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  • Family spreading rumours about me

    This is a long story, so sorry for that.

    My partner and I are both university students in a city. Last Christmas we spent a week with his family in a nearby small town. They hosted a New Years party with lots of extended family (about 30 people). I only had 2-3 drinks over several hours so was nearly sober, but several other people were trashed. Midway through the party, I came across one of my partner's teenage cousins (I'll call him "A", he was either 15 or 16 years old, I don't know which) sitting in the stairwell. "A" was very obviously drunk and holding his stomach. I asked what was wrong and he said he felt like he might me sick. The downstairs toilet was in use, so I asked if he wanted me to help him to the upstairs toilet so he could be sick there rather than ont he floor. "A" said no and I walked away.

    20 minutes later, the kid's father ("B", who was also very drunk) approached me and said "A" had told him that I tried to force him upstairs so I could have my way with him. "B" began telling other people at the party. I wanted to leave, but my partner and a mutual friend said I should stay. If I left, I would appear guilty. So we stayed. About 10 minutes after that, "B" and B's brother ("C", also drunk) cornered me in the living room and started calling me various slurs and profanities that I won't repeat. They also said that because I'm gay, I was a paedophile because all gay men are.

    My partner's family told us to leave, so we went upstairs to get our coats. While we were upstairs, "B" and "C" blocked the front door so we couldn't leave. 10 minutes later, "A" came up and apologised to me, saying that he was trying to explain to "B" and "C" that I didn't do anything, but the situation had gotten out of control. 5 minutes after that, "B" came barreling upstairs and started choking me. Other people managed to pull him off me, I phoned the police and a friend drove my partner and me to the local police station. Because I had 2-3 drinks several hours earlier, the duty officer declined to take an official statement, but took an informal statement. He sent another officer to the house to calm everyone down, this officer supposedly talked with A, B, and C.

    A few days later, the officer phoned me to ask if I wanted to press charges. I declined, partially because I was expecting the family members to apologise to me once they sobered up, and partially because I was afraid they would retaliate by pressing charges against me. Since then, his family have continued their lies, adding new ones that make me look even worse. "A" took back his apology and is again saying I did things. When my partner didn't dump me (he's been wonderful, standing by me), his family disowned him. Even though it's been 4 months, we're still suffering psychological effects. He has nightmares about his family almost every night.

    What should we do? Is there anything we can do? I don't think my partner's family will ever believe me. "A" himself admitted nothing happened at the party and they chose to ignore that. We'll both be taking new jobs in the States later this year. Should we just lie low and hope that nothing comes of it until then. Sorry for this being such a long post. Thanks for any advice you have.

  • #2
    Hi, If it was me in that situation I would press charges. For a start, to not do so would make you look guilty. Secondly, the family concerned didn't apologise when/if they sobered up, and thirdly, should they decide to try to make this slur stick, it will be with you forever.
    If you ignore it and hope they get a life, and move to the US, you have no guarantee they're not going to go the police and make wild accusations anyway, and clearly this is still a big issue to you, four months later.
    That's what I would be doing, rightly or wrongly: I've learnt that a pre-emptive strike is the only way sometimes. Others may agree or disagree.
    (And I won't even mention that your accusers' bigoted attitude needs bringing down a peg.)
    Last edited by LS; 14 May 2010, 10:36 PM.

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    • #3
      You could always see a solicitor and aske their advice - you can still get a fee half hours I think - perhaps a strongly worded letter saying if they don't stop slandering you, you will press charges.

      If they keep mouthing off about you being gay then that's a crime in itself.

      I'm sorry that your partner's family have disowned him - that's just petty and stupid.
      And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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      • #4
        What a horrible situation to be in.
        Personally, I think I would agree with LS and RFLH. However, there is always the chance that if you do press charges or write a solicitors letter, the family could decide to proceed with a formal complaint to the police in retaliation, even though it would be a false one.

        Given that this happened 4 months ago I am not sure that you now pressing charges would be taken seriously. It seems that in the eyes of Plod there is a big difference between the way allegations of sexual assault and common assault are handled - a claim of historic sexual abuse would be taken very seriously. Not sure whether a historic allegation of common assault would be treated the same way.

        I can't believe the bigoted, ridiculous claims they made that all homosexuals are paedophiles! That in itself needs to be addressed.

        You are fortunate to have a supportive partner, although it's a terrible shame that his family are clearly not the same.

        Thinking of you

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        • #5
          Thanks everyone for the advice. I think for now we'll just leave the situation alone and hope that nothing more comes of it.

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