Having a hard time of it!

[macdougal]

Its judgement week for me and im having a hard time. Just going to ramble on because I need to vent some frustrations.
Should find out by the end of the week if im going to be charged or not and its so scary. Just keep looking at my daughters smile and breaking down.
Ive been doing pretty well at hiding my feelings the last couple of weeks but really starting to feel the stress.
Im a genuinely nice person and I ve done absolutely nothing wrong but im just so scared. My daughter is my world and ive struggled hard over the last 9 months as a single dad and im scared that all the hard work will be undone.

Sorry people just need some support

[Saffron]

This is very tough, but hang in there. You can't change anything at the moment, you just need to be prepared.
If I were in your shoes, I would prepare for the very worst. Get yourself ready to respond if you are charged. That way it won't be such a shock and you will be mentally ready. Get your boxing gloves on, as RFLH would say.

When emotions threaten to overwhelm you, try doing some physical activity - go for a walk, get the hoover out, repaint a room, anything! It sounds crazy but it really does help.

You might feel alone, but you are not. Deep breaths. There is nothing you can practically do to change the situation at this stage, so busy yourself with getting ready for the next stage. And feel free to come here and vent!

[RFLH]

Nope, you're not on your own. Come here to shout and you'll feel much better.

Be prepared for anything and everything and you won't go far wrong.

We care what happens.

[macdougal]

Thanks guys.
I am really glad I found this place. Its already helped a great deal, even the less positive comments help me prepare for the worst. I think if it was down to my family and friends words id be over confident which would crush me if the worst does happen. Ive also had some positive feedback from here to which helps balance things and keep me on an even keel.
I think im feeling it more this week because I know this is where I'll find out either what the near future holds.
Its been a very strange unpleasant experience so far with the allegation and im just hoping some faith in the justice system is restored.
Im pretty much always active anyway having my daughter here all the time but with regards to the painting idea already thought of that but think I'll wait to see if I do get charged, thats when im likely to be at my worst. Awaiting trial will be the worst feeling in the world so going to need all the help in the world to take my mind off things.

I appreciate the support from everyone in here, it means a lot. Im going to need it this week, ive gone from being angry at the situation back to worry and fear and I dont like it one bit

Thank you again though

[macdougal]

Just a quick question to you both, who seem to know a fair bit.
*IF* it does go to court, could her going out to the pub nearly every night since she made the allegation and sleeping with more people be used against her? Because surely anyone who had been through what shes claiming would be too scared to be with other people so soon

[RFLH]

You'd think so wouldn't you? But what they'd probably say is that she was a nice girl but you've turned her bad.

They'll manage to put a spin on everything.

They don't play fair - they don't play clean.

It's awful having to burst bubbles, but I'd rather do that than you think you'll sail through. Hopefully you will and I'll be the first to congratulate you.

Take nothing for granted.

[macdougal]

Could they argue that I turned her that way if i can prove she was like that before? Because I can. I have many witnesses to her escapades

[Saffron]

No, it couldn't. And to be honest, if it was raised, it would probably be seen as her "trying to blot out" the memory of the "rape".
Frequently genuine survivors of rape do behave promiscously in the aftermath of a genuine attack. They are trying to convince themselves that they can have a normal sexual relationship after such a violation, and that sex can be an enjoyable experience.

You do need to get up and get fighting, but this line of enquiry would not be advisable. I recommend getting the brushes and rollers out and slapping some paint on a wall! Keep your chin up.

[macdougal]

Thanks Saffron, had a feeling that might be said, but I'm just trying to look at all possible defenses, as I've come to find out, there isnt much defense I can offer other than hope I'm believed.
Is it true that witness statements are hardly used as defense? Ive read somewhere that they have virtually no value at all.
There are 2 witnesses in my case that have both given versions of events that match mine and also show lies in her statement

[RFLH]

They don't allow you to bring up a person's past - sexual/morals any more either, I think I'm right saying. If they do, then I think they have the right to attack you back.

RF will know and put us right!

[macdougal]

Im not looking for an attack as such RFLH, i want to show that there has been no change in her personality what-so-ever and I'm pretty certain that there isnt anybody in this world has been raped that hasnt changed in anyway at all
Im not a vengeful person. Im not looking for ways to attack or anything im looking for the truth to come out guys. My priority is to get this over with and get on with mine and my daugters life. I've always tried to avoid any kind of trouble because its just not in me to bother with it. My hope, is if it does go to court, that she or someone who knows her will come and say she's lied. Before this I only had things to look forward to for our futures and this has put a stop to all that. I just want to get back on track with bringing my daughter up in a way in which I fought so hard for over the past 9 months

[Rights Fighter]

Thanks Saffron, had a feeling that might be said, but I'm just trying to look at all possible defenses, as I've come to find out, there isnt much defense I can offer other than hope I'm believed.
Is it true that witness statements are hardly used as defense? Ive read somewhere that they have virtually no value at all.
There are 2 witnesses in my case that have both given versions of events that match mine and also show lies in her statement

They should be used. I am not sure where you read that defence statements virtually have no value at all. Possibly you are confusing "good character" references - these seem to be material witness statements so they should and MUST be used.

Going to the pub is not an unusual reaction to being assaulted as it blots stuff out. being (provably) promiscuous so soon after being raped is odd. I cannot see that it would come under "previous sexual history" as this is post alleged rape, not pre.

Sorry I can't get on much I am trying to rest my eyes as they are a bit wonky at the moment (rather like the rest of me I fear!)

[macdougal]

RF thank you, I had read your post about not being on much so I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my thread. Truly hope youre feeling better soon.
So what youre saying is *IF* it gets as far as court I should get my solicitor to collect statements off people who have slept with the girl since the alleged attack? I have several people who can confirm she has not changed in character at all since the night we had CONSENSUAL sex. It would seem that once the initial investigation was over a week or so after the report she has continued her life in a very normal to usual way. Which angers me greatly because thats what I want. My life back

[Rights Fighter]

Sorry I thought you said you had material witnesses

There are 2 witnesses in my case that have both given versions of events that match mine and also show lies in her statement

If you start producing statements from people who claim to have slept with her since the alleged offence the jury will think you are scraping the barrel and that is never helpful.

If you get charged double check FIRST that you have on board a solicitor who specialises in defending false allegations as opposed to defending sex cases. There is a difference.

You can discuss the "behaviour" aspect with the sol once you know where you are.

Concentrate on your DEFENCE not on smearing the accuser's name.

[macdougal]

I do have 2 witnesses that were in the house at the time i also have friends who know and who have socialised with her since the allegation was made, so i do have a fair bit behind me