Worried for my son

[Butterfly3030]

My son was asked to attend the local police station yesterday, he went along at 1245 (after it had been postponed by them 3 times) and was kept there until after 6pm. He has been charged with 2 counts of rape, 1 with a minor aged 15. He is devastated and shaking with disbelief, as we all are. The girls involved are ones that have cried "rape" before and it has turned out to be untrue. He had a very brief non-sexual relationship with one of them and spent the night at a friend's house the same time as the other girl was staying there. The claims are from last autumn. I don't know what to type I am in such a state of despair. How can they be so cruel? My son would never do such a thing and he is now saying that he will never trust anyone again and will never have a girlfriend again, nor will he every marry. he is a loving, caring human being whose life is being destroyed by 2 people with no concern for others. I don't know how to support him other than by being here for him. My husband (his step-dad) recently became seriously ill and this is making him worse, I have to work in the same establishment as one of these girls and I don't know what she looks like so I will not be talking to ANY of the girls there. We are so close to breaking down , what do we do? His solicitor seems to know what she is doing and has prepared us for the next stage, they will either choose to prosecute or drop the whole case through lack of evidence. Any advice, prayers or anything that will help us through this will be appreciated.

[Saffron]

Hi Butterfly, I'm sorry you have had to find us but glad you did.

Has your son actually been charged? The usual process is that he would be arrested, questioned and then released on bail pending further investigation. Charges usually take some time to be brought.

First off, make sure you get a good solicitor - one who is a specialist in defending false allegations of sexual assault. That is very important.

These girls have made simialr allegations before - your sol should be onto that quick as wink.

Get your son to his GP. There is not a huge amount you can do apart from be there for him. Make sure you look after yourself too. Being the "strong" one is exhausting.

[Casehardened]

Dear Butterfly,

Hopefully you will get lots of support from all of us, most of the folks who post on here have been either in your situation or that of your son.

However can I suggest you copy your post to a new thread just for yourself (button on top left of the main index of this forum) otherwise any replies to yourself will be muddled with replies to 'worried father'

[Saffron]

Butterfly, CH, I have moved this to a new thread.

[Butterfly3030]

worried for my son

Hi,

thanks to Saffron for moving this to the right thread for me.
No, he has only been arrested and police bailed at this stage, they are making further investigations and we will not know anything until 6th July.
Following other advice on this site I have checked with our solicitor and it turns out that they have a lot of experience with false allegations of rape and a lot of successes as well so that's good news.

Bad news is that my husband has just been diagnosed with heart problems following a mild stroke earlier this year. He is heading for a breakdown due to the stress it is causing. I am trying to be the strong one but it is so hard.
I wish I could change places with my son and be the one in trouble instead of him.

My daughter has just asked if this sort of thing gets into the papers before a charge is actually made. I hope not, its bad enough carrying this around in my head without other people knowing it and thinking the worst of my lovely son.

Anyone else going through this - my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Worried mum.

[LS]

It generally doesn't reach the local rags before a charge is made. However, had the event taken place on the street in public and the assailant hadn't been apprehended, then there'd be some kind of article.
However, this kind of thing is not likely to reach the newspapers before any court hearings start. Even then, there's no guarantee it's newsworthy.

[Saffron]

Our case didn't hit the papers until after sentencing, and then it was the local rags, not national ones. Things were very uncomfortable for a while, but my husband was in prison when they came out, so I was able to hide it from him for the most part.

Sorry to hear about your husband's heart condition, you could do without any additional worries at this stage.

If one of the girls works at the same place as you, keep your ear to the ground for any gossip. Check out their Facebook/social networking sites. Make sure you take screen prints of anything that might be useful (status updates such as "going out tonight, can't wait!" could be useful if they claim to be so traumatised that they can't go out socially) Make sure your son keeps any correspondence from either girl, text messages, emails, voicemails, etc. and pass them to your sol.

It is heartbreaking to see someone we love suffer and be unable to stop it. We are all here for you.

[worried parent]

butterfly im so sorry to hear your story , as a parent of a son who has just been through a similar expierience , all i can suggest is try and stay focused , keep busy and the time will soo pass , hopefully the police will know they have cried rape before , i would defo recomend a visit to your gp just to get somthing to help you get through this because you need to be strong for your son . hopefully the truth will prevail in the end .

[Casehardened]

Butterfly,

I'm pleased that you clarified that your son has not been charged but 'only' arrested and interviewed.

I usually mention at this point that the arrest and interview, though terribly traumatic for you and your son, are almost automatic, as laid down in police guidelines, whatever the officer's personal opinions about the situation are, and regardless of the fact that the girls have made false allegations before.

The police should charge with the offence as soon as they have enough evidence for a sucessful prosecution, bailed for further enquiries is police speak for trying to round up more evidence.

As Saffron mentioned, the fact that the girls have made false allegations before is a huge positive for your son.

Have you any idea if these were brought to the attention of the police i.e. were they investigated and No Further Action taken?

[Butterfly3030]

worried for my son

Hi,

The girls' previous allegations were not reported to the police and nobody was arrested for it. One of the lads that was accused had his name splashed all over Facebook and he came in for a lot of hassle from people who believed her.

Butterfly 3030

[Saffron]

Make sure you tell your sol about this. Even if no formal complaint was made, the fact that they took such public action (facebook) could be helpful to you.

Your sol will not be able to do much until your son is charged (if he is charged) but it's good to have plenty of ammunition ready. Do you know the name of the boy who was previously accused? if it was the same pair of girls who made the accusation it could be very compelling evidence that they are in cahoots.

Saffron

[Rights Fighter]

Hopefully you have made copies of the Facebook entries in the form of screenshots.

If the previous false allegations were never made official then it is unlikely that they would be admitted into the evidence for defence - this would be an argument for the barrister to make to the judge, if it gets that far.