My Story

[Constant]

do you know that I digust myself with my behaviour Im sorry that I have involved people who have been through so much pain - I really am so very sorry

[Saffron]

Of course I am good! Beyond reproach, me!
For goodness sake stop apologising. You don't have to apologise to us. Talk to your wife and apologise to her. If it breaks your relationship, then it breaks your relationship. But I think that this is too big a secret to keep on your own and you need to cleanse. That's just my opinion, and it could be wrong. Absolute honesty works for me and R though. It could work for you.

[LS]

Constant, you have every right to be here as the rest of us. You've been through just as hard an ordeal as others, so don't feel you're not worthy.

It's only been a short while, and like I say you're probably expecting life to return to normal straight away when it won't. That's the mistake many of us made when things were dropped or worse. Life doesn't go straight back, and it takes time for things to be manageable.

Have you tried to get any counselling? Have you seen a GP about the way you feel?
We can and will help you as much as we can, but to a large extent the main changes can only be made by you, and how you view things. I have plenty of time, and between us all, there;s always one of us to help.

[Constant]

Silly me

Guys

I work in the city - Im a fool I know I am thanks I cant do it like you ask me too -

B

[Saffron]

OK, your response has worried me. What do you mean?
Please don't do anything stupid.

[Constant]

LS no Ive not been through as much I was NOT charged I was not accused I kept it secret so NO its not the same OK - I was a coward as usual I ****in hope you get hrough it

[Saffron]

LS is getting through it. He is still very damaged in many ways by what happened to him (Hope you don't mind me saying that LS, delete if inappopriate!) BUT he is doing something positive and contributing to this site.
It's not about the hand you were dealt, but what you make of tht hand.

[LS]

Constant,
The ordeals we all face are all different in many ways, but they're still ordeals. Just because I've been falsely convicted does not mean I've had it any worse than someone who's been falsely accused. Similarly your own ordeal is no less than mine or someone whose false accusation got as far as a charge or NFA. The ordeal is in being put in that situation in itself, not how far down the line it goes.

I came out of it a much different person to how I was before. I'm no longer the life+soul of the party, I've turned reclusive, and whereas my previous life was about helping others (and putting myself in situations which put me at risk), rather than hate everybody I choose not to socialise with just anyone, and the only help I give is here. Maybe because here is the only place where not everyone thinks the system is honest and all sweetness and light, but because here is the only place I have a connection and empathy with. I don't fit in anywhere else.

As Saffron said, I'm still damaged but by being here I'm making the most of the situation and not making the damage any worse. I can never go back to having a clear name, and even if I saved a life every day I'd still be deemed scum by the general ignorant public. BUT... you have to make the most of whatever situation life puts you in, because if you don't then everything and everyone bad has won.

I am getting through it, and so will you, because one day after the other is what getting through it is. Don't think about tomorrow, or next week, concentrate on Today, and what it can give you. You have to be a bit hedonistic after your experience, you have to do whatever you have to to feel good, if only for a few minutes. But it's an hour or a day you need to concentrate on, right now, not weeks or months. Do what makes you feel happiest now, buy something new or take up an exciting hobby.

For me computer games didn't work because you can do them on autopilot while your mind goes over the hurt. Try something which is gonna hurt or cost money if you don't concentrate 100%. Could be anything, flying, driving, boating, or even radio control if the real thing's too expensive, but it's the concentration bit that you need. Without it, you'll just go over and over the past, get really bitter, and angry, and people will eventually walk away because that's what we cause to happen.
I can only tell you what''s helped me, and I hope it may help to help you.

[witsend]

Dear Constant. As others have said, please take a deep breath and try to realise that you are going to take time to get over what you have been through. Question: does your partner realize there is something wrong? It is amazing how perceptive some people can be. I suppose at the end of the day only you can make the decision whether or not you explain what has happened. Please try not to bring this up in the heat of the moment, you will need to try to stay calm and focused. Of course the other option is not to say anything, but please try to find someone to talk to.