My ex has been accused of raping someone 4 years ago, help needed please

[suzybe]

If anyone can help, please do.
My ex was meeting women just for sex 4 years ago (clearly not a good idea)
One woman he saw for 4-5 months. She was living with someone and seeing 2 other men, one of whom she went on holiday with.
On the night in question, she met him from the train station, went to her flat to have sex, he acciidentally butted up against her anus. she had a bath, they resumed having sex, and she drove him to the station. She text him the next week to say her doctor told her to report it to the police, to which he said "report what exactly"? she said he had raped her. She met him twice a week later, when he broke it off, clearly thinking this woman was not of sound mind. 4 years later, he was phoned and arrested for rape, now on bail till 25/5. Waiting for CPS to decide if proceeding, but how after 4 years? and what on earth are they even considering this for? He is totally broken, cant sleep, cant think of anything else. Any advice please?

[Saffron]

Hi Suzybe

Has your ex got any contact details for the other men this woman was seeing at the same time as he was? Their evidence would be pivotal. Of course being promiscuous does not mean that she was immune to being raped, but it would be helpful evidence.

Historic cases such as this are very difficult. Some go to trial and conviction without any evidence other than the word of the accuser. Others are NFA'd (No Further Action) before charges are made. A lot depends on the credibility of the witness/"victim" and the accused/"defendant".

What do you think could have prompted her to make such an accusation? You need to look for some sort of motive. If your ex believes that she was not of sound mind, then he needs to instruct his solicitor to ask for her medical records. Most sols will not do this unless a charge has been made, but it is worth being prepared.

Accidental anal intrusion is pretty common. Bearing in mind that they were in a consensual sexual relationship, and that the "offence" happened 4 years ago (therefore no forensic evidence) then any reasonable person would not be able to see this to court. However, there is no rhyme or reason to the Police/CPS.

You state that he is your ex-boyfriend. However you must still be on friendly terms for you to have come here seeking advice. Has he come to you for help/guidance?

As for why people make accusations so far down the line...well, take your pick. Genuine victims often find that they block the assault out of their mind, or that they are simply not strong enough to talk about for a long time. False accusers are motivated by a number of things - revenge, false alibi, attention seeking, CICA compensation awards....any number of things.

No doubt others will be along soon. Good luck and let us know how you get on.

[suzybe]

reply to Saffron

Thank you Saffron, very useful.
The other men, other than knowing the profession of one, and the age of another, and the third by sight, no.
Yes, he has come to me for help. We lived in same house for many years, but as I knew he was sleeping with other woman, we lived seperatly. He now knows how stupid his behaviour was, but he didnt deserve this. We think she is being vindictive, and the way she reacted at the time (no big deal, just an accidental slip, then turned nasty when he broke it off) she moved back to living about half a mile away from my ex, but 4 years? really odd. It seems so unfair that a spiteful woman can cause so much damage, it has been 2 weeks since his arrest, he is waiting for a letter to drop through the door to say no charge, but each day, when it doesn't happen, he gets more depressed.May 25th, the return to Police station date is a long way off.
Many thanks, every bit of information helps.
Sue.

[shepherd]

Hi Suzyby

sorry to read about your situation, waiting to hear back from the Police or CPS is awful and can seem to take forever.

If your Ex is getting depressed and having sleep problems (and who would'nt) it might pay you to get him to see his doctor sooner rather than later as such thing can be alleviated and are better caught sooner rather than later. It is easier to think with a clear head and after a good nights sleep, also if it is ever possible to gat action taken against this woman for making a false allegation then evidence of the distress caused by her actions could come in very useful.

Did anyone else, who would be prepared to give a statement, see the text she sent him, as sending a message warning some-one about such a thing seems a bizarre step to take and might shed some light on her state of mind.
I dont know if phone companies keep records of texts sent and received (they dont store the actual texts themseslves) but if they do, and Im sure your Ex's solicitor would be able to find out, then this would show contact from her after the events she now alleges.

I presume that the doctor in question would have kept fairly detailed notes about such an occurance and it would probably be possible for your Ex's solicitor to obtain a copy of these if the CPS do decide to proceed. This also brooks the question as to why she went to see a doctor so soon, though a delay of a week might be useful ammunition for a barrister, and then waited four year before going to the Police. This is the sort of information that is usually only obtainable if the matter does go to trial, though if that is the case it is often possible to get a persons complete medical history.

How did your Ex meet this woman? Whilst this may seem a trivial point, if they met through a dating site or something similar it could be relevant in terms of her general pattern of behavior, Having said that it is not always possible to use evidence about some-ones sexual habits without a lot of legal wrangling.

Hope the above helps.

shepherd

[just gets worse and worse]

the waiting is bad and the cps seem to have a mind of there own everyone i spoke to said the had given up trying to second guess them and only they can decicde as you will be told not a lot a sol can do till he been charged apart from
chase the police and try find out what going on. the only way to stop thinking about it is to think about something else clean up tidy up paint the house paint the shed paint some one else's house anything to keep busy the waiting is hard but it does get easyier just got to take half day at a time.
also try to collect all evidence you can
hope it all ends soon will have fingers crossed

[suzybe]

Thank you both of you, all very helpful, he is going back to the Doctor today. He did go to Ireland for 2 weeks, but after 3 days could not sleep/settle and camer back early, it's the stress of what might happen due to a false rape claim that seems to be worst.
He met her in a pub, but might be worth trawling through dating sites to see if she is advertising on any.
Unfortunatly nobody saw the text, and it has not been saved, but as you say, records will show she phoned/text a fair few times after this. And of course had sex again with him half an hour after the supposed "rape".
I would have thought it would have been thown out by the CPS by now, but no news, it's the further damage that a court case would do that must be even more worrying, and what if she is believed? surely not? after all, who decides four years later that she wants to make a false rape claim?
He has said, and the police asked during the interview, if he thought she was unbalanced, and this may well be the case. If only we knew what the motive was and why at all, and especially now after all these years. Although he is nothing to do with me anymore, he is my Daughter's Father, and I am finding this really stressful too, it's all so unbelieveable.
Sue

[suzybe]

The children

And, forgot to say, we have children, who assume he must have done something if arrested, how on earth do you expalin to them there are evil vindictive lying women (and men!) out there, who do this sort of thing, it doesn't mean it's true. My Daughter hates her Father at the moment, imagine having to say if it goes wrong "my Father is in jail for rape", do these women stop to think that by being spiteful and vindictive, they are not just hurting the man that dumped them, they are hurting children as well?

[LS]

No, they don't care. They're usually too busy spending their ill-gotten gains. The collateral damage of their actions is not worthy of their thoughts. I think the term "sociopath" describes them quite well.

[Saffron]

How old are you kids?
You could tell them that their dad is "helping the police with their enquiries" which sounds a hell of a lot better then "arrested".

Try pulling up cases from the press where false accusations have been proven, and showing them to your kids. if they are old enough, maybe they would like to a little research into the frequency of False Allegations. Talk to them about their dad, and ask them whether they genuinely think he is capable of such a horrific crime. He is still their dad after all - the accusation is just that: an accusation. It doesn't mean he is guilty of it.

It's no practical help right now, but I am sending you my positive thoughts.

[suzybe]

Oh so true!
Somebody on a helpline said today they though this is usually attention seeking or money driven.
Suzy

[suzybe]

Thanks Saffron,
It does help, really
Kids at home are 13 (daughter) and 17 year old step son, who has just gone through a major cancer op, it's His daughter that seems most disbelieving about all this.
There have been two cases in the news recently, Jack Tweed, and the young man who went on This morning with his Dad, totally destroyed. I have tried to explain to them the circumstances, they knew we were leading seperate lives, but this really brings it home, with this now. My son, his stepson just finds it all too much, he has been through enough himself the last year, but my daughter, really wont listen.
There should be pictures put up showing these women's faces and where they live as a warning to other men to steer well clear!
Suzy

[Constant]

I hope it gets better for you - I agree on the women front - they should be ashamed - posting pictures is not punishment enough they should go through the same awful humiliation we have had too.

[suzybe]

Thank you.
Yes, if the man faced up to five years, then they should get 5 years for false rape claims, not soft touch comunity service!
Suzy.

[goldfish]

children

Hi Susybe

I have to agree with what's been said here also.

I also understand your concerns about your children as we have a number of our own, over a wide age range. They were all devastated at first and all took the news in their own ways apart from the youngest who is too young to know anyway. I have tried to keep life as normal as possible for them. Sometimes they will ask for information but I only give out what I think they can cope with and keep the finer details between me and my husband.
my oldest daughter is in her twenties and she is very good to talk to which helps me.

[suzybe]

Hi, It's such a difficult time for everyone isn't it?
I wish the process was much quicker though, the wait is a killer. Would love to give this evil woman a piece of my mind
Suzy.