sickening

[cantthinkstraight]

Hi,
I am absolutely numb after being falsely accused of raping a girl with my friend.
I really dont know what to do, I know I am innocent and my wife has not doubted me once but I feel like even she is now getting fed up with my inability to come to terms with the fact that if the police do their job properly everything will be found to be lies.
Although I understand this, I still cant help feeling horribly ill on a constant basis. I cannot eat, my stomach is constantly cramped, I retch alot when I think of these terrible things she has accused me of and I just cannot function, my whole day consists of terrible thoughts whirling round my head.
I am desperate, I have even contemplated the worst. I have a 6 month old son who is my world and I cannot bear to think of him being whithout a father, this is the only thing keeping me positive.

My friend was very drunk and can bearly remember having sex with this girl, which she has admitted was consented to. however she then says that I raped her and forced her to do just about everything u can think of and as he didnt stop it he was accomplise or something. Althought there was a very brief touching I did not have sex with this girl, I know this, but all the questions and accusations make ur head spin and u start to 2nd guess urself. You start to question urself, I had a drink and although its a little hazy I am sure i would remember having sex as I remember most everything else and did not drink as much as the others. But u ask urself, could it have happened? I know one thing for sure, I would never hurt anyone let alone rape.
The police i feel treated me terribly, they took me from home at 6am, denied me water and a toilet and humiliated me with penile swabs and every other swap and sample they could get, I refused a solicitor as I have nothing to hide and they took full advantage of me until I asked for one.... 10 mins later i was released.

I must now go to speak with my solicitor and will probably post again on return as I really need to get this out somehow.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to let people know how im feeling, i really need help and reasurance.

[witsend]

Dear Cantthinkstraight. Well, sorry you have found your way here but you really have come to the right place. First off, is your sol the duty solicitor or have you got your own? You are going to feel awful but rest assured you are not alone. Maybe you should go to your GP and explain what has happened then you may get some help from him especially as you are feeling soooo bad. Please bear your family in mind, if you did anything drastic how would they feel? This whole process is going to take time, so please keep coming back here for advice and support.

[cantthinkstraight]

Hi Witsend, thanks for your comment.
To answer your question, I denied representation until a long time after the interview had finished, I only asked for a solicitor as I was frustrated at not having my questions answered as to why I was still in a cell in the evening. I then recieved a call from the DUTY solicitor who told me I would be realised in 10 minutes. I was then bailed to return in 6 weeks and have just returned from meeting said duty solicitor. He was quite vague but basically said it would come down to a matter of consent.
I would have thought that the forensic evidence proving her allegations incorrect would be enough to absolve me but he wasnt forthcoming with confirmation of this although he did say it would help.
I have booked myself a doctors appointment for this afternoon, and although I'm wholely embarrassed I think I will ask for them to check my body as I obviously have no marks from her defending against these allegations, I'm hoping this might help as evidence as it wasnt done at the police station.
My week hasnt been good, on top of this I found last week that I have lost my job and so I dont have the funds to appoint a specialist in this area, so I'm having to make do with the advise I can get free. I'm not really familiar with any of this not having any previous experience with law.

[RFLH]

You should be able to get public funding - I'm sure that Rights Fighter will be able to advise you better on this than I can. But you must not have a duty solicitor - you need one who specialises in this type of cases.

Write down in minute detail everything that you can remember.

I'm sorry that you've found yourself here, its such a shame that most of the people who do end up here do so because of drinking too much. I will get off my soapbox now!!

[Rights Fighter]

Please would you post up the county you are in (not town as any passing police investigator who monitors this site might recognise the case) so I can see if I know a solicitor who specialises in false allegations?

You are automatically eligible for public funding as this would be a Crown court matter.

However, at this time you have not been charged so there will be little or no paperwork filtering through so not a lot can be done at this stage by a solicitor.

[cantthinkstraight]

Guys thx for taking an interest and advising
My current location is East Sussex.

[goldfish]

Thanks for putting your thoughts and feelings into writing. My husband is having the same feelings as you, constantly going over everything and even having low moments of self doubt. I'm sorry you don't have your job now, this is the main thing that keeps my husband going. Your wife and son will need you more now through this difficult time just as much as you will need them. It's not easy but try to stay strong , unfortunatly there appear to be many others going through the same traumatic circumstance. Use all the helpfull advice on this forum.

[Rights Fighter]

These have been recommended to me but I have had no personal dealings with them so cannot comment:

Rixons Solicitors
12 Cheriton Pl,
Folkestone,
Kent
CT20 2AZ

Phone: 01303 850090


I know that Bill Bache will undertake trials out of their own area - they are in Salisbury:

http://www.williambache.co.uk/

They would come with my personal recommendation.


I cannot find any recommended solicitors any closer but that is not to say that there are none.

[cantthinkstraight]

Rights Fighter, thanks so much for taking the time to pass on those details, I have been in contact with William Bache and am awaiting a form "to see if they can help"

I feel a little better today physically, after seeing the doctor yesterday and obtaining a prescription, I was actually able to eat a meal for the 1st time in 3 days. My brain is slowing due to medication and I grabbed 5 needed hrs sleep too, although its not a great sleep its much more than I have managed previously and I feel its a step forward.

I still cant make it outside for anything other than neccessity, or on my own. It feels like everyone is looking at me and judging me, I feel like I could be attacked at any time for no reason... I have noticed others have had similar experiences, but how to get through it?

Im trying really hard to be positive and push any negativity from my mind today and I've decided on docs reccommendation to look for counciling.

Crossing my fingers today will be easier to get through.

[RFLH]

you just do - everyone has such inner strength to call on when things like this happen - you can't give up or give in, otherwise the wrongdoers win again.

[witsend]

dear cantthinkstraight. So glad you went to your gp.Getting some sleep is a great step. As for going out, well I think at some stage most of us have gone through that along with the paranoia. Everybody looking at you, and frightened something bad is going to happen, seems, for some of us, a normal reaction to the situation you have found yourself in. All I can suggest is you take things at a pace you find comfortable. If you need someone impartial to talk to ring the Samaritans. I can only speak from our experience but our son has found counseling helpful, MIND may be able to help with that. We managed to get 8 weeks counseling for him. They are on the web. Try to stay strong for your family and please take care of yourself.

[cantthinkstraight]

Uuuh, so sick of this now! My wife has had enough and is threatening to leave and take my boy with her, I cant get out to look for a new job after being made redundant and I'm tired of jumping everytime the door bell rings, I'm sorry this isn't very contructive I just need to get some of this poison out of me.
Last week my friend has had a workmate whose girlfriend knows best mate of my accuser (if that makes sense) approach him and say that she's (accuser) been told by police that they are gonna drop it due to lack of evidence. I was advised on my release to wait a week and call the DC investigating to see if I could have my property back. I made the call to said DC and just asked for my property hoping he would say forget it and get on with ur life, but he didn't. Instead he advised me that the investigation was ongoing but if I was to wait another week and call back he hoped to be in a position to make a decision then.
Since then another of her friends has approach my mate at work and said that the police have dropped it as she apparently admitted to never saying "no" to any of the alleged incidents (which never bloody happened anyway!).
All this is probably nosey people stirring or something but its taking me on a rollercoaster ride and I dont want to hear it from anyone but the police. Surely if it was true I would have been told by now that it was dropped by the police, but on the other hand why would the DC tell me to call back in a week and that he hoped a decision would have been made when I'm not due to return on bail for another 6 weeks?
Has anyone had similar experiences? am I mad to hope, or just mad to listen?
I just want this dealt with so I can keep my family and move on. I even put our property up for sale as I just don't want to be here anymore for fear of attack on myself or my family from stupid people that believe her lies.
So confused!

[Rights Fighter]

It sounds like somebody is trying to keep you upbeat by bull****ting you.

I get into so much trouble for telling people how things really are but it is by far the best way - it's pointless giving false hope.

It could also be that the accuser is playing games of course, and sending false messages.

It's a waiting game. Sorry you are having to put up with this rubbish.