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A mothers worry

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  • #16
    quinn b- i am not suprised that 30 out of 100 have told you they have been raped. thats roughly 1 in 4 which is the figure often quoted. it is also very common for a person who has been raped once to be raped again. i have spoken to others on here about this phenomenon, questioning if there is "something" which potential rapists can detect, like they see the vulnerability.

    just as you believe women have a "weapon" in that they can accuse a man of rape. i believe men who want to rape have a "weapon" in the fact rape is one of the only crimes where there is often no evidence unless the women puts up a fight, which many don't out of fear. also the fact that a rapist can claim consent is so different to other crimes, you can't claim the victim consented to be beaten up. the conviction rate for rape is so low (approx 6%) so the odds are in a rapists favour and in court the victim can be judged badly by the jury if she had been drinking, had gone to the rapists house or has mental health conditions.

    i understand that your experience of the criminal justice system has left you doubting everyone who says they have been raped but i feel like your experience of the system actually leaves you on the same side as many rape victims. you have both been wronged by both the system and the person who committed the crime (false accuser or rapist).

    case hardened- i know you said it was a rhetorical moan but....
    to define rape by whether the rapist was known (stranger vs aquaintance rape) is far too simplistic as is using the fact a woman drank alcohol to suggest the rape was not 'as much of a rape'. i also believe this could have an effect on the number of rapes committed as a potential rapist may feel they might as well rape a woman who was drunk as it isn't as serious a crime.

    the statement about a violent assault is the exact kind of attitude i have a problem with. rape is a violent assault even without being physically injured. the fear and panic felt in all rapes ("violent" or or not) has a lasting effect on victims. i find it insulting that anyone cannot understand the impact rape has on the victim, whether they had been drinking/it was an aquaintance/it was a stranger. although i understand that "crying rape" when no rape occurred is also a very serious crime with a massive impact on the victim's (falsely accused) life and i believe drunken consent is still consent (though obviously being unconscious from alcohol would make it rape).

    the effect aquaintance rape has had on my life is immense. i may not have been "violent attacked" by a stranger but i felt the same fear, i begged for it to stop in the same way, i have nightmares and flashbacks just like someone who had been "violent attacked", i wailed after it happened so loud a man came to help me from streets away (hardly the response you would expect if it was a lesser crime), it has effected my whole life.

    had i been drinking? yes. did i consent? no. and that is the key point. to have your body invaded against your will. that is what makes it rape and to make a distinction between "types" of rape only adds to the feeling many rape victims feel that unless you were beaten black and blue by a stranger you should just get over it. or at least thats how i felt in court...and its what i tell myself everyday.

    rant over. sorry to both of you!
    "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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    • #17
      Friday - you have as much right to post as anyone else and say what you think - rant or no rant. Years ago I suffered rape within a marriage - it wasn't a crime then, it is now. Would I have pressed charges? Yes I would have done.
      And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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      • #18
        While I see the opinions from all sides, I do side with Friday in that I think most men underestimate the effect rape has on women. From a purely physical point of view, to have your body invaded by something, or something belonging to someone, must be incomprehensible and that's without taking into account the thought aspect of worrying if they've just been infected or made pregnant. And then as we all know women are far more emotional and questioning than the male species, no doubt the thoughts of did they cause or deserve it, guilt, and all the other emotions set in. It's something us guys just don't see.

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        • #19
          Sorry if we've hijacked Sad's thread.
          Last edited by LS; 3 April 2010, 04:35 PM.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by LS View Post
            Sorry if we've hijacked Sad's thread.
            oops, will respond to Friday in general discussion
            'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

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