Life In Tatters

[utterlydestroyed]

Gareth...hang on in there!

This is a fantasitic site (God knows it helped me) & there are some fab people here RFLH, RF, SAFFRON, and a few others. It's not a cure all but people here REALLY REALLY know what you are going through. We all have different coping mechanisims...and my own is abrassive to some, because I tell it like it is.

However, I will not sugarcoat my genuine concerns, knowledge, facts & experiences regarding the corruption, dishonesty & failings of the Devon & Cornwall Constabulary.

I too was driven too attempt to take my own life as a DIRECT result & consequence of the Cornwall police misconduct...but I did not let the Cornwall police Bast*rds grind me down. The false accuser might initiate the abuse, but its the police who compound the violation trauma & abuse of falsely accused. Sorry but there is NO WAY to sugar coat that.

I am GENUINELY concerned that you are in the Devon & Cornwall Constabulary area, knowing what I do about the corruption within this particular police force. I did mention your case yesterday to the Devon & Cornwall Constabulary Independent Advisory Group LGBT strand vice chair yesterday (The Chair is DCC Chief Constable Stephen Otter), I know its not an LGBT matter but it struck a cord (and the vice chair is well versed & knowledgable of my own case of multiple Devon & Cornwall police abuses)

Bottom line;- Get a good brief (solicitor, a specialist, not a duty lawyer who relies on the local police for his business) ...RFLH or RF will hopefully point you in the right direction on that one.

DO NOT TRUST THE POLICE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!! (You only have to read through these threads to see time & again how badly police treat victims of false allegation & their families)

I buried a gay friend in Cornwall who took his own life following arrest by police. Suicide, besides the victim, it is devestating to family and friends, and the violators and police are the only victors. DON'T DO IT...just by continuing to live it is a little victory against those who would/do/have violated you!

I DO, DO, DO, genuinely understand where you are at (as will many others here who can empathise by personal experience)

You have already found the greatest support site regarding false allegation there is....there is nothing else really quite like it. (Someone make daftmoo a Saint for starting this)

THE HOPE for you is ...some of us DO win...not that we get ANY real justice as the system is corrupt & does little or nothing about the false accusers. Its a hard learning curve and come on sunshine, if you've been in the nick already & survived which you did, yer probably tougher than you actually realise or feel right now.

Here, right here are good people (RFLH, RF & Saffron) who really understand & can empathise...your in the right forum.

[RFLH]

Thanks UD.

[Rights Fighter]

RFLH should by now have passed on the details of a recommended solicitor (my recommendation) in Exeter, to Gareth.

[friday]

glad you found us but sorry it is under these circumstances. i can't offer any advice on the legal side of things but know all too well what it is like to lose hope and contemplate giving up on life. there are lots of people willing to listen both here and offline.

samaritans are available 24/7 on 08457 90 90 90 and saneline are available 6-11pm 7 days a week on 0845 767 8000 and can give information about services in your area and how to access them as well as offer telephone support in a similar way to samaritans. you could also check out mind in your area
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/mind_in_...+1PY&x=14&y=10
http://www.westcornwallmind.com/inde...d=22&Itemid=40
(i did a search using a postcode from devon and cornwall but obviously you can put in your postcode to get a better idea). they have things like befriending services, counselling, groups etc

things will get better and there are people who want to help you. don't lose hope.

just wanted to add that medication takes a while to work as others have said but also what helps one person won't necessarily help another so if this one doesn't help there are still many different classes of anti depressant that may help. if you are on the medication i think you are from your description of its side effects (name begins with m) then i know a number of people it has really helped but i was not one of them, in fact it made me worse. give it a fair trial but if you don't think it is helping don't hesitate to tell your doctor and they will be able to try a different class. sorry for psychology/psychiatry babbling....

[gareth589]

Well its been a day of sadness all round and as a grown man, I have found myself crying and watching the heartache it has caused to the mother of my child reading this and having to find out stuff that I had not mentioned to her, as was embarresed.

With regards to me being raped, my ex knows fully about this and the pain i went through, ending up in hospital then trying to hang myself having to be cut down by people.

I contacted my phone provider today and asked them to send me all my contract phone bills since last year, and will go through each page highlighting when i have called her or texted her. Will try to show a pattern that we have been in contact. Was advised that because she is on 02 Pay As You Go.

They may not have her call logs or text history, she has had the same number since i met her.
Does anyone know if the contents of text messages are stored and can my legal team obtain them, as it would show the naked pictures she has sent me within the last few months.

I am a grown man, but feel a little boy, trying to work today, I find myself taking time to think about things that i would not normally do.

I am worried, My mum is very poorly with possible lung cancer and other major problems, and spends her time in and out of hospital, what happens if she was to die while in prison i could not cope. So much fear is running through me that I am crying and feel the weight coming of more and more.

The mother of my daughter is so sad by the heartache this has caused and i feel bad for putting my family i love and care for in this mess, all because I wanted to settle a grudge and pay my best mate back for shafting.

I am happy to go in front of any jury and can accept i did act bad as being a player but to be classed as a rapist, is not me. Hot headed i can accept but this never.

[utterlydestroyed]

Hi again Gareth

Good, your fighting back RE; text records. Write down all the text msgs, inc the log no & times and you keep a written record of them. (Just in case plod have your phone away), likewise keep copies of any supportive statements you get, they can be a great comfort to read when it seems a bit dark.

Although 'friday' made a valid suggestion regarding 'mind' organisation, if you are in Cornwall I'd be very wary of them.

Cornwall Mental Health services point blank refused to give an support or assistance, even after I had attempted suicide. (which is probably why Cornwall has the highest gay suicide levels west of Hampshire & south of Gloustershire). Unfortunately in my case (being gay) the Local Cornwall Gay Men's Health project (known as 'Healthy Gay Cornwall') also point blank refused any help or assistance, but then they did have a dishonest copper whispering in their ear, who thank God has now left the force.

If you have a good and supportive GP, stick with them.

My own Cornish GP refused to treat me after I explained I had attempted suicide and had been accused of rape (but then she is Catholic & does have a sign up in her office stating she will not treat any women seeking termination of a pregnancy).

I have gone the last three years without a doctor or any medical support. But that's what Cornwall is like, its not the nice picture postcard place its depicted to be, but rather primative & backward still, I suspect Devon to be very similar.

I never leave the house unaccompanied, and stopped driving over two years ago due to relentles targeting by police even after the case had been NO CRIMED. (which is difficult as I live over 5miles from the nearest town). Fortunately I have stalwart friends & family, but even they have been subjected to vile Cornwall police abuses & misconduct.

When I was suicidal and contacted 'Cornwall Victim Support' and explained I had been accused of rape...they just hung up on me, but again they are unduly influenced by the corrupt local Cornish police force. I found Samaritans helpful, but I kept it all anonymous after my unpleasent experiences of refusal of health care from Cornwall Mental Health providers, Cornwall Victim Support, Healthy Gay Cornwall & my own GP.

I would loved to have stuffed the letter from the police in which they finally admitted two years later that it was a false allegation right up my prejudicial & homophobic doctors nostril, as for the swines in the Healthy Gay Cornwall project, quite frankly I hope they all rot in Hell from some really unpleasent STD's. Mind you I am of the same opion of another abusive organisation called the "Intercom Trust" based in Devon. GRRRRR!

You fight back Gareth, but you may discover its all a bit 'Alice in Wonderland' with those officials you think should be supportive & honest, like the judicial system, health providers, police, church & government funded support organisations...are anything but supportive once your FALSELY accussed of rape! I'm sorry, but too many people are bloody niave about these things.

KEEP FIGHTING BACK

[LS]

utterlydestroyed has summed up exactly the way I feel, Gareth, but as he says you have to keep on keeping on otherwise the b******s have won. Just be prepared that people you thought had a moral duty to help, do anything but.

I had my first inkling of just those encounters when I was being blackmailed by my probation "officer". He wanted the names of every single person in my family under the age of 18. Well, I'd just moved to the new area my family had moved to, which I hadn't been to for almost 30 years, when I was under 10 years old, so I hadn't a clue who most of my relatives were. My mum's from a family of 11, so you imagine the number of kids (my cousins) and now their kids (?) that there are just so many I wouldn't know any of them from adam if I bumped into them in the street. But he wanted them all; names, addresses, dates of birth etc, well I barely know any of them, and of those I did know (by sight) I had virtually no way of being privy to the info he wanted. And because I was on licence, it carried the threat that if I failed to comply, then he would have me recalled back to prison for the remaining 14 months. Blackmail.

So I complained to the MP for my area, a north-of-the-border ignorant t**t called McCabe. I only got as far as his secretary, who asked what I wanted to speak to him about, and what my conviction was for, and took the POs details and number, and then lo and behold, without speaking to me to discuss my complaint McCabe spoke at length to him and then had the audacity to ring me up to say that as far as he was concerned I was not being blackmailed or discriminated against.
Now I thought your MP was the one you turned to for help. I certainly didn't expect them to turn round and say oh, I'm not going to help you because as far as I'm concerned you're making it all up. However, they look at what you're convicted or accused of, regardless of innocence, and treat you as dirt.
I would gladly have planted a duck house in his lawn and called the Sunday toilet roll.

No police force is any better than the rest, they are all dishonest to a degree. Some have a good reputation, but as far as I've seen they've got that through greasing palms, because there is absolutely no way they've earned such respect when you see how they are. They dictate that "suicide" victims at an army base in their "jurisdiction" shot themselves repeatedly. Repeatedly! Suicides? That would be a world first for a dead person to shoot themself more than once.

You will find that they all have something in common - they will step on/in/over everyone who gets in their way. They are rabid in their pursuit of clearup figures/convictions so that they can get promotion and the pay rise it accords, and often a commendation. Unfortunately some forces give out commendations so often it's like confetti - when everyone around you's got one, it's not so worthy.

The point is, Gareth, they can have you convicted and labelled as something which you are not. It does not make you one. Once they've done their level best to screw you over, they forget you. By sticking around, you are a constant thorn in their side and they cannot forget you. At least for the term of the SO Register, if you're convicted, they're not allowed to forget you. And if your case is NFA'd you can be just as much a thorn in their side as you can see by utterdestroyed's keeping tabs on what they're up to.

What I'm saying is, what you think is the worst really isn't. I've been accused and convicted of worse than you're looking at, and I'm still here, still a pain in their ar*e because they don't know if I'm going to keep quiet or if today's the day when their past deeds are on the front pages from here to Tokyo, along with all the proof. Of one thing I am sure - they can't guarantee my silence because no matter where I am others can put it in the open. Very public open.
So you see, the worst is not the worst. You still have a life, you still have a family and just for those two facts alone you can wake up every morning and, when you look at another beautiful day, stick two fingers up at the system. It's another day They Lost.

Keep fighting back. The day you don't, they win.

[gareth589]

Well woke up this morning still with this gloom of dread and sadness looming over me, I see my partner sad and hurt and cant be there in the way she wants me to be there helping with my daughter.

Instead, I am constantly winding myself up and going over and over the fact i just did not do it.
Reading yet another post, where a guy was on bail, a reply on this was be aware The Police could add further chargers, this is something i have thought non stop about.

In my eyes, my ex is so bitter and angry towards me, and now that she has ex best mate in her life, she will feel all tough and strong. I am thinking and have said to my partner I wonder what further lies she will tell. She really does live in a fantasy world, still remember her telling me that she had 50k left to her by her dad, did i want to hook up with her, said I was not interested.

She said she had all the messages, I just wish that the Police had access to the contents of all the text messages she had sent me, as if they could see the contents, they would see the blackmail she carried out, the stalking she did.

I kick myself I was not clever enough to store the messages as i did not want my partner looking through my phone, as i knew it would cause trouble with her and i did not want to hurt her.

I still feel like ending it and battle NOT to do this, I sat in my van yesterday and put my hosepipe in to the cab and sat there crying at what a mess i am in.

I have wrote letters to my dearest and am so broken, I am now on msn having her change her display names to comments that are aimed at me in a indirect way, also saying she want to talk to me through msn.

Life really sucks and I cant cope, so in morning will be making the call to my doctor.

[LS]

Gareth keep a copy of those msn messages. It is very important.

Good you're going to see your GP, you need to be able to get through this and either counselling or antidepressants will help.

[RFLH]

Gareth - I sent you a link to Mayflower - please use it, don't hang about.

[gareth589]

RFLH.

Not got the link, could you resend please.

Thanks

Gareth

[utterlydestroyed]

What LD said :-

Keep fighting back. The day you don't, they win.

Absoloutley!!! If anyone doubts the total lack of 'accountability' & wholesale corruption of todays UK police officers...simply cast your mind back to the very public case of the police public execution of the innocent man, Charles De Menezes in the Stockwell tube incident. (Seven police bullets at point blank range in the head is NO accident). For me (besides my own experiences) that police killing has become the benchmark of police corruption & dishonesty. The public humiliation of multiple police lies & misinformation in their (police) proven trying to cover up this brutal police killing which was whitewashed by the IPCC, CPS, Senior Police & the Judicial System.

(A) No police officers have ever been held truely accountable
( The IPCC were completely and utterly ineffectual in protecting the public from this sort of gross police abuse of power, even where in that case a member of the public was butchered by police.

Evil is when good men (or women) do nothing...and 'nothing' is being done about police dishonesty, corruption & criminality as is protected within todays police forces (in particular within the loathsome Devon & Cornwal Constabulary)

Fight Gareth, fight every single step of the way, with every once of strength you can muster
FALSE RAPE ALLEGATION & the abusive & abysmal way police deal with it must be brought into the public arena.

[gareth589]

Hi All.

Well thought I would update on things and have to say as i right this, I am feeling worse, took more tablets today to try and get through the day and the strain is starting to show as i have sties in both eyes and no am at the giving up point and just feel like saying for christ sake just put me in prison.

Least this way it all ends and I can start to rebuild my life.

I made contact with a Police Inspector that has dealt with previous complaints and always found him to treat me in a polite manner and deal with the complaints, although not always to the outcome I had hoped for, over the past 4 years he has been fair.

I explained to him the whole story and events and the evidence that I have, and he said to me yesterday, from what he saw it as was it was a verbal allegation and my world against hers, and that I had a lot of circumstantial evidence, and that it would go no where.

He said he would make contact with the Officer dealing with the case and was honest in saying that he would not beable to tell me certain info, but he would make sure that the case was dealt with in the correct way.

Today, the girlfriend that witnessed the pictures was contacted by the officer leading the case, and he asked her what she knew and she was honest and said she was aware of the picture and my ex's stalking issues.

The girlfriend has said she would go down to the station to give a statement, I said to her that before she did this, I wanted to make sure that my Solicitor was happy with this, As i am concerned that the Police will try and use this against me, and I don't want to give them nothing on me, as it feels that this officer is very keen to nail me.

I called the officer and informed him of this, he became quite defensive telling me i have no right to do this and that I am interfering with a witness.

I said I did not agree, and he was quite rude and said he was not prepared to discus this any further.
This set my mind in to overdrive and made me think, that the reason they want this girlfriend to give a statement, is because my ex has no made it formal and they are building a case against me. Do people think I am overreacting?

This stressed me out and got me all upset and i was back to crying and thinking i am going to prison.
I called back the inspector again today as was worried in the way in which the officer id dealing with the case.

He said that he had told the officer he would not touch the case but wanted me to be informed that once they knew what was happening i was to be told, as it was not fair to my mental state or mind or health.
I asked the inspector had my ex made a written statement, he could not answer, but said that it could of been done via what is called a video interview, as she could be being classed as a vunrable witness.

I again asked him what he felt , and he said he still felt it was my word against hers.
I have now spent the day in complete bits and now am going to fold my business, I am at the doctors tomorrow to see what they can do, as i cant bear this heartache or emotional stress no more.

I tried to speak to my solicitor again today and he sadly was in hospital, i had his very abrupt secretary be quite blunt, i accept i called about 4 times, but i needed the support of them, and am finding that i have my worries.

Could anyone sort of clear up what they think could be happening.
I am still not sure how to go about defending this and where to start.
Would it be a good idea, to write from when I first met my ex till the present day with the events and things we have done.

Some of it will paint me in a bad way as it looks like i am a complete male slag, I accept i was a player and had a few different girls on the girl, but to be in this position is killing me as i really did not do what she said.

I welcome people's views.

Gareth

[LS]

Well, it certainly seems that the OIC is peed off that you've turned your partner into a witness for your side. Like you, I think it's unreasonable of him to expect that your partner shouldn't be spoken to by you and asked to state her facts. I think what the OIC wanted to do was turn her against you and get her to say something which he hoped would go against you. Nice to show he got proved wrong.

It does seem hopeful, Gareth, especially as he seems to think it would go nowhere. As we say, chin up, keep thinking ahead.

[RFLH]

Please don't hand them anything else that they could use. Keep what you have for your solicitor, they'll take and turn it against you.

I know I keep saying it, but take a step back and wait to see what they do. You may be putting yourselves through hell for nothing.

Try to keep a bit calmer and don't abuse any meds. Keep coming back and writing - if you don't want to make it public, write it down on paper and then rip it up. Pour out the bile and the hatred onto the page and destroy - its therapeutic.