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  • My Story ....

    It’s long. So please bear with me ...

    Found this forum some 5 months ago, when out of the blue I got a call from a DS at a distant Police Force asking me where i was and if I could come and see them to answer some questions. I have a protracted history of family court contact/custody matter with an ex partner with whom I have two biological and step-children. I suspected it was another absurd complaint from her and so agreed to meet the police at a local station.

    I was accused by a Step-daughter who I had brought up for some 10 years of raping her as a child some 8-10 years ago. In this state of shock I was then interviewed by the Police and expected to recall family life from upto 14 years back. With a solicitor present I conducted a full comment interview but in retrospect wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.

    The accuser now a confident and intelligent teenager has suddenly remembered she had been raped by myself, abused by another family member and recalled me downloading child porn! I nearly vomited when I heard the charges but was just as angry upon hearing the absurdity of her false allegations. I was bailed time and time again for 3 months believing at some stage the police would see the stupidity of these false claims and her mother and grandmothers involvement in demonising me and my family as I fought for custody/contact for my other children.

    Incredibly when I thought the whole nightmare was coming to an end, the police formally charged me with the offences.

    Naively I had believed the police we on the side of the truth and would try to work out why the accuser, either coerced or not would make such crazy allegations. This could not be further from the truth. In the months prior to me being questioned and whilst on bail I suspect the police were checking my internet records for paedophilia, as i use various PC’s & notebooks. I am utterly disgusted and repulsed by anything verbal, physical or in anyway harmful to a child whether my own or anyone else’s and hence they would have found nothing.

    The OIC had no qualms in pretending to be on my side and blaming the whole facade on the CPS whilst feeding information to the accuser’s mother to gain a stronger witness statement against me. The deviousness of this beggared belief and I have learned the hard way, if you are accused of anything, there is No such thing as a “friendly chat” with the Police. The OIC is just there to gather information against you to gain a conviction hook or by crook. In their eyes the accuser is the Victim and you are just another cog in the machine or a stepping stone towards career progression.

    From my personal experience if you are accused of Rape, the Police are solely there to Convict you and Nothing else. Truth and justice are of no consequence to them, it’s just a job. They don’t care about any wider implications, full stop. Even in my case due to my other younger children and other accused members of my family any social and psychological responsibility is just not taken into account by the Police.

    I had to run the gauntlet of appearing in court twice under the threat of being reported in the media. My solicitor had already warned me,” mud like this sticks” and could do nothing to stop the press from reporting it. Fortunately at the directions hearing the experienced judge picked up on the absurdity of the accuser’s claims and reserved my case for himself. Amazingly the Prosecutor at court admitted the CPS hadn’t even reviewed my case but had charged me and put me before a Crown Court Judge!

    The next few months were torturous, I lost all interest in life, my long-time girlfriend and I split under the strain, my elderly mother became poorly, I became depressed and ill, my finances had gone from good to zilch and I was now in debt.

    I often came online to seek some solace from the stories of others but in fact just seemed to keep stumbling upon tales of innocent men incarcerated for years or even life and in the end felt so despondent was making plans to end my life. Now this is not because I had no faith or even the tiniest bit of guilt but because of the type of people I was up against, determined, intelligent and with an agenda. At my lowest ebb, I somehow managed to pull it together a little and gathered some info on my accuser, her credibility and her recent past which filled me with some hope.

    During this time the CPS hadn’t even served the prosecution papers to my solicitor but kept extending their deadlines set by the judge. Then as unexpectedly as I had been accused I was informed from the Police the charges had been dropped.

    Although my solicitors were expecting me to jump with joy, the whole crappy experience has left me with a bitter hollow taste and totally despondent of the Justice system. Myself, my ex-girlfriend, my family and friends have all become the Victims of an obviously disturbed adolescent girl and her vindictive mother and grandmother, yet the Accuser and her family will still be treated as the wounded party. Simply because she will walk around saying the case was dropped due to lack of evidence and that’s apparently all the CPS have to do, just say its either not in the public interest or there is lack of evidence. The fact that she gave a ridiculous video interview and was coerced as she has done in the past is never revealed by the CPS or if they have found anything else to undermine their case, such as the accuser and her mother making quick successive claims to the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority. Instead the full brunt of Social Services and Child Protection Officers continue to provide support for a fake victim while me and my family are left to pick up the pieces of our broken lives.

    Rape is definitely an abhorrent crime but in cases like ours this must be the most Absurd Justice system in the so called civilized world.

    Just to add though, this is a tremendous group and although I sound downhearted anyone else on here who is innocent and falsely accused just remember, no matter how hard it gets keep some faith, there is hope and you will get through it. I eventually did!

  • #2
    Thank you for going to the trouble to print your story, AJ. I can commiserate with you completely, having been thru the exact same thing except mine wasn't dropped and it went full course and she conned the jury too.
    Cases like mine are thankfully rare, but cases like yours are happening more and more. The good thing is that many are dropped, the bad thing is the damage we all suffer as a result.
    I've long held the view that the police, cps and the system were honest, but not any more. The system is totally in favour of the accuser, and fails to accept that minors can be coerced or bribed into making such claims.
    The best you can do now is to try not to let the ordeal turn you bitter and hateful of everyone else in this clearly corrupt country. That's the stage I'm at, and it's very difficult.
    Good luck, and thanks for sharing.
    LS

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    • #3
      Absurd Justice,

      Only bailed for three months, you were lucky that it was so quick

      Seriously it is good that you have taken the trouble to post your story; many folks feel that being charged is the start of a slippery slope with no 'Get out of jail' card, and your tale will give hope.

      I have posted elsewhere on the forum that I hope a new wave of realism is sweeping through the CPS, hopefully you have confirmed this.

      For yourself, you will progress through many stages to some sort of recovery, but to recount your experiences on this forum and perhaps give advice and support to those still caught up in the process is very therapeutic
      'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

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      • #4
        Hi AJ and welcome

        Thanks for posting your story. It is good to hear that *someone* in the justice system has some common sense, and it will give hope to our members who are either bailed, awaiting trial, or the partner of the accused.

        Saffron

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        • #5
          hey LifeSucks, I dont even know what to say to somebody who has survived through the ordeal you have, other than you must be a hell of a strong person to endure the rigour of this injustice. If you've come through it this far there is no way you should give up, the past is finished its the future thats more important.

          I stupidly believed only guilty people ever really ended up in prison but my own experience and reading stories like yours brings it home that this is far from the reality in our backward legal system. It beggars belief for me that a man could end up in prison, even for life based on some accusations by a disturbed minor, without a shred of DNA, physical or other evidence. The accuser just has to make a claim of rape or abuse and the entire system swings into action not to discover the truth but simply just to convict the accused.

          Thanks for your comments LS I think you already are and will continue to be an inspiration to others. Keep it up.

          Casehardened it was actually around 15 weeks I was bailed for and just under 6 months before charges were dropped. Still I know this is good compared to the ordeal of others on here and what a relief, but I hope you can forgive me for not being grateful for any of it, simply because I was innocent and should never have been charged in the first place.

          I will hang around for a while and hope I can help or offer tips to anyone caught up in the process.

          In fact while I was going through it I became so reclusive, barely talking to anyone and so paranoid I couldnt even pluck up the courage to post on here! lol
          Now that I have its like a great burden has been lifted. I would encourage others who may just be lurking and reading to register and post, a problem shared is a problem halved, especially one as delicate as this.

          Thank you All.

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          • #6
            Thanks for your kind words AJ, but I find others on here have been through as bad if not worse situations and are inspirational in their own ways. I think Saffron's partner wasn't fortunate (if that's the right word) enough to have his charges dropped, yet when I read her comments of what she endured from the partner of an FA it kind of makes my situation pale into insignificance. Also RFLH has had battles of her own, as nearly everyone on here.
            I think the fact we have all found a common factor, in this site, to be able to realise that our angst is all relative makes me realise that all of us are inspirational. Many don't realise it, so your comments echo my own in that there are people here who have huge respect from me.
            Last edited by LS; 31 March 2010, 12:23 PM. Reason: I really should have a voice activated keyboard for daylight hours!

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            • #7
              thanks, LS.
              True that we have all faced and overcome (or are in the process of overcoming) our own traumas. We emerge stronger because if what we have endured.
              I like myself better now, I am a more tolerant person, less likely to judge and (I hope) more likely to listen.

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              • #8
                well said saffron and LS - if you can survive this - you can survive anything .............. I keep telling myself that!!


                And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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                • #9
                  hi Saffron I hope it does give someone strength to see them through their ordeal. Your advice I have read on here has surely been a positive guide for me. So thanks

                  Once again LS you words are so true, everyone on here can be a source of encouragement and support for each other. If others can survive after suffering worse than I have, then I'm hopeful I can also get rid of the anger and resentment that has built up inside me over the last six months.

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                  • #10
                    Hi AJ
                    I too came out of it hating everyone and everything, instantly ready to blame everyone in this country for letting the system go on as it does, and instantly ready to argue. Then I came here and realised that actually it's not right to hate everybody, especially when it's not their fault or doing, and that I'd become a not very nice person by concentrating on Me. Reading about other people's experiences made me realise that we're all victims by the way we've been treated, and we're certainly not to blame and so blame must be aimed at the right people, not just all.
                    Like you, I've become insular and withdrawn. Withdrawn to the point where I rarely leave the house now, and if I do it's because I have to not because I want to. What used to be meandering window shops are now mad dashes. For me relationships are a past history because of the ongoing mistrust, and because I was convicted if anyone else made a silly allegation I'd be in prison indefinitely if I couldn't convince a jury of my innocence. I say indefinitely, due to the Two Strikes rule - convicted twice of a sexual or violent offence and you're in until hell freezes. So for me I can't afford to trust anyone again.
                    For you, though, you will be able to put this behind you and try to rebuild your life. It will take time but you will find you'll be able to learn to trust again.
                    Forget your accuser, as it'll drive you potty. I often rage at mine, but I also pity her for the motives behind her and her father's actions. Mostly I prefer days where I don't think about them at all.
                    Learning to trust authority may take a bit longer, but at least you now have the experience to know that things aren't always as they seem. For example, I now shun reading the tabloids because they will fracture the truth for a good story. And when I read/hear someone referred to as "a convicted.burglar/rapist/arsonist/paedophile/sex offender" I stop and wonder if they really are guilty, because for me the word "convicted" doesn't mean very much any more, now I know how little the word has to do with the truth.
                    LS

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                    • #11
                      I agree with you LS on all your points and you’re right this can really eat you up from the inside out if you let it. I would like nothing better than to forgive and forget. Forgive I can but forget I don’t think I ever will, simply because the accuser is the half sister of my younger sons. They will be no doubt be subjected to years of lies by the mother and grandmother of the accuser who are responsible for coercing her in the first place. Like you I can only pity my accuser and know she needs help but Not as a Victim of rape.

                      I can relate to your agoraphobic tendencies and having felt very much the same. Thankfully though I realised what a great network of friends I already had and instead of ignoring them as I initially did, once I began to see them I learned to laugh again! In fact I think that is the only that has kept me slightly sane is by occasionally laughing at my predicament, just thinking “this cannot be happening, to me of all people.”

                      I know it’s easier said than done but if you’ve managed to survive unjustly being imprisoned don’t let your home become another form of confinement. If you do then the system that put you in this dark place is still beating you. And quite frankly you come across an articulate and coherent bloke, if you can write like this you can probably talk the same, so going out and chatting to people should be a doddle for you

                      As for the trust thing I suppose this must be hard but thankfully people are not all the same and just like on here there are friends everywhere, it just that we have not discovered them all yet.

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                      • #12
                        Hi AJ, Although forgiving is one thing, and forgetting's another, it's important to recognise that even time spent thinking about that person is time wasted. I take the view that by thinking about that person, or what they've done, is letting them continue to win. This is where a host of activities and new friends and new experiences will help to put that person and their deeds further and further back in your mind.
                        The other good thing is that outwardly no one would know what's happened, so you can disclose it if you choose to discuss it with close friends/partners so they'll get to know You for You first.

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                        • #13
                          that's good advice LS - I shall try and follow it myself!
                          And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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                          • #14
                            great advice, LS. i would love to know how you got from knowing that dwelling on what that person has done to you is detrimental to your health and happiness to actually being able to stop. it seems that is where i fall down...
                            "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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                            • #15
                              It's a work in progress, but what I found worked for me was by doing things and hobbies like the one I do, where 100% concentration is needed. This means that your mind can't go wandering off.
                              When I was on licence, Probation barred me from a computer which had been my life previously - music, games, flight sims, etc - and the only thing he left me able to do was either Playstation games or something else. I found that while Playstation games are all well and good, it is possible to play them but almost on autopilot, so your mind goes over the bad things while you think you're occupied. I tried every type of game, Grand Theft Auto, shoot em ups, flight sims, the lot, and they all didn't help. Finally, I discovered a hobby that required total concentration (or huge expense if I lapsed) and that's worked for me. For others it could be anything; socialising, diy, but I think there's an element of risk to it. Something either dangerous or expensive or time-intensive, or just exhilarating.
                              I found that's the only thing which has worked for me, and since getting my pc back I've found this site, and the sites related to my hobby, so there's plenty to keep my mind off madam. Sure, I still have days when she and her lot pop into my mind, but at least I do have days where I have a break from those thoughts and that's the important small step to reach.

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