ROUGH time

[witsend]

well got through yesterday...son in state again last night, my heart feels as if it ripped into pieces. Will bring him home for a few days try to calm him down again. Do these people not understand the devastation they cause to peoples lives. Trying to get any outside support is a nightmare and as a family we are exhausted. My only saving grace are my tablets which I am now on maximum dose doc can prescribe, anyone ever consider buying meds online? hope you are all hanging in there.

[RFLH]

witsend don't do that for heavens sake - you don't know what they are and IF they're ok they could react with what you're taking anyway.

Its a hard thing to do, but you will get through this - you may feel that you won't at this moment.

Keep coming back and writitng on this thread - rant and vent, its therapeutic and we can keep a check on you!!

[Saffron]

I echo what RFLH said - please don't even think about it. It's potentially lethal.
The agony of seeing a loved one suffer is heartbreaking, but you have to stay strong for your son. He needs you like never before. You are his rock and you *can* do this.
Keep coming back and venting, it does help. We are all here for you.

Saffron

[witsend]

thaks

Well, our son back home again, bit more settled, rattling around in an empty flat with too much time on his hands must be awful. Don't worry won't get meds off net, stupid thought. Must say nice it to know other in the same situation are out there, but we should never be in this situation in the first place. One question, how do I reassure my son everything will be OK when we have no way of knowing thats true. Still clinging on to solicitors reassurance

[macdougal]

Witsend, it will be near impossible to assure your son. Sorry this isnt what you want to hear. I had my case NFA'd a week ago today and I'm still not sure everythings going to be ok and I've made it through.
What helped me was I had my mum telling me to stop worrying, try to put it out of my mind get on with things as normal as possible and grilling me if i spoke about any negative thoughts. My dad on the other hand listened to everything I had to say, was sympathetic used reassurance but understood that despite what they were saying i'd still be worrying.

This contrast worked a treat. Because my mum wouldnt allow me to be negative around her, it gave me the strength to not give in and be reclusive but I had my dad to vent my frustrations and worries with.

May work for your son but thats your call just thought I'd tell you what I feel helped me through it

[RFLH]

that's good advice macdougal - I hope everyone has someone that they can bounce thoughts and worries off.

[witsend]

thanks

macdougal, glad to hear yours has been NFA'd! thanks for the advice. our circumstances are complicated by the fact our son is autistic. How long had you been left waiting to hear that your case had been NFA'd? if you don't mind me asking? I think this is the worst aspect.....all the waiting for info.

[macdougal]

Thank you witsend
Erm I was arrested on the 29th of december, so it was a good 9-10 weeks. I was re-bailed once and then 3 weeks later NFA'd
If you dont mind me asking witsend, what is the severity of your sons autism?
I've worked with autism in the past and if its at quite a high level, then, although he will be aware that something unpleasant is happening, would it not be fairly easy to occupy his mind with other activities. In my experiences, with different levels of autism, whilst mentally and physically engaged, any other issues are pushed aside, it is only when there is a decrease in positive interaction that problems came about.
I wont pretend to be an expert and obviously every condition is different, but would be interested to know about his condition as , and i stress, I MIGHT be able to advise you a little (dont mean to sound patronising, you have obviouslt dealt with it his whole life, but i may be able to offer a different approach. as your name suggests, youre at your wits end and could be too worried to think of alternatives)

I hope this reads in the way its intended and not like im trying to be a know it all

[witsend]

any advice welcome

it high functioning autism, but the emotional impact on him has been devastating. i try to keep him occupied and he was going to a group thing but a certain amount of paranoia has now set in so he hasn't been lately

[macdougal]

how did he find the groups? I found with a lot of people ive worked with in the past will say they enjoy it but it actually causes more anxieties.
You should try to engage him in something that is very stimulating, but also something he can grasp so that it doesnt become to much for him or make him lose interest. One guy i worked with asked me if id teach him guitar and because he couldnt grasp one chord he got fed within 5 minutes however he was more than glad to listen to me play.
What does he enjoy most? I'd suggest that the best thing for you to do (although i do appreciate that your mind will be jumping about everywhere and find it difficult to concentrate on one thing) is to do the activity he enjoys the most. Depending on his personality (which you know best) it might be an idea to reassure him that 'everything is going to be fine and so we're going to be doing .........such activity....... to try and get him to take his mind off everything. You have to prepare for the worst, although you cant tell him that nothing will happen i'd suggest trying to give him a more positive attitude to help him deal with the problems. You on the other hand should discuss in private with the family all your concerns keeping this away from him if at all possible. From my experiences its important that life stays as clockwork for him as possible to reduce anxiety.

you continue to vent your frustrations here and with people around you.

do you have a post that has more description of what your son has been through? I may be able to offer more support if I know more.

[LS]

Thanks Macdougal, it's at times like this when this site - and specifically the You's like You on it - really go that extra mile for people.

[witsend]

info

macdougal, son was arrested, fingerprinted, dna sample, reading things on here all sounds pretty normal. Due to needing an appropriate person present questioning was delayed for 10 days. This took over five hours, with our solicitor present. not sure who this was worse for him or me and my husband. After questioning solicitor said we have nothing to worry about as he gave a very clear and detailed statement. Officer in charge told us to go home and get on with our lives, but that I may need to be questioned, as far as that goes i haven't been called to give a statement so not sure if that good or bad. We hang on to the hope that our solicitor was right, but are not so stupid as to not be prepared for the worse. Lack of info as to what is happening is the biggest killer. It's just soooooooooo hard, try to find things to occupy our time and minds but there are times when i want to crawl up and die. Saving grace has been this place and our GP who is very understanding.

[macdougal]

Witsend, I had a duty solicitor when I was arrested and I spoke to him for 20 mins and he said to me, ill have you out of here after youve been interviewed. And he did, i was advised to go and get on with my life by OIC who also said they couldnt see it going anywhere. But after that I was given no news at all and i agree thats the worst part (after I had accepted prison was a possibility, which took a while.)
I can tell you until I'm blue try not to worry about it, but it really doesnt help.
One piece of advice I can give is to try and find something your son enjoys doing and take part in it with him but also think about things in stages. Try not to worry about court, conviction or prison but focus your energies on whats happening now. I kept jumping the gun saying well if I am sent down then I'll continue to fight until justice is served, my mum would tell me to stop that and just focus on reaching my bail date and seeing what happens then. Although preparation for the worst is imperative, the main focus should be the here and now.
Another way round finding things to do with your son could be (if youre comfortable with it) is accept that the very worst is going to happen (I honestly believe it wont) and treat the time together now as precious and enjoy every moment. It is quite important though to keep in your sub-conscience a positive attitude.

Is the evidence in this case in your sons favour?

[witsend]

don't know

macdougal, can't say whether evidence in his favour as obviously we only know his side of the story..... but after questioning he told us this girl has said things that were a complete fabrication. She DID inform him of the form of contraception she was on before they had sex. We have also been informed by another person that she has accused somebody else of this insidious crime once before!! yes we try to make each day less stressful with our own worries.
thanks again for listening

[whatdidieverdo]

Hi witsend,

Please what ever you do, do not buy drugs from he internet or any oher source. God knows what are in these things and you could do yourself some real harm, they could even counter act what the GP has given you.

My adivice is to read some motivatioal/self help books. I know this sounds wooly and trust me as a man of science i would not have touched them with a barge pole but they are helping me through some pretty dark days. "When your falling, dive" is one im reading right now, its doing me the world of good as has this forum.