My world is shattered

[cantfunction]

Hello,

This is my first post here and I'm scared just to write on here. I have been accused of sexual assault on a minor and I just can't function. I'm at the stage where my solicitor is going to make an appeal to the magistrates to overturn the decision made telling me to move out of my home as my daughter is a potential witness to the assault.

Before all of the above I was released on unconditional bail but with a verbal from the police saying not to have any direct or in-direct contact with the accuser. When we got to the magistrates the judge was concerned no bail conditions had been set by the police and this was not recorded on paper. In the end the CPS asked the judge to set bail for me too move out of my home within 24hrs as my daughter is a potential witness and I'm to have no contact with her.

Only yesterday the police and social paid a visit to my wife and told her that their is no sufficient evidence for my daughter to become a witness and it's unlikely she will be called as a witness. Totally confused.

To make matters worse my wife found a video yesterday of my daughter and this girl on my daughters mobile phone. I'm sick to the stomach where i get accused of some think I have not done and on this video behind my daughters back while she was on the PC this girl was simulating sexual actions over her clothes playing with her boobs and masturbating while recording herself. This video was created approximately 3 weeks after she said the allegation took place. since that allegation she has had 2 more sleep overs and visited my daughter frequently during the day.

I feel so helpless and my life is shattered. Any little thing that don't go my way and I feel the walls are closing in. I'm sorry to rumble on.

Scared

[Stellifier]

Hi

Sorry but I'm not in a position to give you any real legal advice however there are some great experts on here who are able to.

What struck me reading your message is that I think you need to be very clear (at least with yourself and solicitor) on the context of the allegation. I would try to write it down as consicsely as possible (not suggesting on this forum if you don't feel comfortable). The mind can play tricks on you when your emotions are shot to pieces and everything seems to be carrying on around you outside of your control. My advice would be to try and create a timeline of the incident. For example, it's not clear from your post whether you were together at the time of the alleged incident or if you can prove you were elsewhere at the time. Was anyone else there? What happened after? What happened before? Why do you think she make the allegation? Writing this all down honestly and frankly might help you take some control of your emotions by being clearer on what did and what didn't happen.

What does seem odd to me is that if this girl was assualted, then she does not seem too bothered about it given the video you mentioned and the fact that she feels comfortable frequenting your home.

All the best - hopefully some of the experienced posters will give you better advice than I have, but for now just wanted to let you know someone out there can empathise with your situation.

[cantfunction]

My world Is shattered

Hello Stellifier,Yes I understand what you mean. Just talking about it on here releases a little bit of the pressure I'm feeling but I have not explained myself very well.

I didn't know if I should tell the whole story or not thinking people may not read it if it was too long as I crave for some advice.

[Stellifier]

Sorry - just edited my reply a bit after I re-read it!

Well do whatever you feel comfortable with - for now perhaps wait until you get some more responses? Others may ask you more direct questions which may be easier for you to respond to. There's no doubt a huge amount to get your head around (not sure how long it's been going on or what stage things are at) but try to keep calm and have faith in yourself - I know it's easier said than done, but you have to stay strong for as long as possible.

As I said through try to write down as much as you remember about the incident now. It may take a long time to resolve and as things go on you'll remember less and less. Also, things you may have forgotten now may come back so you can then add them to your own record of the event rather than have it all rumbling around in your head.

[cantfunction]

I was accused and charged of sexual abuse without violence and over the clothes. The police said the allegation had taken place between September and October 09. I'm still waiting for my solicitor to provide me with the evidence given against me. This is my nightmare.

During the summer holidays my daughter had befriended a young girl the same age as her. It was not long before I complained to my wife about this girl as being a bad influence on my daughter. My wife shrugged this off basically. As time went by my daughter was becoming another child and not doing as we wanted and it got to the stage where her friend came first and we came second.

Both are aged 12 and my Daughter was now re-belling on every situation. I tried so many different tactics i.e talk to her as an adult, tried to reach a compromise and this had some effect. Then we got to the sleep overs. This girl has stayed at our house on 3 occasions. Me & my wife have nailed 2 of these dates and the last we don't know what date this was other than the fact it was not long after we got a kitten.

During this period my wife complained to me on the first sleep over about this girl being very strange and weird.This is when in the morning my wife went up to our bedroom where the girls slept and asked if she wanted breakfast and she just starred at my wife and didn't reply. All of the sudden my wife was now taking on board what I had first said to her.But to keep the peace we allowed our daughter to keep seeing her. Then the boys were on the scene one being this girls brother who my daughter was quite smitten with. As time went by my daughter was asking more and more to stay at there house and we allowed this to happen having been told that the brother was not there and at his mums.

I started to get concerned when one night she asked again and I said no as it was late. My daughter went into an histercial fit of rage and after all the arguments and as much as i love my wife she undermined me and let her sleep over. Then one day I looked out of my bedroom window to find the brother and another boy fighting over a pair of large scissors with my daughter standing right next to them. I saw red and was so concerned that they would fall and seriously hurt themselves i read them the riot act. I told the boys to put the scissors in the bin but i couldn't quite see them do it although I new they hadn't.I said to my daughter they best have gone in the bin and you lot better not be lying only for my daughter to scream at me they have.

To my horror within minutes the boys are at it again fighting over the scissors with my daughter laughing. enough was enough I pulled my daughter in and told her she is banned from playing and seeing them including the girl ever again as you can't be trusted. Fireworks everywhere from her.She then went outside and told her friends what I had said. Then it was not long after that I was arrested for assault within days.

My wife had told me that the girl had told my daughter not long after I had banned them for seeing each other that I had touched her up.The accusation made all started when my wife got a call from the girls father about my daughters behaviour. I thought it was to do with my daughter and his son and some think had happened between them. I was quite angry at the time thinking you summons my wife who is only a size 8 and not me knowing that i may go for his son if he had touched my daughter. As it turned out I was right as my daughter later down the line admitted to her mum that they snogged and he groped her boobs.

My wife came back and told me of the allegation and that was it I felt i had been steam rolled. And to make matters worse my daughter has made the same allegation against me. I can't describe the feeling or what I went through for those first few seconds.

Part of the allegation was that I showed them a porn film on the first occasion this girl slept over.My wife was at a party and I know this may sound like the usual excuse but porn did come up on the PC when I was working on it, i.e porn pictures,porn video,casino's, dating etc. The girls had seen this and were laughing and joking but i had a series of tabs that i was trying to close while screaming at them to get out of the room to which they did not. I turned the monitor off only to get into an argument with my daughter for not doing as her told. They left the room only to come back in while I was still trying to close the system.I had a go at them again to get out and they both stormed upstairs. in the end i turned the PC off by the wall and went upstairs only to get the cold shoulder by my daughter.

During the summer we had viruses on the PC. I suppose to my slight advantage my wife was aware of this as she was nagging me to do some think about it. Not having the money to buy the big antivirus programmes and with the free one's not doing the trick I decided to re-install the operating system. Hey presto it worked. The police are still holding the PC as evidence I suppose and I'm not technical enough to prove anythink.

The one thing that is confusing is when my wife went round and asked what had happened and the girl had said it had happened the morning after my wife had been to the party. This is when my wife had gone up and asked if she wanted breakfast and my wife got no reply from her and my wife told her this and she said nothing. The next day the girl came round with her dad to announce they were going to the police. My wife had asked her again what had happened and when, and according to my wife she started laughing. My wife was furious and told her off and said to her dad are you not going to say any think to her and he replied "stop it"

Now we are at the stage of my first thread I was released on unconditional bail but with a verbal from the police saying not to have any direct or in-direct contact with the accuser. When we got to the magistrates the judge was concerned no bail conditions had been set by the police and this was not recorded on paper. In the end the CPS asked the judge to set bail for me too move out of my home within 24hrs as my daughter is a potential witness and I'm to have no contact with her. I forgot to say in my first thread that the CPS summarised the case and said it happened later that evening after the porn when My wife was told by the girl and her dad it happened in the morning after the porn had been shown the night before.

The police have not brought any charges against me for my daughter as they said there seems to be motive.

Only yesterday the police and social paid a visit to my wife and told her that their is no sufficient evidence for my daughter to become a witness and it's unlikely she will be called as a witness. Totally confused as the CPS are saying she is a potential witness hence they want me out of my home because of witness interference.

To make matters worse my wife found a video yesterday of my daughter and this girl on my daughters mobile phone. I'm sick to the stomach where i get accused of some think I have not done and on this video behind my daughters back while she was on the PC this girl was simulating sexual actions over her clothes playing with her boobs and masturbating while recording herself. This video was created approximately 3 weeks after she said the allegation took place. since that allegation she has had 2 more sleep overs and visited my daughter frequently during the day.

I'm sorry for going on have to sleep now

[viva]

I can partly understand what you are going through as i am going through something similar. My sister-in-law who is 13 has just accused me of rape and my world has been turned upside down. you can read my torment on my thread (viva- falsley accused) i am currently on bail until the 16th of january with conditions like yours, i can see my 2 children but only when supervised and cannot stay with them over night so i have had to move far away as i have no other family.
you can chat to me on hear and i will reply.

[Rights Fighter]

cantfunction, your story seems to be very confusing in that you have the girls sleeping over when your wife is not there,

on another sleepover the girls are sleeping in your bed (wife went up to ask what they wanted for breakfast)

and the other girl, behind your daughter's back made a film on her mobile, but your daughter is in the film.


I can't understand why the police tell you that they have dropped the allegation made by your daughter (motive they seem to have told you). The police do not drop allegations just because there is a motive. The same could be said for her mate - she has a motive to stick up for her mate (your daughter).

If the girl has had two sleepovers after the alleged offence then obviously that is rather odd - why would she do that?

Should this go any further you will need to find a solicitor who specialises in defending false allegations of sexual abuse.

[friday]

^i may be wrong but i read the fact they were sleeping in his bed as they were sleeping in his bed and he was sleeping elsewhere. my mum does this all the time when my younger siblings have friends sleepover since they only have single beds so sleeping in my mums double makes more sense as it means they can stay in the same room.

[cantfunction]

My world Is shattered

Hello Rights finder,

I'm sorry if it's not clear. On the first sleepover my wife was at a party but came back home that night just after midnight. My wife and I slept downstairs while the girls slept upstairs in our bed.

When my wife asked this girl and her dad when this was supposed to have happened, she said the morning after the party and that was the morning my wife went upstairs to see if she wanted breakfast. When they came to the house for the second time my wife asked the question again and the girl replied in the morning after the party.

But at my first hearing at court the CPS said it happened that evening. So this girl has changed her story. When the allegation was made there was no dates put to me by the police when I was first interviewed and that is still the case. During the interview the officer said to me quote "well there seems to be motive for your daughter, and I have not been charged for anything regarding my daughter, but he did ask what about the other girl do you have any ideas".

As the days go by more and more comes to the surface which just doe's not add up. after the allegation she has slept over on 2 other occasion's. On one of these we took the girls to the fire station open day and has been in the house playing with my daughter many times.

After studying the mobile footage it jogged my memory. She was filming me and my daughter when we had a friend over and as I turned to her she was sticking her middle finger up at me. It clearly shows me telling her off as I told her that if my daughter copies you and her mum finds out she will be in serious trouble and to delete it. Thankfully she did not delete it and my wife found this on our daughters mobile which also shows this girl playing with her boobs and masturbating over her clothes with my daughters back to her while my daughter was on the pc.

The Latest Update is: The police & social have told my wife that there is no sufficient evidence for your daughter to become a witness for the other girl and it's unlikely she will be summons to court. The reason I'm not at home is because the CPS said my daughter is a potential witness and that I'm not to have any contact with her. My wife then said to the police and social worker that we are making an appeal against the bail conditions for my husband to come back home as we want him here with us.

The social worker then said if he wins his appeal then we would put your daughter on the child protection register. So we have decided to opt for myself to not move back home and ask the judge if I can see my daughter but supervised at all times by my wife on the advice of my solicitor.

Just the chance to hold my wife and daughter in my arms. What makes it worse my wife's nan died and the funeral is next week and she needs my support.

[cantfunction]

Hello viva,

I have my appeal at court tomorrow to see if I can have my bail conditions changed and to have supervised contact with my wife present at all times.

I can partly understand what you are going through as i am going through something similar. My sister-in-law who is 13 has just accused me of rape and my world has been turned upside down. you can read my torment on my thread (viva- falsley accused) i am currently on bail until the 16th of january with conditions like yours, i can see my 2 children but only when supervised and cannot stay with them over night so i have had to move far away as i have no other family.
you can chat to me on hear and i will reply.

[Rights Fighter]

As your daughter has made allegations against you already then I can't see that it would be safe for you to return anyway as she would easily do it again..

Can you not go to the funeral anyway? Or do bail conditions prevent this?

[cantfunction]

My world Is shattered

My daughter is now going to school so I will be able to go to funeral. My daughter is now very upset because during my appeal that was rejected and that the CPS has said my daughter was a witness to what happened to the other girl is untrue. The police hold note book entries from my daughter and she has told her mum that she has never seen me do anything to the other girl.

They have also said that my wife told our daughter that if you give evidence the social can take you away. Again my wife has denied this and said it's all lies and that she only enquired what would happen if I won the appeal and I was allowed to go home.

Lots of spin with the police,CPS and social. My brief said that the procescution held a gun the magistrates head saying my daughter is a potential witness when she is not going to be.