A mothers worry

[Sad]

Hi

I dont really know whats happened today. My son came home from his girlfriends house early this weekend. (I think he dumped her as she cheated on him.) At about half nine this evening 4 policmen came to the door to arrest him for "alleged" rape. They told him that he'd been accused of raping her this afternoon, then took his mobile phone off him, hand cuffed him and put him the back of a van.

What happens now? I guess he has to be interviewed? Im left dumb founded by it all :-( Hes a good kid.

Sad.

[LS]

Hi
Sorry you had to find us, but glad you did, as many of us have been through it.
They'll probably interview him either tonight or tomorrow morning. They'll fingerprint him and take dna samples. There isn't a great deal you yourself can do right this moment until you've got more information and a better understanding of what's actually been alleged.

[LS]

...............

[Sad]

How will I find a good solicitor for him? Sorry, I dont really want to keep asking but I need to know.

Sad.

[LS]

Solicitors I can't help with. The moderators RFLH and Rights Fighter will be on later.

[RFLH]

Hi Sad, sorry you've ended up here.

By now you should know whats happened to your son. If you can let us know could you give us a brief outline?

We'll then be able to offer advice that will be constructive to you.

[Casehardened]

Hi,

You must have had a terrible night/weekend.

It would be helpful to know (from the aspect of offering advice to you) if either your son or his girlfriend are minors, as this impacts on the way the police investigate.

[Rights Fighter]

I have PM'd you Sad.

[witsend]

thought

Hi Sad
Please make sure you get a solicitor. we found ourselves in this awful situation and were so lucky to find a good solicitor, who was honest and explained the whole process to us. We were given good news today that the case against our son has been dropped, so things do go right sometimes. You will probably be having an awful awful time of it at the moment, I can't tell you it will get any easier as this process can seem unbearable. I know from the experience we have just been through that this site is invaluable, please please please keep coming back, there is a wealth of support to be found here.

[Sad]

Hi

No they are both young adults, and have been going out a few months. They had a good morning together until she decided to tell him she cheated on him. He was really upset and they had a massive row. He told her it was over and came home. The police have interviewed him, and let him out on bail. They didnt raid the house or take his laptop or anything.

When is he supposed to get a solicitor? There was one there at his interview. Even thou this is a false accusation against him could he really be done for rape?

What do they do to the girl that reports it to the police? I can understand her going mad at being dumped but why would she want to ruin his life??

SAD

[LS]

Hi Sad
It's good that nothing was seized, at least that gives an inkling that the police are not as clued up, or are taking things at face value having interviewed your son.
Ideally getting a solicitor should be done at the earliest, in my opinion. Until now he would have had a duty solicitor, an on-call jack-of-all-trades, but not someone able to give specialist advice. So now would be the time to seek one out, should this go any further.
Anyone could be done for rape, and many have on just as tenuous evidence, but I think the police would have done a lot more if they thought there was a case against him.
Often the police and cps won't do anything to the girl concerned. They'll take her age into account, no previous etc, and if they can't decide there is much chance of a conviction against her then they won't bother. It is rare when an accuser is prosecuted, but they're usually of the serial variety.

[witsend]

hi

hi sad. PLEASE get a solicitor ASAP, we found ourselves in a similar situation to you and your son very recently and I understand the hell you are going through.
Why has she done this???? I think this is a question many of us would like the answer to but unfortunately probably never will. Please keep returning here, there are some very wise people who will try to support you and answer some of your questions, they helped me in our darkest hours.

[RFLH]

thanks for replying witsend - its good when people we've helped come back to help others who are going through the same thing.

It's much appreciated and especially when they can share a positive end to their bad time.

[quinnb]

Why has she done this? Sorry to be blunt but the answer is
Because she can! and she did.
Victim status is very powerful - the old bill jump to attention - the whole world jumps in to action and in affect she gets them to do her dirty work for her.
The police are so stupid and dont realise they are being used duly oblidge!
There is absolutely no comeback on her unless she is then silly enough to admit she made it up which she wont of course! -
No offence to females - but they have one hell of a weapon - hmmm how do I get my own back on my ex? - I know I will accuse him of raping me.
They get backed into a corner - if they admit they made it up they go to prison so they have to continue with thier lie and that just f**ks up lives.
They can go forward into the future telling all and sundry they got raped. and then get sympathy for the rest of time.


I have "played the field" in my time and met over 100 girls in the last 8 years.
I would say at least 30 of these have told me that they have been raped at some point in time in thier lives! - I have heard it so often that I think - here we go again! - I am not saying they havent but I as I often hear the exact same story - I always think some of them have to be lying to the point now when I hear it all of them are lying - but that is just my opinion and my experiences.

[Casehardened]

Apologies in advance for a rhetorical moan

What is rape anyway?

Is it rape when a woman walking home alone at night is dragged off the pathway into the undergrowth by a stranger and subjected to a violent assault which may include non-consensual intercourse.

Is it rape when a woman spends a convivial evening with a man, possibly with alcohol forming the eternal triangle, returning willingly to his home and his bed, then cries rape during the next day.

Perhaps it is time to define different categories of rape as has happened with the crime of taking someone’s life (murder, manslaughter, misadventure)

It is quite possible that the different categories of ‘victim’ that this distinction would give rise to would cause these women to consider their status a little more carefully.

Rant over