A little light!

[new hope]

I found this site in time of despair, it helped me to know that I wasnt the only one that was going trough the hell of being falsely accused of a sexual crime altough at the time was reluctant to join up or post anything on it.

My situation as probably everyones situation is different and unique, A freind or so called freind of mine invited me to a party at her house one night while her folks were away where we sat up drinking, smoking canabis and snorting cocaine all night long and into the early hours of the morning I went to bed and left the accuser drinking in a room downstairs, at some stage she followed me up to bed got into bed beside me and something happened although I dont remember having sex with her nor her me! the next morning I awoke to her telling me to get out of the house, so I left, I got a call from a female police officer around 2-3 weeks later saying that someone had said I had sex with her against her will would I go and make a preliminery statement, I went to the police station and told them everything that I could remember about the night and they tolk a swab from me and released me after about an hour of questioning.
About 3 months later I was arrested and brought in for more questioning, fingerprinted and photographed and interigated for around an hour and a half and then put in a cell for around an hour then questioned some more and released without being charged they said that the file was being sent to the dpp and I would find out within 2 weeks what was happening.
I called the police back to no avail and waited 5 months to finally find out that an accused person can write a letter to the dpp, which I did and recieved one back saying that they had never recieved any file and would be recieving it within a week, 5 months of hell on earth, I didnt want to leave my house go to work my friends wouldent talk to me(well some of them) to find out that the file hadent even been sent, I was lost emotionally drained desparate felt like I could trust no one except my familly, another 3 months went by a freind of mine said that maybe a private investigator might be able to get some informaton for me, so he called an agency and sent out a PI who I told a brief account of what had happened to and said that he could help that it would take around 2 weeks but that I would just have to trust him.
About a week later my friend called me and said that the case was going no further and that it had been dropped by the dpp, about an hour later I got a call from the police officer in charge of the case confirming that it was non prosicution, it turned out the PI was an x police officer and worked a bit of magic I have never been so relieved in all of my life, I am not condoning PI,s or anything like that but I know what its like to be in a situation of not knowing whats happening waiting and waiting for somebody to get back to you and nothing happens, maybe this might be something that helps somebody somewhere to get information somehow it worked for me, anyway even the fact of talking to him when he came to see me was a relief just as he was an x officer and had said that he thought it was dead in the water as I had been with the girl before and all the other aspects of the case made me feel alot better! my familly too they were under extreme pressure and strain. It is the worst thing a man can be accused of and the hardest and most testing time I have ever been trough!
Anyway I couldent forget this site and came on to it tonight and decided to register and post my story so thats what ive done I hope maybe it will give somebody out there some hope as I know what the pain is like, all I can say is the pain is still there afterwards and i think there will always be a hole there that will never be filled but all you can do is be strong, I know its hard to see but there is light at the end of the tunnel(jesus I never thought id be saying those words at the time first finding this site)

Just one last thing prayer helped in the long run and I am not a religious person.

Thanks for reading! hope this helps a little

[Casehardened]

Hi and welcome to the site.

The others will be along to say hello shortly but I just wanted to say thanks for posting your account.

As you have read there are lots of folk still going through the process and to hear of yet another case which has been NFA’d will give great encouragement to them.

Part of the ‘natural’ healing process is to want to lash out at someone so don’t feel bad about this. This is another just stage you will go through but believe me, you will come out the other side as a much stronger calmer person. After all you have just successfully survived one of life’s major trials (pun intended) and should now be able to cope with most things.

Don’t be too hard on the police & CPS as increasing rape convictions is another government target they are trying to achieve. The cases which we hear about on this forum are only the tip of the iceberg, they must inwardly groan when yet another girl/woman phones in with the magic four letter word that guarantees them so much. In my area business is so good that a dedicated facility is being built just for rape victims.

Similarly I can understand you wanting the false accusers punished. I’ve not responded to your poll because I think that these women will all have their own different reasons for making the accusations and punishment will not solve anything (unless the reason is to claim compensation ). Despite giving it a lot of thought I can’t come up with a way of discouraging false accusations without discouraging genuine ones, this is perhaps a topic for a separate thread.

Keep posting, after bottling it up for so long its good to talk

[new hope]

9 months

It went on for 9 months all together from the night of the party up untill last week when I got the call, I am still living in the same area as the accuser and have heard all sorts of rubbish going around trough friends, I think maybe the only way to forget about it is maybe to move out of the area as I have bumped into her a few times and she starts cursing abuse at me, I dont want to move as I have familly in the area and dont get me wrong alot of people are on my side and have been since all of this began but maybe for peace of mind and to try and forget about her the only thing to do is move out of the area but then again that would be what she wants and would let her win.

I completly understand things that people are going trough on this forum and for me I was lucky I dont have a girl friend or any children I can only imagine what people that do must be going trough, all I can say is what people told me to do which was keep your chin up and try to keep busy and keep your mind off it and hopefully it will all come good in the end.

I wish I could say that its much better when you get the news that I got that its going nowhere but I just cant it has changed me as a person I smoke canabis or take cocaine anymore I very seldom drink and I very seldom even go out anymore, hopefully this will change in the future(I mean the going out bit) but at the minute I am living like a hermit and I am just content doing so, I was never like this but thats the way it is.

I have spoken to the police officer in charge of the case since and she told me to get on with life and forget about it all but theres not a day goes by that I dont think about it and the torment that it put me and my familly trough.

The sun is out here today and its the start of the summer hopefully it will be a good one this year for anyone going trough this right now my thoughts are with you and try to enjoy the sun.

[new hope]

9 months

Sorry I meant I dont smoke canabis anymore!

[Saffron]

Hi New Hope and welcome.
I am very glad to hear your case was NFAd, and thank you for sharing it with us. It is good to hear happy news!
LS is right that it will take you some time to return to "normality" (what does "normality" mean, anyway?!) but try not to rush it - just take it a step at a time.
I am glad you found us, and even happier that we were able to be of some support.

[LS]

Sorry Saffron, Wasn't me. Can't take credit for Casehardened's words.

[Saffron]

oops, sorry!
Apologies to Casehardened for attributing his words to another and apologies to LS for the mistake!

[LS]

No problem S. It's Monday, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it....

[Casehardened]

Actually I feel quite honoured that my words were attributed to LS

[new hope]

its been nearly 2 weeks since I got the news that it was going no further, my accuser has been getting on with her life with no problems 5 days after being allegedly raped she was at a 3 day music festival with pictures of her there on her bebo site, she has a new boyfriend and has absolutly blackened my name in the community.
I moved home after I was accused after living away for 9 years as the only people that I could trust was my familly and some close friends. She has no problem getting on with her life but I feel I will have a very difficult time of it I just cant seem to have any interest in anything at all college, socializing and I have no interest in a girl friend or relationship whatsoever my trust has gone completely and I am finding it hard to leave the house at the moment, she has told everyone in the whole town and everyone knows about it, although I dont think alot of them believe her, maybe now that they know its not going to court they might see trough her but I still think for my own piece of mind that I will eventually have to move out of here, just cant seem to see the light at the minute and shes having the time of her life!

[Casehardened]

Hi,
I can completely relate to your feelings, as can many who post on here, the NFA descision is only the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end.

Maybe it takes as long for the angry hurt feelings to subside as the time spent waiting for the decision?

There is no counselling available for the accused, unless you ask your GP for help, so the best you can hope for is a spot of therapy on here. Actually, while I've never had the pleasure of having to undergo counselling for anything, I believe a lot of it involves getting the person to talk through their feelings, so the anonymity of this forum is good for that, well done to the webmasters for setting it up.

Moving away is a big step, with many pros and cons, but it's probably best to wait a bit to decide about this until your feelings are in less of a turmoil.

[new hope]

Thanks casehardened maybe your right they say time is a great healer! :-)

[Saffron]

Do ask your GP for help - both me and R did, and our GP was very understanding. Counselling is not for everybody, but it can be very helpful. Similarly anti-depressants are not everyone's choice, but they really can help.

As Casehardened said, this is the end of the beginning. You will get through it.

[witsend]

courage

Hi there, glad you found this place,it's great to have somewhere to vent your feelings. We found ourselves in a similar situation with our son, luckily his case was dropped as the accuser eventually admitted it was consensual sex and not rape. We to are finding that he is having extreme difficulty dealing with what he has been put through, nightmares, flashbacks, can't sleep without medication and becomes easily distressed. The situation is compounded by the fact that he has a form of autism. He is now considering moving back home after only being in his own place for six months. Somehow, I gather, we will all get through this, but like you, it is proving very difficult. we just have to keep returning here for the words of wisdom and support that have got us through this.

[Saffron]

Witsend, if the accuser admitted the sex was consensual, then you have every right to ask the police to investigate her false accusation. From her own mouth she admitted that she made it up!
Having her prosecuted, or at the very least, questioned under caution, may help your son gain closure.
If Plod are unwilling, remind them that they are refusing to investigate a reported crime. If that fails, try writing to your MP or the IPCC (Independant Police Complaints Commission).

She *admitted* that what she had previously reported as Rape was in fact consensual sex. She has committed a crime, and an abhorrent one at that. She should not be allowed to get away with it.

If my house was burgled, and I knew who had done it and where they lived, would the police arrest that person? Damn right they would! If I had been raped and knew the rapist's name and where they lived, would the Police investigate? Of Course! So *why* should they ignore this crime? It makes my blood boil.

Sorry, rant over!