desperate for some good honest advice. Please help.

[devartated]

My husband and I just had our 2nd child 15 days ago. When our daughter was just 11 days old my mum in law came to our house to tell my husband the police were looking for him. Puzzled by what they could want my husband went straight to the police station where he was straight away arrested and questioned for 7 hours following an allegation made by his ex partners cousin that he had raped her when she was 12 and then went on to have a consentual 2 year relationship with her in 2004. The first I knew about this was when 3 police turned up at my home to search my home for a mobile phone which apparently had a text message on there from the girl asking my husband to meet up with her to which according to the girl he replied ok. As far as Im aware this is the only evidence they have against him. His ex partner and some of her family have given statements saying no way could this have happened and they have no doubts that this allegation is false. We now have social services on our backs and my husband is sinking deeper and deeper into depression every day and Im at my wits end. He has swore to me this is all bull and has told the police what girl in their right mind would want a relationship with a man who would have raped her. He has been bailed for 7 weeks but not charged. Does anybody have any reassuring advice for me?

[LS]

Hi Devastated, sorry to find you here.
The first thing which you need to do is get your partner to go and see a GP. At this time he needs to be sharp and focused, and depression is the worst place to be in the middle of all of this.

At first glance, if the most the police have to go on is a missing mobile phone then great. To be honest I'm surprised they feel they need it, as the girl's word is enough, these days, to get a conviction. The fact that many of her own family are casting doubts is a good sign. Many would gang up and support her regardless.
If there is likely to be any previous evidence of any contact with her, or indeed any future contact with any of her family, then it needs to be documented and kept safely. Store anything like that on memory sticks and get them out of the house, as mobiles, laptops or pcs will be fair game for the police to seize, if they haven't done so already.

Unfortunately the SS may be a problem. Often they've barred accused men from the family home, and then done everything in their power to get the partner to turn against him. If that fails then they may resort to blackmail by saying that if you wish to continue seeing him then your child goes nowhere near him, as you will be placing your child "at risk" and threats to take your children off you are not unheard of. I'm sorry to say it, but expect a rocky ride with the SS, they are not to be underestimated.

For the moment there isn't really much you can do as a couple, until the police and cps decide what to do. You could start looking for a specialist solicitor in your area, because a duty one will be less than useless in the event that things proceed. Until then, try to keep strong, and keep busy and try to support your husband as best you can, and come here as often as you like and we'll do the best we can to support you.

[LS]

Also, be careful what you write here, as the police do monitor the site for information which might be useful to their cause. If there is anything you are unsure of posting, you can pm any of us mods for help and advice without it being public. That's me, LS, RFLH, Friday, Saffron and RF.

[Rights Fighter]

He has swore to me this is all bull and has told the police what girl in their right mind would want a relationship with a man who would have raped her.

Did he say this in irony or is he admitting to having a consensual relationship with her?

[witsend]

Sorry you had to find your way here, but you have come to a really good place for support and information. Please get hubby to see his G.P.as the depression may only get worse. I know that this is a very difficult time for all of you, we've all been in very similar situations, some are still going through the living nightmare of a false accusation, others of us have been lucky and the cases have NFA'd. Please keep coming back here. Thinking of you.

[devartated]

Hi Rights fighter. No he has never had any contact with her sexually. She was nothing more to him than the cousin of his then partner who used to babysit his children. He did tell the police he thought she had a crush on him at the time. This is all such a mess. I cant believe that 6 years down the line this girl can just spout all these lies and pull my family apart in this way.

[Rights Fighter]

See if you can find witnesses who would state that they knew that she had a crush on him at the material time. Motives for lying can be sometimes the best evidence.

[devartated]

Hey everyone! Just wanted to share the good news that my husband went to answer bail today and was told that there was a big fat NFA!!!!! hooray! Im sooo relieved and happy and over the moon and every other excitable emotion there is!

Just wanted to say to everybody who is in this absolutely appauling situation where they are wrongly accused to hang in there and not to give up hope!! I Hope you all get the NFA's you all deserve and my thoughts and prayers go out to you all. God knows I know what your going through xxxxx

[LS]

Congratulations!
Another case of common sense has prevailed...

[Casehardened]

Brilliant, what a relief for you and your husband

It's good too that it was 'only' 7 weeks, perhaps the new government and the necessary financial stringency have put the boot up the backside of the CPS to stop them wasting time and resources on 'teen angst' cases!

However be prepared for your husband not to feel 'normal' for some more months.

[0990]

thats great news congrats

[witsend]

Thats great news

[Saffron]

Fantastic news. I hope you and your hubby can put this behind you.

[Rights Fighter]

Great news! If you can afford to, go away for a few days to clear the cobwebs!!

[worriedfather]

Nice debate going on on the bbc news website... about the lack of Anonymity for those accused of rape, most seem to back anonymity