Need help

[milliesdad]

I talked to the bank today cos my card was not working before she left, did not think anything of it at the time, they told me she changed it on 6th Feb which I did not know, The day she left I talked to her in the morning she seemed a little funny, I ask what was going on, she said dont be daft, I asked her if she had asked for telephone banking to whish she said No, then I said we had better sit down and talk tonite lady. I am beging to see she was planning

[milliesdad]

Do you know I am sat here in this house thinking 6 years ago today I married my wife, I am thinking to put petrol on it all with me in it and let it go. What has it all been for, I love her so much and no I dont want a life without her she is my world. Still not heard anything from the police, When I married her I said to her before this has to be for life or I will not do it and now its come to this.

[RFLH]

well that's a bloody dozy way of looking at things. What's that going to solve or achieve? It's as good as having 'guilty' tattooed on your forehead - you'd play into the hands of the 'no smoke without fire' brigade.

From the sounds of it she'd probably stand and watch - and all you'll have succeeded in doing is causing many other people heartache and distress - is that what you'd want to be remembered for?

I've been where you are and believe it or not - it does get easier and better, it just takes time.

No-one is worth taking your life over - all you get is dead. You can't change your mind, its permanent.

[milliesdad]

I know you are right but I have just got so down, I did not do what she is saying but I can not stop loving her

[RFLH]

ah but is it? You may be just confusing it with habit and companionship.

From what you've written about her, she neither likes nor respects you - the basis of any relationship is missing.

Again by your own admission she's used you as a meal ticket.

She's dumped you in the worst possible way and left you to fight for your dignity and innocence. What she's accused you of is vile - is this a person worth liking??

[Rights Fighter]

well that's a bloody dozy way of looking at things. What's that going to solve or achieve? It's as good as having 'guilty' tattooed on your forehead - you'd play into the hands of the 'no smoke without fire' brigade.

From the sounds of it she'd probably stand and watch - and all you'll have succeeded in doing is causing many other people heartache and distress - is that what you'd want to be remembered for?

I've been where you are and believe it or not - it does get easier and better, it just takes time.

No-one is worth taking your life over - all you get is dead. You can't change your mind, its permanent.

Not to mention the child(ren) in the family. What are they expected to think?

You have a duty (yes I said "duty") to those who do not know the truth to make sure that that becomes clear.

If you do what you are thinking about the headlines would read "Rapist who could not live with the guilt kills himself" and your wife will become the "VICTIM" all over again.

Do you really want this to happen.

I concur with RFLH when she counsels you to think about whether this is really "love" or "companionship".

You need to attack this in baby steps and one at a time.

[LS]

Both RF and RFLH are right. You do go through a period where you just will not see how the other party has wronged you and you keep loving them. In weeks to come you'll see how worthless she is and how foolish you feel for not seeing the truth for love.
Been there myself.

[RFLH]

oh LS - ain't that the truth!

[LS]

Yes. Personally I thought friends, family and all had got it wrong, and that she'd been forced to go against me..... months later I saw it all for myself. Love is blind, as they say. What they don't say is that it's sooo blind there's no guide dog, white stick, or laser surgery in existence that can make you see.. Only time does that.

[milliesdad]

It dont get any better bail yet again, just watching my marrage go down the drian and not a thing I can do about it. It would be far easyer the just forget her I know but I love her

[Casehardened]

Hi
I have to go back on the 12 april about bail, I know they will just re-bail what can I do, I get so down, even looked at ending my life

Hi,

No wonder you have been on a downer recently, the time just before answering bail is the worst as you don't know what's coming.

Did you have to go to the police station or did you get a phone call from the OIC giving you a new bail date?

Being rebailed is hell but on the other hand it means that there is hope.

[LS]

MD, sorry this is dragging out and dragging you down. There's nothing any of us can say which would be of any help re your marriage. You've got to look after yourself, and see that it's not the loss of a marriage which is the big loss; losing your good name and freedom, and being labelled as something you're not, are far bigger and more imminent losses than a marriage.
Try to keep strong. It's not easy, but believe me, I've been where you are 20 years ago and I'm still here. One day, something will click and you'll think Sod it, why did I spend any time thinking about her?
It will happen. Can't tell you when, but it will.

[milliesdad]

They are still looking and it CPS that is, What a cow the OIC is I think the ***** is just dragging it out now. Makes out she is all nice and not taking side. There is noway i am taking NFA I want it as no file. If it cost me I will fight for that and yes I do love my wife still but for what she as done I will take it to the courts its time she had some of this

[LS]

Good progress, MD. You're starting to see through the fog at last and beginning to think of yourself. I'm not saying that looking at your partner and seeing her as enemy number 1 is the right thing to do, but you certainly need to see that what she's doing is not a good thing for you, and that there comes a point where you will finally stop taking it on the chin and bite back. This sounds like the stage you're finally arriving at, which is great because it's progress.

Often people kick us, and continue to kick us when we're down, yet we continue to give them the love and respect they don't merit, until one day we've had enough of being kicked.

The cps thing may drag on, but it's been said often enough that that's because of a number of factors, not necessarily an OIC, so all you can do is to try to stick with it and be patient. And keep coming back here and venting, and we'll do our best to listen and help.

[milliesdad]

When we first started going out we worked at the same place, She did what she is doing now back then but not the rape think threats to kill and all that now I have hread thats what she has done at her works telling them all the same.