Partner of Falsely accused!... :(

[BROKEN]

Iv not posted in a while but heres an update...

This was yesterday...

UPDATE - My lady txt me tonight after barely any contact all bank holiday an told me shes got bail in the morning an that she dont think she shud put me thru this anymore and that shes sorry... I asked her to explain wot she meant an she said that i shud get on with my life an forget her an that she was sorry again. I asked her wot she was saying to me, asked her if she dont want me anymore and she said she cant. That we cant be together anymore. Againa i asked her why, an that i thought she needed to explain a little bit more than that, she owed me that. Then she said that shes so stressed about tomorro but she thinks she makin the right decision. An that im worth more than her. She told me to go enjoy my life, im young an hav my whole life a head of me. She also said she was sorry from the bottom of her heart. I then told her that my life is wit her.. we were buildin a life together, we had plans, memories to make... I pleaded her to think about it, its the wrong decison. Then i said how can lovin her with every ounce of my body be wrong!?... I adore her!! I told her i kno shes stressed, we all are but plz jus sleep on it for tonight, Told her to contact me after bail tomorro cos i dont wanna stress her anymore tonight than wot she is already an then she can let me kno wot she has decided, an were take it from there, one way or another.. I told her that ANYTHING can happen tomorro an that she shudnt be makin such drastic hasty decisions until atleast we know where we are from tomorro.

Im a tortured soul jus dangling around - not knowing wots gonna happen next altho heartbreaks more than certainly on thee agenda...

She txt me after bail - Shes been charged and is gotta go to court!! Were also not t0gehter NYMORE, HER DECISION... i feel sooo lost but i had to let her go, thats wot she wanted

VERY very BROKEN, an very veery drunk

[LS]

Hi Broken, I'm really sorry she's causing you heartache. It's hard to know if she's thinking of your or thinking of herself, but if she was only thinking of herself then she'd have been much more blunt about it. She's either genuinely thinking you're better off without her (wrong, I know) or it's a self-preservation move on her part. The thinking behind that is that there's no emotional stress or another person to think about and it's easier to cope if it goes wrong.
There isn't a great deal you can do apart from what you have done - ask her to rethink. Who knows, eventually bail will stop when it's dropped and you and she should get another chance. Maybe that's what you should be focusing on.

[friday]

i haven't really got anything more to add. just wanted to let you know that we are hear to listen. hopefully she will contact you after bail. maybe with a little more hope for herself and for both of you.

[Rights Fighter]

The more you plead with her and the more you force her to repeat herself the less likely she is going to want to renew the relationship if this matter is NFA'd.

Take her at her word. Grieve. Try to move on (we are all here for you) and see what happens later on.

The more you push the further away she will go. Give her space. If your relationship is meant to be she will come back. If it is not, then she won't.

My ex wouldn't let me have any space and in the end his worst nightmare came true - I kicked him out.

Do not suffocate her. That is how she is probably feeling right now.

[Saffron]

It's terribly hard, but try to take a step back.
I can't add anything more to what the others have said, other than to let you know I am thinking of you xx

[BROKEN]

Thanx for ur comments everyone - they are appreciated.

Im still feelin lost today an got sum news which upset me regarding my partner or shud i say ex-partner... Her sister phoned me an told me that she thought i shud kno that my partner was not at her mums like she told me but was actually livin wit her ex these past 10wks instead... Feelin very upset wit that knowledge but im not sure whether to beleive it cos i kno from my partner that her an her sister dont hav the best relationship in the world an her sister is abit of a liar... So i dunno wot to beleive right now an i think cos i dont kno for certain i cant get too upset about it yet - the grieving over her process haasnt started yet, i dunno when it will, but i kno theres gonna be a whole lot of tears shed.

BROKEN, BROKEN - SOOO GOD DAMN BROKEN, DAMMIT

[Rights Fighter]

Whatever you believe (as to where she is living) is not actually important at this moment in time although of course you believe it is.

What IS important is that your lady has asked you the leave her alone (for however long it takes) and that is what you must do. If you continue to make contact while she is in her current frame of mind, she will feel under more pressure and suffocated.

If it was meant to be she will come good although there will be a lot of serious talking on trust issues.

She has enough to contend with after being charged - don't add this extra burden onto her shoulders.

I know it is hard to take - but doing anything else would result in you definitely losing her altogether.

Keep posting here and on the other forum and draw from the members support.

Don't stay in the house - go out with other friends and make a new life for yourself. Difficult I know but once you have forced yourself the rest will get easier.

[BROKEN]

Can anyone help please?!...

CAN ANYONE HELP ME?!... Wot EXACTLY happens at the court for a Plea Hearing???... Does she jus go to court, make her plea - NOT GUILTY, and then go back home until the next date?... Is that wot will happen??..

[LS]

That's about the sum total of it. It's just a hearing for the formality of the other side knowing in advance how you intend to plead at the trial.

[BROKEN]

Thanx LS,

Right so, she DEFO be comin out after her hearing?...

My folks r driving me up there next week to see her an shes thinking shes not getting out after her hearing, like she gonna be thrown in a cell an left there til the trial, tried to tell her she will be coming back out, guess i needed to check for sure... My sanity today is not wot it used to be...

[LS]

Yes, she'll come out straight away. If she's out on bail it's very very unlikely it would be withdrawn and remanded. So, yes, if she's out it'll be a quick hearing and then she's on her way again.

[Rights Fighter]

I will give you the same answer I gave you on PAFAA:

She will probably be asked to sit in the dock. There will be a little legal argument. She will then be asked to stand. A court official will ask:

"Miss X, you are charged with X, Y or Z. How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?"

"Not guilty".

"You have pleaded not guilty to the charge of X, Y or Z. Please sit".

More legal argument and hopefully a date for trial will be fixed and the expected length of it.

Defendant is then let out of the dock.

These hearings usually take about half an hour.

[BROKEN]

Update -

Hi everyone - Not been on for a while an thought an update was overdue...

My ex told me she had overdoesed TWICE in 4 days, i sobbed when i heard. I told my mum an then b4 i knew it i was up in the Lakes with my folks. My ex was fine wit this altho nervous about seeing me but excited an happy too.

I went to see her at her mums on the monday b4 her plea hearing on the tues 27th. I met her folks, gave her her stuff back an then we went for a walk, she showed me around, showed me the sights. Things were very different between us but goin up there wit no expectations i wasnt phased but concentrated on jus talkin to each other which after 5 mins we didnt struggle wit. We were talkin like mates, which i was happy with. I left her that night an went back to my folks at the caravan.

I wished her good luck an told her we were all thinkin of her on the tuesday - we didnt see each other this day understandably.

Wednesday came, she was up early txting me, wanting to know when an wot time we were meeting - she was excited, this was different to monday, completely different. My folks drove to hers an we picked her up an broughtt her back to our caravan site. My folks gav us space an we went to the bar on site, had a couple of drinks, couple of games of pool, a lovely lunch an chatted and laughed an smiled till both our cheeks hurt!! It was like there was nothing wrong wit the world. We then went to Windermere Lake together an sat an chilled out an laughed sum more. A few tears were shed, shee told me not to cry ann jus gave me the biggest hug - which was ALL that i wanted these past 3 months. When the sun went down an it got abit cold we went back to the caravan an spent sum time with my folks - who also love her dearly. All in all, it was a wonderful day spent together. We then drove her home an that was wednesday.

Thursday came an again she was wakin me with txts, wanting to come an see me. My folks picked her up whilst i was getting ready an she was brought to me - she had the biggest, cheekiest smile iv seen in the longest time - i couldnt help but grin myself seein her twinkling eyes We went to the bar again an started havin a few drinks an relaxing with each other an she started to open up about her case, her feelings, wot shes been upto, her life in general etc. In my tipsy state i cudnt help but tell her a few home truths too such as never wanting to kiss anyone as much as i wanted to kiss her then. She then told me she was giving things ago with her ex, her wife!! She never told me this b4 an as u can imagine my heart broke that bit more inside my chest, more tears were shed an honest words passed between sobs to each other. We promised each other as we spoke about me coming back to essex on friday that it wasnt goodbye, its was simply see ya later... I was happy with this, altho harder to handle than i let on to her. She hadnt planned on spending my last night wit me altho she chose to, which upset her gf. This wasnt my decision an i forced her in no way. We spent time laughin with my folks, an i took sum pictures of her with my parents. I cudnt bring myself too hav any of me an her together since monday but tonight wit more than a few drinks inside me i decided i wanted one last pic of us together b4 i go home an so in our drunken states i took a pic of us both looking lovingly (yet rather mashed) into each others eyes with the biggest grins on both our faces. That night we did spend "together" an it was the best night of my life an i guess u could say abit of closure too. We sat up all night kisses an cuddling, i was afraid to sleep cos i knew when the morning come our time together was over. I barely slept a wink that night but so glad of our last night that we spent together in each others arms.

Friday morning, we was all up early mainly due to the fact that we had to be out the caravan by 10am an so we prepared to leave. We decided to go into town for a coffee, i think my folks wernt ready to let her go yet, which of course i seconded. We checked out all the little shops, an i bought her a lil voo doo doll from the souvaner shops as she quite liked mine that i bought. As the afternoon was approachin we had to leave, we had a 6hr drive back home to do an so we droppd her off down the road to her wifes house an my mum broke down an sobbed as she gav her a heart shaped rose quartz crystal (of which she gav one to me too), a real four leafed clover keychain an £50 in MY ex then sobbed in turn an hugged me, see ya later she said, see ya later i said back, she kissed me an then went... I didnt cry, i cried all my tears the night b4, my heart ached leaving her. My mum was sooo emotional, she begged my dad to go back an get her, she didnt wanna leave her there, she cried alot of the way home. I went to sleep lost in my own head with mmy feelings an realisations of how my life must change when i get home.

I had the most amazing time in the lakes with my ex - not for one second do i regret going as i kno that as friends this has made us stronger altho be it i deal with my demons of her being with someone else on a daily basis which isnt always easy. She knows that me an my family are all behind her an any time she needs ANYTHING she only has to ask. We talk or txt atleast everyday, an we support each other as best we can when we each in turn hav our bad days.

Yesterday (Friday 7th) i went an had my 7th tattoo - the most personal tattoo on my entire body... I got the Scales of Justice jus above my right ankle. This is to represent the ups and downs of my life an the constant struggle for balance and harmony in an un-balanced world. I told my ex of my tattoo an told her that part of it too was for her an the hell that she was goin thru, she was happy about this an even told me today that she had thought she might like one too on the back of her neck. This made me smile.

So this is kinda where were at now, were friends, be it hard for me somedays to deal with that but iv not lost sight of the bigger picture - That being her and her life wrecking ordeal an my constant support for her. Shes still my world, she ALWAYS will be, i kno i'll see her happy again!! x

[LS]

Oh Broken, I'm really sorry at how it's come to for you. I'm glad you two are ending the relationship on good terms, but sad that it's ended. I'm one of the many who've been on the receiving end of the breakup (mostly because I'm too stupid to stop flogging the bones which used to be the horse long before it died), rather than being the one to want the breakup, so I know exactly how you feel. It takes real guts to end on a high note and stay friends, when I've found it hard to stop the hate cutting in.
The one and only girl I broke up with and managed to "sort of" stay friends with unknowingly hurt me anew every time she got a new bloke. After 8 years of carrying a candle for her I finally stopped being around. I did get to see her before she died of a terminal illness a further decade later, and the hurt is still there and I miss her like 25 years ago was yesterday. I guess what I'm saying is staying friends isn't the easy option, so well done.
Hopefully one day she'll realise she made the wrong choice, but even if she doesnt, treasure those good times you had and try not to let the bad times colour your good memories.

[RFLH]

I'm with you LS - staying friends is the harder option, but when there's a child (even thought they're an adult!) it's twisting the knife every day. But I've found that it isn't as sharp as it was and there's a bit of anger that tempers the hurt!

So well done Broken - it takes a brave and kind person to step aside - I know I am one!! Love is letting the other person go.