There is light at end of tunnel

[missymoo]

Hi I haven't posted on here before but have been reading the posts for advice and support.
To cut a very long story short, my boyfriend was accused of 'attempted rape' of a 15 year old that happened nearly 20 years ago. He was 22 at the time and engaged but a relationship with his fiance's friend who was 15/16 at the time. The relationship lasted a matter of weeks and involved a lot of meeting up and heavy petting in his car. He said they never actually had sex but 1 night after he picked her up from a pub where she was drunk she came on to him to which he responded but then realised it was wrong because he was with someone else and stopped it. They stopped the relationship after that. Now almost 20 years later she came out of the blue and accused him of 'attempted rape'.
It has been months of sheer hell for all involved. He was arrested and bailed. Was told by s services that he couldn't see his children (he has 3 boys from his previous marriage). He wasn't allowed to work, has lost 2 stone in weight.
He was bailed until the 17th December but got a phone call from the police yesterday to say that no further action will be taken as there is no evidence and that she appeared to be a very worthy participant in the whole affair.
It is over at last but my boyfriend is still so very depressed and feels like he has this constant label over him because she and her family obviously think he is guilty. So now he has to try and move on with this hanging over him now How women like this can live with themselves I do not know.
Good luck to everyone else going through hell at the moment,
Missy

[RFLH]

Hi Missymoo, thank you for writing your positive post.

I'm sure that it will take longer than a few months for your boyfriend to feel at ease with anyone or anything.

It's a huge and horrible crime to be accused of.

I'd like to hear that the woman involved will be taken to court for wasting police time, but I don't think I will.

[Saffron]

Hi Missymoo and welcome

Your other half could be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is possible.

It sounds to me as though this girl has jumped on the bandwagon of Victimhood, and has reclassified what happened between her and your husband as a sexual assault, probably due to the age gap of 6 or 7 years.
(when I was 13, a young man of 18 forced me to kiss him at a party. It wasn't a pleasant experience, but I don't count myself as a victim of sexual assault!)

Incredibly, there are some attention-seeking women who think that being a Rape Victim is glamourous. For some people there is a very powerful status to be gained as a "victim". People will think that she is incredibly courageous to have suffered such an ordeal. The reality of course, is that genuine Survivors would do anything to turn back the clock and not be a victim.

It will be a while before your partner can put it behind him. People think that the ordeal ends with the NFA/Not Guilty, but that is very far from the truth. Getting back to "normal" can be very difficult....what is "normal" after all?

It is good that your boyfriend has you to help him through it. Make sure you take care of yourself as well though!

Saffron

[missymoo]

Thanks for your support this is a great site.
To cut a very long story short she was still a very close friend of his ex wifes who was his fiancee at the time of their short affair. His ex was obviously gutted and angry when she found out that he had cheated on her before they had even got married but never once has she doubted him.She is furious with her so called friend for bringing this up years later and the effect it has had on their children. They couldn't see their father for almost 6 weeks and it has greatly affected them all as they are very close.
His ex can't understand why this so called friend has brought it up now and if he was such a danger why did she allow her to have 3 children by him, still be her friend and be involved in their upbringing.
The accuser has a lot of problems of her own, says she was abused as a child by her father who she doesn't see and has accused a work colleague and another man of stalking and harrassing her but nothing ever came of it.
During the police investigation of my bf she was constantly ringing the police asking them why they were taking so long and is apparently furious that the case isn't going any further. He is scared of what she may do next. The police officer in charge of the case seemed very supportive and told her to leave him alone.
My bf is just too traumatised to even consider suing her. He isn't back at work yet and will need a return to work interview with HR before he is even allowed to work. He says it is just so awful as he feels they may doubt him too,no smoke without fire etc...
We all just taking 1 day at a time but nothing he ever goes through in his entire life can be as bad as the past 3 months,
Missy x