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Hey Broken, Keep strong. Both of you!
I'm currently on police bail awaiting the decision of the CPS and know all too well how your partner is feeling.
The circumstances are slightly different, i had a false allegation of rape made against me, and the only thing worse than that in my opinion is a false allegation of child abuse.
It took me the first 2 weeks to stop crying and breaking down at the prospect of prison. the last 2 and a half weeks ive decided to be as positive as i can because im a full time single dad and shes more important to me than anything, and also the main reason for my breakdowns when i do have a bad day of fear and worry.
All I can suggest is that the pair of you lead as normal a life as possible until this thing blows over, im sure it will.
If it goes to court then thats another thing to deal with but for now its just a caution and, as hard as it is to deal with, life has to go on.
Something ive realised over the last 4 and a half weeks is that worrying makes it worse.
The feeling of dread wont go and from what ive read *when* your partner is cleared it will take a while to regain normality, but fill your days withb activities as i do and this will minimise the time you have too dwell on whats going on.
Hope this helps
Your right the only thing worse than what is happening to you is the false allegation of child abuse, lets face it i would rather get done for murder than that, its such a horrible horrible thing to be accused of.
Its been 2weeks and the tears are still here. My partner is currently staying with her folks as she needs there support right now too and as we live at different ends of the country to her parents i say im here for her, im not here for her as in i can cuddle her whilst she cries herself to sleep at night, just writing this is breakin my heart and bringin tears to my eyes. I know at times like this you need your family around you and hence thats why shes staying with her folks for a while, how long i dont know but i do know that shes in the right place even tho i cant be with her i do talk to her everyday and try and keep positive which is hard when shes soooo down right now.
She doesnt wanna talk to me right now, which im tryin not to take to heart or let her push me away so i just txt her and let her know that im thinking of her and that im here day or night if she needs me, or wants to talk or just cry to. I feel thats all i can do right now. If i could take this off of her i would. Ive been researching on the internet for information on support for the accused etc but my brain is so frazzled that its not making much sense just yet.
We cant live a normal life when were not together right now but i do try and be as normal as possible and when she does come back home i will take your advice and try and keep her occupied with activities.
Your advice has helped me very much, thank you to you both for taking the time to comment and advise me. I hope that everything works out for you both and that you can get on with the rest of your lives without these nightmares haunting you.
Thanks Broken
I really wish we could say or do more for you than we can, but a great deal of the angst is caused by the other parties and until they show their hand all you and your partner can do is try to be strong and patient, which I know is not easy.
It's very easy to become rundown, as the stress is deadly so try to maintain your health and eating habits. You may find all she'll want to do is discuss the case, try to be patient with her. My family weren't and a backlog of stress is not good. Both of you need to be sharp and focused at this time, especially when the police can be at their nastiest as you've seen.
You're in my thoughts, and there's usually someone on here to talk to, it's not a one-stop!
Kind regards
LS (i really should change my name, it's not the best for trying to make people feel happy)
I understand how its difficult to carry on as normal then. Not to take anything away from yourself, but she is probably better off with her parents. I know of all the advice ive been given from friends and family my musm is the best. Despite her feeling distrought and worried about it all she continues to kind of tell me off for getting down, telling me you've done nothing and shouldnt get yourself down, you have a wonderful daughter there that needs you to be strong for her. And my mums right.
If i was to just have the sympathy that my friends are giving me Id cracck up with depression. Parents usually seem to know how to keep you on a even keel despite their own worries and concerns.
But continue the way you have been, constantly ringing to see shes alright might distress but texting is good, she knows youre thinking and cdan then decide to reply or not or ring you back etc, with text it puts the ball in her court.
Stay strong and positive. it could be a rough time ahead, but hope its easy for you both and is NFA'd
Just got off the phone to solicitor my case is currently with the cps and he will ring again next week and let me know before i answer bail whats going to happen
It's very easy to become rundown, as the stress is deadly QUOTE]
Youre very right there LS, despite the support and positivity im getting ive had a bad a several cysts and currently have tonsillitis because of the stress and worry
I underestimated the stress and it crept up on me. It's amazing how wrinkles appear overnight, teeth work loose and health generally suffers. It left me with a lovely permanent skin problem that usually only affects middle aged women, so I needed that like a visit from Gordon Brown.
LS, its the opposite right now, she doesnt want to talk about the case but when that changes i would gladly listen to her about it all, i think that this could be a while yet tho as she currently doesnt wanna talk to anyone. Im thinkin of phoning her mum and having a word with her and about how she is really doing cos of course shes very vague when she does contact me and im worried.
I agree Macdougal, she is in the right place. If it were me then id want my mum too, they do have a way of soothing you and putting you at ease despite there own worries and concerns.
I havent spoken to her on the phone for a few days now but i dont wanna push her to and so we communicate via txt which im happy with cos i dont wanna stress her out anymore than wot she already is and if im honest, half the time i dont know wot to say to her for the best, all of this has been such a complete and utter shock. I am leaving the ball in her court, she knows where i am when she is ready to talk.
What does NFA'd mean?!...
I honestly hope that next week goes well for you and that the CPS can see this case for what it really is, a complete lie. Please do keep me informed with how you get on, give us some hope that there is some justice in the world!!
Be thinkin of you both during these sh1tty times.
Chins up and i will try and stay positive and hopefully that will rub off on my partner at some point very soon.
NFA means no further action. Which in a way is what we all want to hear, but i cant help but think that isnt what i want to happen, what i actually want to happen is for it to come out shes lied and something happens to her as I want my name well and truly cleared from every angle not just the legal side but in the eyes of the public and potential employers.
Of course I'll keep everyone ive spoken to on here informed. its probably a site that ill now use for the rest of my life to give advice from my experience.
Im not gonna let this lie as a bad experience but will try and fight whoever i need to to help others who are falsely accused to rebuild their lives. Its one thing to be told you dont have to go to prison but to be prejudged because of a crb check that shows an arrest is bound to be something that will make me relive this hell and i dont want to be told i cant do the job i love because of a lie
Broken,
It's good that you have found this place as the initial shock is why, why, has this happened and it's strangely comforting when you realise you're not alone, these false accusations are happening every day and to lots more folks who, for one reason and another, cannot access this forum.
It's good to talk to people who understand yet are anonymous.
Not wanting to depress you yet further but you mentioned your partner has a 2 month wait until she hears what the CPS are going to do. I'm presuming you mean she has to answer bail on this date, but I'm afraid that in most of the cases this is an arbitary date, often set at 6 weeks, but not neccessarily the date a decsision will be made. Usually it takes several months, as I say, not wanting to knock you back, but worried you might think it will be all over in 2 months.
Casehardened
You say that it can take longer than that. My case is acctually with the cps now, meaning the evidence has been collected and analised i presume. I answer bail on feb the 8th and the solicitors i am dealing with seem to think they'll have an answer for me towards the end of next week. once its with cps is a decision usually made quickly or when you say to broken it could a lot longer do you mean the cps can take a long time deal withit?
Cheers
one positive for you is that the longer the decision making process goes on, the more likely it is that the CPS are doubtful, the real serious cases are remanded and before a magistrate within the week.
another problem with an arrest going on record is that it can affect insurance. Barclays actually ask this question before giving a quote on house insurance, my cynicism suggests the premium may go up if you answer yes.
Hi,
Our posts crossed, yes sorry, I assumed Broken's partner was still in the police investigation stage, you're right the CPS move fairly quickly, but remember it has to be looked over by two separate CPS lawyers to agree a NFA
Last edited by Casehardened; 29 January 2010, 04:06 PM.
Reason: Additional reply
Cheers Casehardened,
I rang the solicitors office today and they said they will ring the police station and ring me back
When they rang back he said its with the CPS now and he will ring wed or thurs next week where they should have made a decision.
If he tells me theyve said NFA should I relax and take this as the outcome is there a chance that by the monday they'll have changed their minds?
Im just so fed up now, 29th dec and i was thinking what a good new year this is going to be, new job on the horizon, time for my daughter and I to start a better lifestyle. 24 hours later and all this. I just want to know at the earliest possible time that I can start to look forward to the future again
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