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Hi everyone,
I wanted to post to hopefully give some hope to anyone out there facing false accusations of rape. I recently went through this myself and understand how traumatizing and awful the whole experience is. I wish I had found this forum 3 months ago when my situation happened because I felt so alone and miserable the entire time. This may be a long story, but it will help me to feel better to write it down if nothing else. This is what happened to me:
About 3 months ago I had sex with a co worker at work. The entire event was completely consensual. We started making out at one corner of the store and walked about 300 feet to the other side of the store where we had sex in the training room. I continued to talk to the girl weeks after we had sex. She would called me several times wanting to hang out and asking what I was up to and we exchanged text messages often.
Suddenly about 3 weeks after we had sex I get a phone call from a private number. It was the girl and she was asking me a bunch of weird questions. Saying she was upset with me and asking me what I thought I did wrong. My head was spinning at this point because She and I were friends and I thought I had unknowingly done something to make her mad at me. I didn't realize at the time that she was at the police station calling me to get a recording of the call.
I went about my day confused the entire time, I felt awful because my friend was mad at me and I didn't know why. I went to lunch and came back to work, about an hour later a co-worker called me telling me there is pizza at the front of the store and I should come get some. I was busy in the back and didn't go up to the front after several of his calls. I leave the office I was working in and he (my co -worker) was standing with my boss, several associates and a man I didn't know. He told me that he had a warrant for my arrest and they escorted me out of the store.
Now my head was really spinning, but it had clicked for me what was going on. I remembered the weird phone call from earlier in the day and knew that the girl had accused me of rape. It was odd how calm and serene I felt at that time. I was more concerned that my weekend off was ruined and I wouldn't be able to meet the guys at the bar that night than what was happened to me. I had no idea of the horrifying situation I was in.
I have to mention the respect I have for the detective who came to arrest me. Several people have mentioned that he was just trying to get me to say something incriminating but I firmly believe he was an honest and respectable man. He took great care to escort me out of the store without anyone knowing that I was being arrested (it didn't work, in a store of over 200 people the rumors started immediately). His partner left the two of us alone at one point to get there car and he told me that if he was in my shoes that he would not talk to him. I was so confused at this point I just looked at him and said "ok". When we arrived at the police station the two of us were outside the station and he looked at me again and said "I don't usually do this but if I was in your shoes I wouldn't say anything...Don't tell them ****." He then pulled out a piece of paper and pointed to the charges, rape by force or fear, I immediately looked away in disgust even though my suspicions were correct. Nothing can prepare you for seeing that written down on paper with your name next to it. Thank god that the detective had told me that. Since that night I have done a lot of research and have found out that it doesn't matter what you say to the police, if your innocent or guilty, the DA can flip anything around to make you sound guilty.
I spent the night in jail, wanting to curl up into a ball and cry. I had never been in trouble in my life (I'm 27) and couldn't believe that I was in a jail cell. I had always considered myself a responsible citizen and couldn't believe that It was me spending a night in jail. The police inside the jail were rude and demanding. They would look at the accusation on the form and then look at me, I could see the disgust in their eyes. It was at this time I started to realize that I was going to have to prove I was innocent. I was lucky that my father was able to bail me out of jail. I was so embarrassed and felt so bad for him and my mother who were more scared of what was going to happen to me than even myself.
I immediately started calling friends to let them know I was OK and what had happened to me. Most of my friends are people I work with so i knew most of them would know something of the situation so I was ready for the questions. What I wasn't ready for was the suspicion and treatment they would show me. People who I thought were friends suddenly did not want to talk to me. They would go to HR and complain that I was trying to contact them and it made them uncomfortable. Suddenly I was a Pariah at work, I was put on unpaid leave and told not to go to the store. While she went back to work the next day able to tell her side of the story.
I was left with very few friends at this point. In a way its one of the silver linings of the entire situation. I found out very quickly who in my lift are my true friends and I can count on. I contacted a criminal defense lawyer and hired him 2 days after I got out of jail. I provided him the cell phone logs of our conversations, told him of my ordeal, and told him of the CCTV footage in the store that I knew would prove my innocence.
I battled HR for about 3 weeks. They did not want to take me off of leave until the case was settled even thought it could be months. Now at this point the DA had not filed charges against me. I was arrested on a Ramey warrant so the DA had not seen my case yet and made the decision if they wanted to file charges or not. My attorneys plan was to inform the DA with all the evidence I had proving my innocence and get them to never file charges.
My arraignment was only days away. Its impossible to mention the depression and fear I was feeling for the first few days and the weeks going forward. All I did was sit around the house and do research online. My arraignment came, the case was continued out a month and I was told to just wait. I ended up quitting my job, they wanted to do their own investigation and I decided to make my life easier to start fresh somewhere else. I was lucky enough to find another great job after 6 weeks, but that could have easily gone the other way and I could have been jobless for months because of this.
After about 3 months of fear, depression, anxiety, several arraignments that were continued out my lawyer called and wanted to meet with me. He didn't say why but my heart was pounding as I drove to his office. My friend who is a lawyer told me that the DA probably wanted to make a deal, that they never drop a case because they are paid on convictions and want to get something on me. I was so scared as I entered his office. I sat down and he said very simply "Well, we convinced the DA not to file charges." He said it so matter of factly that all I could say was "oh ok". It took me a moment to realize what he said and then I started crying, right in his office. I felt a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders.
I know that was long but I feel better having shared my story. I want anyone who is reading this who is going through something similar to know their is hope. If you are innocent then done let the depression and anxiety drive you to doing something stupid. Its hard to admit even here but I did have thoughts of suicide during this ordeal. I thought my life was over. I was embarrassed by what happened, by the rumors flying about me and it was very difficult to keep my head up.
Anyway that's my story, I hope to be an active member of these forums and if anyone needs support please message me!!
Eddie
I wanted to post to hopefully give some hope to anyone out there facing false accusations of rape. I recently went through this myself and understand how traumatizing and awful the whole experience is. I wish I had found this forum 3 months ago when my situation happened because I felt so alone and miserable the entire time. This may be a long story, but it will help me to feel better to write it down if nothing else. This is what happened to me:
About 3 months ago I had sex with a co worker at work. The entire event was completely consensual. We started making out at one corner of the store and walked about 300 feet to the other side of the store where we had sex in the training room. I continued to talk to the girl weeks after we had sex. She would called me several times wanting to hang out and asking what I was up to and we exchanged text messages often.
Suddenly about 3 weeks after we had sex I get a phone call from a private number. It was the girl and she was asking me a bunch of weird questions. Saying she was upset with me and asking me what I thought I did wrong. My head was spinning at this point because She and I were friends and I thought I had unknowingly done something to make her mad at me. I didn't realize at the time that she was at the police station calling me to get a recording of the call.
I went about my day confused the entire time, I felt awful because my friend was mad at me and I didn't know why. I went to lunch and came back to work, about an hour later a co-worker called me telling me there is pizza at the front of the store and I should come get some. I was busy in the back and didn't go up to the front after several of his calls. I leave the office I was working in and he (my co -worker) was standing with my boss, several associates and a man I didn't know. He told me that he had a warrant for my arrest and they escorted me out of the store.
Now my head was really spinning, but it had clicked for me what was going on. I remembered the weird phone call from earlier in the day and knew that the girl had accused me of rape. It was odd how calm and serene I felt at that time. I was more concerned that my weekend off was ruined and I wouldn't be able to meet the guys at the bar that night than what was happened to me. I had no idea of the horrifying situation I was in.
I have to mention the respect I have for the detective who came to arrest me. Several people have mentioned that he was just trying to get me to say something incriminating but I firmly believe he was an honest and respectable man. He took great care to escort me out of the store without anyone knowing that I was being arrested (it didn't work, in a store of over 200 people the rumors started immediately). His partner left the two of us alone at one point to get there car and he told me that if he was in my shoes that he would not talk to him. I was so confused at this point I just looked at him and said "ok". When we arrived at the police station the two of us were outside the station and he looked at me again and said "I don't usually do this but if I was in your shoes I wouldn't say anything...Don't tell them ****." He then pulled out a piece of paper and pointed to the charges, rape by force or fear, I immediately looked away in disgust even though my suspicions were correct. Nothing can prepare you for seeing that written down on paper with your name next to it. Thank god that the detective had told me that. Since that night I have done a lot of research and have found out that it doesn't matter what you say to the police, if your innocent or guilty, the DA can flip anything around to make you sound guilty.
I spent the night in jail, wanting to curl up into a ball and cry. I had never been in trouble in my life (I'm 27) and couldn't believe that I was in a jail cell. I had always considered myself a responsible citizen and couldn't believe that It was me spending a night in jail. The police inside the jail were rude and demanding. They would look at the accusation on the form and then look at me, I could see the disgust in their eyes. It was at this time I started to realize that I was going to have to prove I was innocent. I was lucky that my father was able to bail me out of jail. I was so embarrassed and felt so bad for him and my mother who were more scared of what was going to happen to me than even myself.
I immediately started calling friends to let them know I was OK and what had happened to me. Most of my friends are people I work with so i knew most of them would know something of the situation so I was ready for the questions. What I wasn't ready for was the suspicion and treatment they would show me. People who I thought were friends suddenly did not want to talk to me. They would go to HR and complain that I was trying to contact them and it made them uncomfortable. Suddenly I was a Pariah at work, I was put on unpaid leave and told not to go to the store. While she went back to work the next day able to tell her side of the story.
I was left with very few friends at this point. In a way its one of the silver linings of the entire situation. I found out very quickly who in my lift are my true friends and I can count on. I contacted a criminal defense lawyer and hired him 2 days after I got out of jail. I provided him the cell phone logs of our conversations, told him of my ordeal, and told him of the CCTV footage in the store that I knew would prove my innocence.
I battled HR for about 3 weeks. They did not want to take me off of leave until the case was settled even thought it could be months. Now at this point the DA had not filed charges against me. I was arrested on a Ramey warrant so the DA had not seen my case yet and made the decision if they wanted to file charges or not. My attorneys plan was to inform the DA with all the evidence I had proving my innocence and get them to never file charges.
My arraignment was only days away. Its impossible to mention the depression and fear I was feeling for the first few days and the weeks going forward. All I did was sit around the house and do research online. My arraignment came, the case was continued out a month and I was told to just wait. I ended up quitting my job, they wanted to do their own investigation and I decided to make my life easier to start fresh somewhere else. I was lucky enough to find another great job after 6 weeks, but that could have easily gone the other way and I could have been jobless for months because of this.
After about 3 months of fear, depression, anxiety, several arraignments that were continued out my lawyer called and wanted to meet with me. He didn't say why but my heart was pounding as I drove to his office. My friend who is a lawyer told me that the DA probably wanted to make a deal, that they never drop a case because they are paid on convictions and want to get something on me. I was so scared as I entered his office. I sat down and he said very simply "Well, we convinced the DA not to file charges." He said it so matter of factly that all I could say was "oh ok". It took me a moment to realize what he said and then I started crying, right in his office. I felt a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders.
I know that was long but I feel better having shared my story. I want anyone who is reading this who is going through something similar to know their is hope. If you are innocent then done let the depression and anxiety drive you to doing something stupid. Its hard to admit even here but I did have thoughts of suicide during this ordeal. I thought my life was over. I was embarrassed by what happened, by the rumors flying about me and it was very difficult to keep my head up.
Anyway that's my story, I hope to be an active member of these forums and if anyone needs support please message me!!
Eddie
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