Very scared

[LPG]

I should have known better - I cheated on my wife in a drunken stupid moment after I met a girl whilst walking home from a night out. Got talking and shared a cab home. Decided to drop off at the pub near where I live and had a few glasses of wine. It was good fun, we were both drunk and we had a nice time flirting. Things turned more serious when she asked me to kiss her (I stupidly didn't move away) and before we new it we were grabbing at each other very passionately & sexually. We left the pub and had sex outside. It ended as quickly as it started, I gave her my name and number and put her in a cab home.

3 weeks later the police came to my workplace and I was interviewed, I didn't have a lawyer.

Came out feeling very sick and very scared. As I told my story to the DC and he played it back it made me, I sound as guilty as sin. She claims I got her drunk and she didn't concent, I claim she did. Barmaid saw us having a nice time in the pub but apart from that I have no other defence.

Got a lawyer from a London firm, not sure if I should give their name here? I've spoken to them by phone and they have advisd me that they will speak to the DC handling the case and come with me to the station to where I have been bailed in 6 weeks. The CPS will decide whether there is a case and if so, I wait for a court hearing.

Have I done enough, reading the forum was both comforting and worrying?

I don't have anywhere to turn. I've spoken to a few friends but quickly realised that I have compromised them, being friends of both my wife and I.
I've not spoken to my wife about it and every time I look at the kids I almost burst into tears.

I've made a stupid and terrible mistake but I'm not a rapist. I can hardly bare to look at the word.

Where to turn ...

[RFLH]

Hi LPG, you're not the first to have been caught this way and I doubt you'll be the last. Have you asked the pub if they had CCTV inside or outside that could have helped?

Make sure you have your legal rep with you everytime you're questioned or if the worst comes to the worst when you answer bail if you're formally charged.

You'll get some wise advice given to you here, please take it.

[Rights Fighter]

You say that you have not spoken to your wife about this. Does she not know that you are accused of rape?

Extract: As I told my story to the DC and he played it back it made me, I sound as guilty as sin.

Are you saying that the DC played back your interview tape to you, during the interview?

Also, was there just the one police officer interviewing you?

Why did you not have a lawyer?

Apologies for the questions but I cannot assist if I do not know the answers.

[LPG]

No, my wife doesn't know - there's a deeper story but I can't tell it in public.

No the DC didn't play back the tape, but as we went through each of three tape changes he did a summary of our discussion as we started the next session.

Only one police officer present. He was very friendly, quite a lot of discussion between tape changes. Told me I had a 50:50 chance of it going to court. Stayed impartial but I thought a decent man. I've read through a lot of the threads on this site and I know I have to be careful but I can't help my instinct of believing in the system and justice. Nieve - probably?

No lawyer. Stupid, believed that telling my honest side of the story would simply clear things up. Thought that having a lawyer was some sought of admission of guilt.

I traced my steps tonight. Timed the journey, looked for CCTV camera's before and after I met the girl. None at the pub but a few nearby but they were a long way away. I'm not sure they could help but I hope. The girl was very promiscuous particularly in the pub. I remember people looking at us including the bar-maid. I was really trying to pull back but she wasn't. I'm hoping some of that could have been witnessed. Not sure if it would help.

I'm trying to stay mentally strong but it's very difficult. I want to do more - I've thought of visiting the pub and speaking to the barmaid. Could I, should I? There was a couple sitting opposite, discussed at our lustful antics in the pub. Very embarrassing - should I try a find them, would it help?

I'm trying to stay mentally strong and positive but I'm shocked at how indefensible my position is and my vulnerability. I can't work out why the girl reported this. It must have been traumatic for her to do so, there seems to be no gain. She really must feel that a terrible injustice has been committed but surely she would have some memory of the things she said to me, the advances she made etc etc. I don't understand.

That's it for now - hope I've answered your questions.

[RFLH]

LPG - should this go to court and you're found guilty, then she would get compensation, quite a few thousand pounds. But if it goes to court and you're found not guilty, then she may get imprisonment instead if she went to trial for perjury.

I think you should tell your wife, she's going to find out one way or another and it'll be better coming from you. It won't be easy or pleasant but if the police get in contact with you again and talk to her .....

Others will be along soon to give you more advice, take note of what they say, they do know their stuff.

[Rights Fighter]

LPG - should this go to court and you're found guilty, then she would get compensation, quite a few thousand pounds. But if it goes to court and you're found not guilty, then she may get imprisonment instead if she went to trial for perjury.

I think you should tell your wife, she's going to find out one way or another and it'll be better coming from you. It won't be easy or pleasant but if the police get in contact with you again and talk to her .....

Others will be along soon to give you more advice, take note of what they say, they do know their stuff.

Good advice RFLH.

It seems you really do need privacy - I will PM you.

[Pinara]

Hi there, my husband was in the same position as you and made a silly mistake. He did tell me everything, yes of course it made me sick but we did talk, cry, scream etc. I have stuck by him and have been supportive. You will not be able to go through this alone. Please tell your wife. Believe it or not, it has made our relationship 100 times stronger.

Unfortunately things didn't turn out well for my husband and he is now serving time.

The system is all wrong and any woman can call rape.

Good luck and this site is very helpful.

[RFLH]

good post pinara.

[Saffron]

I agree with Pinara. I was in the same situation as she is, and I can honestly say that it has made my husband and I stronger than ever. Yes it was a shock and a nasty ordeal, but we emerged from it stronger and wiser.
Good luck.

[losingthewill]

LPG, 3 weeks to report why the delay? that will surley go against her. In my case I was told I had nothing to worry about by the duty solicitor. How wrong was he. I was charged 6 months later. My accuser was drunk just like yours. Still awating my trial. With all the police bungles and cases of rape under intense media scrutiny I think the CPS are just pushing through more and more weak cases. Don't be suprised if you are charged.

I know you may feel like the DC was genuine guy (I was the same), but trust me these people and the CPS are in it together and all they care about is convictions not you or even the alledged victim. Its all about targets.

At some point you will have to tell your wife like I did. I think you will be suprised at her reaction, she will know you are not capable of such an evil crime. I still feel like you do when I look at my kids. Its heartbreaking when you think of what could happen and they could lose the father they love over a pack of lies. You will need your wife and your families support otherwise you will go crazy. You will need to talk about it. Please visit your GP.

Take care.

[LPG]

Thx for all your notes. It's a bit easier than week one when I was in a terrible mess. I suppose I'm still hoping that the CPS won't take this forward but I guess I need to be realistic especially after reading the last thread.

How does the CPS come to its decision, what do they look for? Is there anything I can do that might influence the outcome or can I only sit back and wait?

[RFLH]

I think we'd all like to know how the CPS reach a decision. It seems that there is no consistency to them at all.

[Rights Fighter]

The Crown are not interested in guilt or innocence - only the probability of getting a conviction.

[Ann]

I know you may feel like the DC was genuine guy (I was the same), but trust me these people and the CPS are in it together and all they care about is convictions not you or even the alledged victim. Its all about targets.

this is so true!

[Saffron]

Unfortunately the CPS are not interested in Guilt, Innocence, or the Victim. All they care about is the likelihood of a conviction. And with the issue of Rape being such a political hot potato, they are more and more inclined to prefer charges.
Whether a jury believe you or the accuser is a bit of a lottery. Plenty of innocent people get a Guilty verdict, and plenty of Genuine rapists walk free. This board is the perfect illustration of that!