Falsely convicted .. any distinction?

[LS]

Hi
I don't really know where to turn, then found this forum by chance.

I'd like to know if there's any distinction (here) between being falsely accused, and being falsely convicted.

My life was destroyed a couple of years back by a so-called 'friend' who used his teenage daughter as a mouthpiece to make a false accusation against me. I had every faith in being open and honest and you'll be believed. How wrong I was, along with my family and friends.

This 'friend' has, over the last 20 years, used every chance to stab me in the back while being nice to my face, from losing me jobs by accusing me of theft, criminal damage, theft and harassment. Because I saw the good in everyone, not the bad, I was too stupid to keep away.

This whole matter's destroyed my life, my children's lives, my mother's family won't talk to her. And the best bit is the parties concerned were caught lying in court, yet we who told the truth were disbelieved.

There are days when I go from anger to despair, I've been on antidepressants for over a year, I don't leave the house any more, and frankly I'm at the point of going public over this whole farce we call a legal system.

The police force concerned is the most corrupt in the uk (who else's officer would let their boyfriend, a teenage boy-racer, drive a MARKED police car?)

And to top it off, to be accused of a sexual offence is bad enough, but this? At one point I was actually going to be tried for rape, as a minor cannot consent, which is why I thought this was relevant here. However most of my sad case has parallels in most of the threads here, which is why I've thought long and hard about coming on here.

I appreciate everyone's got different angst and different angles, but just being amongst people in a similar situation may be of help.
Thank you
LifeSucks

[Casehardened]

Hi
I don't really know where to turn, then found this forum by chance.

There are days when I go from anger to despair, I've been on antidepressants for over a year, I don't leave the house any more, and frankly I'm at the point of going public over this whole farce we call a legal system.

I appreciate everyone's got different angst and different angles, but just being amongst people in a similar situation may be of help.
Thank you
LifeSucks

Hi,

As a new member myself it's hardly my place to welcome you but I suppose one thing most of us have in common on here is that we are angry at the way we have been treated by the justice system, though it may be from several different viewpoints.

It's difficult to suggest how to cope as one size doesn't fit all, but I try to engineer one good thing that's going to happen each day, so there's something to get up for.

[Saffron]

Hi Lifesucks

My husband was falsely accused of rape and was subsequently tried and convicted of indecent assault. He was wholly innocent of both these crimes. The only thing he was guilty of was drunkenly getting off with a colleague in a hotel room and as far as I am concerned the only person who can judge him on that is me. He was sent to prison for a crime he never committed.

There is a huge difference between being falsely accused and falsely convicted, but the emotional upheaval and trauma is much the same.

However you can either let it destroy you, or you can become stronger and more resilient as a result of it. The scars take years to fade, and they never go away entirely. In my case our ordeal made me realise how strong I really am, and for that I am grateful. It also forced my husband to pursue the job of his dreams - he had no other choice, seeing as he was deemed "unemployable" by most mainstream companies.

I think that on the whole, we are happier and stronger because of the stupid woman's lies.

Peace? Not really. The injustice of it all still burns in my chest. Solace? Yes.

[LS]

Thank you both for your kind thoughts.

Casehardened, I'll try to follow your idea along the good things route, oddly enough it's something I never thought to try, yet it's so obvious.

Saffron, In my opinion those like yourself who stick around really deserve my admiration. My partner was offski so fast when this came up, I've never seen anyone move so quick without a form of transport.

I, too, found the unemployable bit. From the company who knew me for 3 solid years when I got them out of the sh1t so many times. The last day I worked for them I started at 730 finished at 1630, then covered for someone else for them, getting home at 0145. An 18hr day. I've also realised I couldn't work for a company again; they just take, take, take. No idea what to do.

I've had counselling, but I think I'm a long way from solace, peace even further, but I appreciate your words.
ls

[LS]

Sorry, I forgot to add that that company then sent a letter to the SS stating they wouldn't employ me again (in any capacity) unless or until I was found not guilty. So much for Innocent until etc.. Well, I wonder who's getting them out of the s**t now??

[Saffron]

the job situation is diabolical. We struggled for years both financially and emotionally until R finally found a good job. His PO was worse than useless - never gave him any help or advice on how to get a job, beyond telling him that he didn;t have to "disclose" unless he was asked. She also told him that she was "disappointed" that he had found temporary work loading sofas onto lorries in a warehouse. Apparently he should have been aiming to get a management role, like his last job! Everything he applied for required him to disclose the conviction, and interviewers would recoil from him as though he was infected.

Very luckily he was offered a job by a family friend who knew and understood the situation. this then led to a different role, and he is now lucky enough to have his "dream job". I wish for something similar for you.

[LS]

Thanks Saffron, very kind words which mean a lot. My PO was less than useless, told me I could go for jobs I knew I couldn't (bus driver/postman) and gave me wrong information to the point I didn't kno what was good or bad advice. In the end all I could do was to do nothing until the end of the 2yrs probation, and 6 months later I'm still doing it. It's the disclosing which scares the hell out of me. Nothing to stop your interviewer telling his wife, who tells coffee morning, and suddenly you've been outed. That multiplies hugely every one interview you have and you can't prove which one split, let alone take action. So for me it's self-employed is best, but it's knowing what to do. An enjoyable hobby seems harder to turn into a job than something arduous is.

Your hubby is lucky to have a dream job work out as it has, my dream job would be chocolate taster, but i wouldn't be that lucky!

[Saffron]

I really do sympathise. Have you thought about doing a course in a trade like carpentry/plumbing etc? then you could work self employed. We looked at that for R, but he is hopeless at DIY.
Or perhaps something vocational, like taking a catering course and then setting up a business. I appreciate it might sounds easy for me to say these things now that me and R are finally through to the other side, but I just thought I would suggest it.

Something internet based would be a good idea, and then you need not have contact with anyone if you didn't want to. You seem to be articulate and intelligent - maybe you could write articles for Inside Times?

[LS]

Thanks Saffron, yes I did initially consider something like tradesperson but then I have to consider if I ended up doing work in a house where a minor lives etc then it gives the gutter press a reason to have you in their rag. Altho I wouldn't be breaking any laws, one has to be sensible.

The internet does seem to be the main fallback but unsure about Inside Time; I've had a number of conversations with John Bower over the months, but i'm not sure I could be unbiased enough. I did initially think of running an ebay store, but have u seen how ebay's shrunk lately? Not as busy as it used to be...

For now I'm gearing towards the leisure aviation industry, but this economic climate couldn't be worse for starting up. I appreciate the suggestions tho, however trivial you think they may be it's easy to come up with one that I hadn't thought about.
Thank u
LS

[LS]

...but I'm grateful for being welcomed here even tho I feel I don't fit the exact criteria of most of being involved with the R word, when the closest I've come to it was of it being discussed in chambers as being possibly tried for. Thankfully they chose not to, as they were talking of 9 years.

I just hope I can give helpful input where I can, and that my bad days and frustration don't come across too much in my posts. The people and this site may be able to help me to sort my own emotions out where counselling and an uncaring system have failed.
LS

[macdougal]

Hey LS and Saffron
As you were talking about employment I thought I'd comment myself.
My employment in the past has been with vulnerable adults so my allegation is going to haunt me for life.
My investigation is still taking place and I have to answer bail on the 8th feb.
I'm fairly confident that nothing will come of the allegation, however, its unlikely to be removed from a crb records without a fight.
And thats what I intend to do, fight.
There is no way on this earth that im going to sit back and not get a job in the field that i really enjoy and that i am very good at.
Similar to your other half Saffron i hope to have people who will give me my opportunity, these being in my case former employers.
Those that already know me and know damn well I've done nothing wrong.
If/when I becomed employed by one of them, I'll be on a mission to try and have my allegation removed from the crb records and at the same time fight for any of the other men and women seen as collateral damage in thiis country.
Not sure about anyone else who has been falsely accused, but 4 weeks on and im moving away from worry (although there are moments where i break) but im now extremely angry that this has happened and its this anger spurring me on to clear my name. I will not let the lies of selfish individual determine the outcome of mine and my daughters life without me putting up a fight

[LS]

Hi macdougal and welcome,
Saffron's probably in a better position than me to comment but yes, the worry is what I went thru right up until I saw what I thought was a decent barrister. The anger is what sets in from the get go, but comes to the fore once the trial is over or, in most cases here, when the charges are dropped.

I think the important thing in situations and points such as you are at/in, is to firstly remain hopeful while also keeping in mind What if it goes wrong. The second is to get as much evidence as you can. I lost dozens of opportunites, by not thinking ahead. Lots to be said for carrying recording device such as mobile phone etc and record EVERYTHING if u can - solicitors, police, you never know it may be useful later.

The third thing is to keep physically well and eat regularly, even if you're not hungry. I didn't and probably wasn't up to my best at the time I needed to be.
Re employment, your situation may be different to mine, but I got the whole library thrown at me, so POCA/POVA lists may not apply to you.
Whatever does or doesn't apply, I wish u all the luck possible and I hope you've got a good woman/family standing by you.
LS

[BROKEN]

Falsely Accused of Child Abuse!!!

I've never posted before but i need some help and advice from anyone with any sort of knowledge on this...

Myself and my partners lives have been turned completely upside down when my partner was recently accused of sexually abusing a 14yr old girl. My partner was like a role model for this girl who was very troubled concerning her sexuality. My partner is a lesbian and so this girl confided in her how scared she was of her father who is extremely homophobic since her mum left him for another woman. My partner listened to this girl and advised her the best she could because thats her nature to help people, and especially kids who she devoted her life to helping after abuse and those who were challenged. Its just not in her nature to have done anything like this.

She is now extremely depressed and im scared that shes gonna give up the fight for this just because she is not strong enough to cope right now. She has been prescribed anti depressants and sleeping pills however these havent started working yet and so the depression continues. Im at my wits end as i dont know how i can support her when she keeps pushing me away, its breaking my heart not being able to do anything to help or make it better. I love her dearly and will fight this until the truth comes out and the girl admits her lies. I've never had to experience hell like this before so i myself dont know how to deal with it let alone support my partner whose life could be detroyed because of an attention seeking girl.

I dont know exactly wot i was hoping to read on here although it is helping being able to let off some steam and vent my frustration over this. Now i understand that child abuse claims need to be investigated properly but the 'accused' need to be given a fair hearing rather than being grilled for hours on end to confess to something that they never done, this is all wrong. Guess innocent until proven guilty died out years ago, wheres the justice!!

If anyone has any advice or help then please do post it as any advice would be very appreciated at this awful traumatising time.

Kind Regards

Broken

[LS]

Hi Broken, welcome to the site

I'm probably not the best one to advise you how to support your partner, as there are notable people here who have been in your own situation, however I've been in your partner's situation so I can understand how she's feeling.

Antidepressants in particular take about 6-8 weeks to build up in the system and have any effect, so if she's only just started taken them it'll be a while before they make any difference to her, and that's at the minimum.

Regarding the legal side, if you or anyone close has contact with the girl concerned, you should try to gather evidence which may help your partner, especially in the light of recorded conversations etc, and also if she discloses to someone that she has lied and why, then that person is vital link in the defence chain.

You will almost certainly get a visit from the police, and I would always advise that you seek a solicitor who specialises in this kind of matter before plod calls and you end up with a 2nd rate duty one.
The police generally don't grill people these days for hours on end, but they do seem to have a habit of ignoring anything you say or produce which proves your innocence. Never ever give them any physical proof as described, as it'll often be the last you see of it.

If she has had any msn conversations with your partner on your computer, showing a good relatiionship which makes any abuse unlikely, then you need to ake a copy of these urgently, as the pc and mobile are usually seized by the police fairly early on. I lost a good deal of evidence which could have cleared me, by not acting quickly enough. If you can, just take it to a computer shop (ideally a private one, not pcworld) and get them to make a copy of your hard drive.
By the way, Microsoft do not keep copies of emails and messages in the UK. This I found out the hard way.

I won't lie to you and say that if you're innocent you'll be cleared at court, but it's better to keep if mind the What ifs just in case. It will more than likely be many months before a court hearing, so you should have plenty of time to gather evidence.

Lastly, as I've said before, the police do apparently visit the site to try to gain an insight into what people are planning, so whilst people here can advise you to do, please think carefully about what you post in reply.

Your partner is very lucky to have you as support, this is very often the most beneficial part to anyone in this situation.
Keep strong, and I'm sure others will post here who are in a better position to help advise you how to support your partner.
regards
LS

[BROKEN]

Thanks for your reply LifeSucks, it is appreciated.

No one close to me or my partner has contact with the girl and i cant think of no way of getting any so chances of gathering evidence that she is lying doesnt look likely right now.

My partner was under caution when they told her what she was being accused of. I know you said that the police dont normally grill people for hours however this was not the case with my partner. They twisted and turned everything to try and get a confession which of course she didnt give as she has done nothing wrong but try and help a vulnerable girl.

I am trying to keep an open mind on what might or might not happen but the not knowing is awful. She has a 2month wait to hear if this has been dropped by CPS and is going to court, this scares the hell out of her, which is understandable.

Thank you for your comment about myself supporting her, i dont however feel that i am helping her much at all, i feel completely useless. I tell her everyday that im here for her and that everything will be ok but i dont know that do i, but i do know and promise her that i wont rest until this has all been sorted out and that shes ok.

Thank you for your words

BROKEN