Worried Girlfriend

[RFLH]

You'll cope, you'll surprise yourself. You can't change the way others think sadly, all I can say is if you have to choose - choose wisely because its a call you can't change - take it from one that found out the hard way.

[LS]

It's not an outrageous rant, so rant away....
I agree with you in that if there is any way to prevent your folks finding out, then it's a small chance, but how likely are you going to be able to explain where he is for a number of years? Surely if you got away with it for months and then they found out, wouldn't they be more against you for lying to them?
You have to do what you think is right.
If you thought for a moment that he was not innocent then you'd have a reason to walk away, but the fact that you are 100% that he's in the clear should tell you that you're strong enough to cope, as he's The One. There are others better qualified than me to tell you how to cope in that situation, but you're looking at the worst-case. For all you know, he'll be found not guilty and all of this will have been worry about nothing. Try to keep positive. At the most basic level you've got a good partner, a good guy, and he's being positive about it all, which should be a comfort in itself.

[Saffron]

I dreaded telling my parents. Telling R's parents was tough for him; telling mine was tough for me. But after a few cries and tears, both sets of parents came through for us.

Being separated is tough, no denying it. We would listen to songs on the radio, and say silly things like "If the next song is...blah blah....then you won't go to jail." (didn't work, but hey! think positive and all that!) IF the worst comes to the worst and he is found guilty, it is possible that sentencing may be deferred. This will give you a couple of weeks to get things sorted. I don't want to sounds like I am on a downer, but he should take an overnight bag with him to the final day of trial - containing a change of clothes, new toothbrush, toothpaste, writing paper, envelopes and stamps, and some packets of cigarettes. These should all be in their wrappers, unopened. Her Maj's "hotels" all have different rules, and may not allow some of these items, but some do, so it worth taking them. If he is not allowed them they will be held for him until his release. Definitely take the cigarettes, even if he doesn't smoke because they are good currency.

That said, he might not need them! I hope he doesn't. For me, getting through R's period of incarceration was simply about making his life as comfortable as possible. Sending letters, photos, money. Let me know if you want me to expand on what you can do *IF* he does get a custodial sentence.

And yes, being the partner is as tough as being the FA. But we are here for you and will help however we can.

Chin up lovey

[Flower]

Empty

I can't even discribe how much pain were all in this week,
I feel empty and drained of any hope.
Our lifes are in the hands of total strangers, only 3 women on the jery, I dont know if that is good or bad, I feel their eyes burning at us as they judge my boyfriend. The accuser sits their with police beside her, how can police be aloud choose sides like that, its not just.
I honistly dont think we're going to make it through this, I feel like a stupid little child for thinking different.

my boyfriend is a broken man, and I can do nothing to fix it.
I feel so useless, i'm ment to be religious but how can I be. A true wonderful god would'nt let this happen, he would'nt let a inacent man and his family suffer like this.

[RFLH]

I wish you all well at this time. Keep strong.

Keep us posted as to how things are going. I also hope that there are no press present.

Hold your heads high.

[Flower]

their was only 1/2 camera's outside, but that could change over the next few days. gusse it really depends whats in the news the next week.
they can't use his name, so it's unlikely that they will print anything...what are they going to say...news flash this man walked into the court!!

Thank god it's a closed court, but that could all change, all lies on what the accuser wants (how just is that)

She has made a request that i am no longer aloud into the cort, incase I somehow influance the jury!!
were fighting this odjection. She is pregent, but their is no man in her life so we have been told this is very good news for us.
God, I really do love this forum, iv talked more in the last two posts then I have all week!!!!!

still lost, scared and feckin angery. I keep staring at the ground coz im afaird to make eye contact with her.
Boyfriend looks like a boy in a big mans suit, he's so scared. very proud of him though, he spoke up well and stood tall.
I hope the jury can see how hard this all is, and how brave he is also how inacent he is !!

The accuser cryed as she walked in... and we have been told she will be told to cry on the stand to, a jury full of men?? will they fall for this??

[Saffron]

Hi Flower

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I can only remember bits of R's trial, I think my brain has blocked it out.
There is no way you should be forced to leave the courtroom. She has her supporters presumably, so why shouldn't your man have you there?

And yes, she will probably cry in the witness box. Juries are always told not to be swayed by emotion, but this is absolutely impossible. If your man cries it will have the same effect. R didn't cry and I wish he had. (I know that sounds very cynical, but I still believe it would have helped.)

Have you got anyone there to support you? Did you tell your parents in the end? What stage is the trial at - have the prosecution completed their case? Keep us updated, we are all thinking of you

[Flower]

Hav'nt told anyone. Just could'nt bring myself to do it.
Only one day has been completed so far, jury picked and no guilty plee given, tomorrow the whole trail will start. very sickening.

can I please ask, from a partners point of view, did you look at the girl while she was being questioned, did you look at the jury, What can I do during the trail to help, this is all I can really do, and I just want to do the best I can.

More the likely I'll cry becouse I'm so soft!! I dont know if boyfriend will, he's scared but a very strong minded person. He would'nt like to cry.

[RFLH]

From what she's been like so far - I should imagine she'll ask for a screen - because she'll be 'too scared to look at him'.

[Saffron]

RFLH is right. She will probably have a screen, or give evidence via videolink. You will probably see her as she walks from the door to the witness box. Although actually this didn;t happen in our case as the "victim" insisted on the public gallery being cleared before she made her way to the witness box....apparently she didn't want to be "seen" by anyone in the gallery (I wonder why? maybe she had made an accusation of this kind before, and didn't want to be recognised!)

I sat in the gallery and looked mainly at my husband, the barristers and the judge, although I looked at the jury quite a lot too. One of them was asleep during the judge's summing up! "She" had her boyfriend and a friend there who sat in front of us, and shouted occasional comments to the court, shaking their heads in disbelief at R's testimony, and nodding vigourously at her testimony. I was there with my dad and best mate, R's parents, brother and sister in law. We sat very quietly, all of us dressed smartly in suits, the men in ties. "Her" two friends were in jeans and tshirts. I tried very hard to stay completely composed throughout the evidence.

At this stage the only thing you can do is be there. If you hear a piece of evidence that is unpalatable to you, try not to react. The jury will be watching you. Make sure your demeanour shows that you are taking this very seriously, but that you are 100% behind your man. Nod at what he says, shake your head at what she says. Don't, whatever you do, cry. I know it's hard, but the jury may well consider your tears as being caused by him rather than her.

I wish I had done what "her" supporters did - heckled, nodded, shook my head. As it is I did nothing. When the Guilty verdict was announced I was a mess. All I can remember was my dad holding my hand, my best mate's hand on my shoulder, and then me stumbling towards R, both of us sobbing and hugging each other.

I hope to god that you get thr right verdict. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts. xx

[LS]

I agree with Saffron. In my case, the other party's dad sat directly across the room from the jury, and whenever I gave an answer (which was true) he would verbalise the opposite, knowing the jury would see him. As I didn't see any of this going on, because I was addressing the jury, I wasn't able to redress his falsehoods.
My thoughts are with you anyway. The courts have lost their integrity, in my opinion, but Saffron's advice there is wonderful.

[friday]

on the other side of things a police officer (not my soit officer who was in the witness waiting area with me through the whole thing) was thrown out of the court for supposedly intimidating the rapist (sorry, witness) just by being there. he didn't speak or do anything to make throwing him out necessary. it was purely that he didn't want him there.

saffron-i was allowed to have the public gallery emptied before i came in because of fear of repercussions from his family (which given the police's concern for me to get out of the area after the trial seems like it wasn't such an unlikely fear) so this "special messure" is not unfounded. i would not have gone through with it if i had had to see him or his family.

its very easy to say "i should have done x, if only i had x" (trust me, i have rewritten a complete hypothetical trial based on what i "should have" done)

[Saffron]

Friday, I completely accept that in some circumstances measures like that are absolutely necessary.
However, some nasty cynical little piece of me thinks that our accuser was advised to insist on the gallery being cleared because it afforded her yet more "victim" status in the eyes of the jury. As if the screen wasn't enough.
Justice?!

[worriedfather]

good luck flower, i will keep my fingers crossed for you. My son is waiting to go to court and we were the only ones that turned up..... none if her family. no matter how bad it gets stay strong so that your other half dont see you cry, they say the truth will out , she has lied and will trip herself up

[friday]

i would hope to god that the police won't be telling the accuser to cry. if they believe her (which i think they are likely to if it going to court) then their primary concern will be making sure she is ok and then getting her into the courtroom because having to just let the accussed off because the accuser can't go through with it is not the point. i can't speak for all police officers but the soit officer in my case encouraged me to ask for breaks if it was getting too much rather than cry and even told me i didn't have to finish the trial if i couldn't.

i don't think crying in court makes people feel she is more honest. i think it makes people feel more uncomfortable because court is such an alien situation. people spilling out information you wouldn't normally hear (unless you knew them) and barristers ripping people to pieces and making them feel like scum as well as making up so much rubbish it is untrue. having never been a juror i don't know how i would feel about it had i never been on the witness stand but i think it is fairly obvious when barristers are using tactics and when people are telling the real answer (especially if the question is something ridiculous or so out of the blue). but thats me, with a brain in my head, a (basic) knowledge of psychology of the courtroom and about half an ounce of sense. whether the jury could establish fact from fiction and could recognise when the barrister is literally clutching at straws to discredit a person i am not so sure. perhaps they could use their brain (perhaps borrow one?)

i also think that tv plays a part nowadays and they expect the victim to be secretly after the accuseds millions so when they turn up and it isn't anything that exciting they just can't be bothered. perhaps they need a conscience as well as a brain....

sorry for rambling. i forgot what i was trying to say and just carried on....