wife of accused

[goldfish]

Hi Keri1971keri

I'm sorry to hear you now in this situation. it must be difficult. I admire your resiliance in coping with the aftermath.

My husbands name, address and original charge appeared in the paper again after his last hearing with the date for the next one. It was as devastating as the first time. Little do they know that he wont now be appearing.

Having children helped me keep going for their sake as well as my husband. I'm sure they will be a comfort to you as you are to them.

[keri19711keri]

hi , the kids are a comfort,but i also know that you do need a bit of me time also.I know sometimes i snap at the kids when it gets too much ,then i feel like a bad parent.Us women im sure are super human lol.We take on the world,feel bad when we make normal mistakes,and do everything we can to amend them,then be a pillar of support where we have to. Even though we dont feel we have the strength,and not forgetting to cook,clean and shop,but most of all-we always get through the darkest days,no matter what life decides to throw at us. do you mind if i ask why he would not be attending? x

[goldfish]

My husbands case was dropped a few days after his last hearing so the date for his next was automatically cancelled.

We knew it was a possibility but had to wait an agonising few weeks while the prosecution reviewed the case due to evidence and information which came to light during the preliminary hearings. I have to point out that we are in Scotland and have a different justice system.

What annoyed us was that my husbands name and details were put into the paper without any thought to the distress it was going to cause and what was really happening with his case.
He has had to go through 6 hearings which have only lasted 5 minutes at the most and it had to be the last one that the press picked up on. I can only assume that there was a high profile case going on at the court the same day which allowed them to notice my husbands name on the daily court lists.

[Saffron]

I wrote to our local rag to complain after R's verdict and sentence appeared in the press. They published his full name and address, which as far as I am concerned left me and our son at risk. They didn't print an apology, but it made me feel better.

A couple of days after R was sent down our garage was broken into and I called the police. I explained the situation and they were actually very sympathetic, although there was little they could do.

Keri, make sure you look after yourself as well as your littluns and your hubby. Being the Strong One is mentally and physically exhausting. Do you have anyone who can support you? Maybe look after the kids for an afternoon so that you can do stuff like have a long bath, paint your toenails and do your hair? Little things like that can be very therapeutic.

Thinking of you.

[keri19711keri]

Thats brilliant news that the case was dropped, as for the press, no matter how many times they apologise publically or personally,the damage has now been done. I know when we hopefully get an appeal,and right the wrong that has been done,its not the end of it. This is where the system lets us down. Its easy to say "hold your head up high",Not so easy in reality. I truly hope life for you all soon becomes the great life you all deserve. Remember, you have been through the hardest part,and though you may not realise at the min-You are now so much stronger. I wish you all the best x x x

[keri19711keri]

hi, thankyou for the kind words. I dont really have any help. I have no family close by, and lost a lot of my friends due to standing by my partner. I dont blame them, its just a shame some people judge before hearing the evidence. I also moved into my partners flat, and gave up my house so he would not have lost that too. The press put the address i now live in,in the papers,so that was not nice. I have also had a death threat. It has not deterred me,nor has it stopped me appealing. The threat told me to drop one of the grounds of appeal,which was to do with "concerns of police activity". Needless to say, I found more reasons to strenghthen that particular point ! I believe in karma,and i believe the truth always comes out. It keeps me going. You sound like you have been through a traumatic experience yourself. You also sound like you have come through the otherside(i hope) x

[Saffron]

Hi Keri

Yes, we have come out the other side and are stronger, wiser, better people than we were.
Have you reported the death threat to the police? You have done nothing wrong, and the police have a duty to protect you.

Keep on keeping on.

[keri19711keri]

hi

No i didnt report the threat, unfortunately in this case,the police have had a lot to do with fabricating some evidence . I do not trust them. My mum is a police officer,and not seen a case like it. I had a down day when i replied to you,im not normally so down beat. I apologise for that. There is a way round everything,though sometimes just leaving it to a solicitor,i dont think is enough. That does not go for all legal teams-only the ones i have encountered. Keri

[goldfish]

Hi Keri

I hope you're feeling more positive and able to deal with all this, it sounds awfull. I always remember our solicitors telling us that police are no longer impartial and will do all they can to obtain a conviction. I can understand your mistrust of them. Hopefully your mum should be able to give you support and advise.

I see myself as a go ahead person and always try to be optimistic about life but I have to admit I also had alot of down days. Simple things helped me, whether it was doing something with the kids or going for a coffee with a friend, anything which helped my mind have a break from continually mulling over everything.

I hope you have supportive family and friends that can help you do this but also ones that can talk with and support you about your partners case.

[Saffron]

Keri, you should never apologise for having a down day! We all have them from time to time. Occasionally you need to take a step back from being the Strong One and make some time for yourself.
At times like this you really find out who your friends are. There will be those who abandon you, and those who stand with you. If you have lost friends because of this, then they were the ones who are not worth your friendship.

We are all with you.

[goldfish]

Well it's been a month now since the charge against my husband was dropped and apart from a phone call and letter from our solicitor we havn't heard anything formal from the Crown Office and Procurator fiscal. Is this normal? They still have my husbands work contract phone which he is still paying for. How do you go about getting items back?
My husband says he is going to go round and talk to his solicitor but he keeps putting it off, partly because he wants to put things behind him and get on with life but he cant and is finding things difficult to deal with. Counselling was suggested to him so he has agreed to see about that.
If his accuser was to be prosecuted would we be told? I strongly believe she should and people keep asking us if we are going to do anything about it. I don't know were to start.