had been interviewed by the police and that she didn't believe our son did what this girl said he had. I just feel totally lost and can hardly function. Our son will only go to the supermarket or stay in. Nothing else to say really except that I don't trust our justice system. Son is in an occupation that will see him thrown out immediately if he is convicted for something he didn't do.

[allatsea]

anybody? a word of comfort? I feel so lost.

[goldfish]

Hi Allatsea

Sorry to here the position your son is in, my husband is unfortunatly in a similar position. I know from experience how shocking and devastating the whole thing is, the first few days, weeks and months are awful, I could hardly function let alone my husband. You have a criminal solicitor which is good, just continue to gather as much information and evidence as you can and pass it on to them. Your son will need all the support of his family as this could turn out to be a long haul. Read through the other threads and look for any information which may help your son. Others may offer better advice later.

[allatsea]

thank you. I'm sorry you are you going through the same thing x

[Casehardened]

Hello Allatsea,

Welcome to the site, though obviously it is awful for you that you have needed to search for it.

As you say, you have done all the right things, especially by picking your own solicitor rather than relying on a duty one. 'If' the matter goes any further, perish the thought, you may want to consider one who specialises in defending false accusations, of course this may be already be the case.

As I usually say, once the 'victim' has uttered the magic word 'rape' the police are obliged by their guidelines to arrest & question the 'accused' person, whatever their personal opinions are, so while the arrest & police station stuff is traumatic, it is standard procedure.

It is a positive that your son hasn't been charged and hasn't had bail conditions applied but be prepared for him to be rebailed in October, the wheels of the CPS grind exceedingly slowly. To feel that you're doing something useful while waiting, collate any evidence to show that the girl went back to the flat willingly: any witnesses who saw them together prior to the incident; any CCTV footage; any texts or mobile messages prior to or after the incident; if fact anything to prove it was consensual.

Incidentally, you mentioned that your son was 18, I assume therefore it is likely that the girl is over 16 (if she is a minor it would be statutory rape as she couldn't consent)

[LS]

CH
I take it you mean if she is "under 18." They are still minors until they are 18. Just didn't want any false hopes given.

[Rights Fighter]

Age of consent for sex is 16 years I think you will find LS


http://www.channel4.com/health/micro...c_debate.shtml


http://www.beinggirl.co.uk/sexrel/ageofconsent.php


http://www.brook.org.uk/my-rights/se...hts/having-sex

[Casehardened]

CH
I take it you mean if she is "under 18." They are still minors until they are 18. Just didn't want any false hopes given.

LS,

This is a bit of a can of worms I'm afraid and I can't say I know the definitive answer. As RF says, the AOC for a normal relationship is 16, but if any money changes hands (speaking figuratively as this is not the case for Allatsea's son) than I believe the notational age jumps to 18, so an unwary 'punter' could be caught for child abuse or rape

[Rights Fighter]

As CH states "this is not the case for Allatsea's son" - payment for sex is not part of this case so it can be completely ignored in this instance.

We will have to wait for AaS to come back to clarify the complainant's age for us.

[LS]

Hmmm, I can only comment on my own particular circumstances. It's a moot point, but generally as far as the police are concerned anyone under 18 is a minor, so it would be wrong to assume that in certain cases the female being over 16 (but under 18) might be either safe or a defence.

I would urge people to err on the side of caution, as the police only go by "over 18" or "under 18". This is particular so in areas such as looking for indecent images; they do not go looking for those of under 16s - it is Under 18. It is certainly my understanding that under 18s are classed as minors.

I'm not saying you are wrong, but I wouldn't want to tell someone that it's okay if the female was over 16; only for them to find out the police and cps then charge on the basis that the female was under 18.

[Rights Fighter]

We will have to wait for the OP to come back as it may not apply in any event.

I think that the 16/18 age ratio applies if the complainant has learning difficulties or special needs.

In all of the (alleged) child sex abuse cases I have dealt with (and there have been many!) the indictment is careful to state that the "victim" is "a female under the age of 16 years" - which ensures convictions for child sex abuse allegations in order to increase those targets.

Goal posts are deliberately widened/narrowed to allow for this and "memories fading due to the passage of time".

In the OP's case this is not relevant of course.

[witsend]

Dear Allatsea, glad you found your way here, but sorry it's under such awful circumstances. As you have read some of the other threads you will be aware that others have been through or are still going through the same sort of situation. So please remember you and your son are not alone. Has your son been to his GP to tell him what has happened? he may be able to give him some medication whilst he is going through this. I ended up on some serious meds whilst our sons case was being dealt with and please believe me, they helped. Some how you have to stay strong for your son and please don't worry about him not wanting to go out as this seems quite normal for a lot of people. keep coming back and we will help the best we can

[LS]

Age of consent for sex is 16 years I think you will find LS

Thanks RF, I knew the AOC was 16, but they are still minors until 18. A 17 year old girl can legally have, and consent to intercourse but because she would be under 18 I'm led to believe the police would view it as underage sex, or the lovely term Sexual Offence with a Child.
Been there (apparently), got the label.....

Anyway, as said, it may not apply with the OP.

[allatsea]

Thank you everyone for all the posts. To clarify the bail sheet says 'of a woman over the age of 16' and she is either 18 or 19 anyway and no money changed hands. My middle son, 16, can't understand why we are down about it as he thinks that as ES didn't do what he's been accused of and the 'witnesses' appear to be on my son's side and there is no evidence except her say so, that my son won't be charged. I'm afraid I lost it and told him he was being naive and not very politely. As for visiting his GP he can't - he doesn't live here and has to return to where he is staying in two weeks time.

[LS]

As Casehardened said, all you can do really is to knuckle down for the long haul and just make a note of any messages or phone calls which may prove useful, such as any from the girl concerned.
Apart from that there isn't really very much you can do. It is very easy to let this get on top of you and the stress will drag you all down, and October is a fair while away. You can let off steam here whenever, but to a large extent it's all in the hands of the police and cps and not a huge amount you can do until they show their hand.