Historic sexual abuse of minor

[Peter1975]

Oh Crumbs FS.

apologies for not seeing your message earlier.

Sadly, I have heard all of this before including the accusations of grooming and it would seem that things have gone too wrong for there to be a better resolution but I'm sure you will agree that your daughter must stay with your partner and so yes, she must accept the findings of the court.

I've known at least a couple of women in denial about their partner's offending and they committed the cardinal sin of claiming infallible knowledge of their partner's innocence rather than taking an open minded approach- this is a huge red flag to SS as it comes across as blind belief and they essentially believe anyone accused is guilty anyway. As awful as it is, there are also women who will turn a blind eye to a partner harming their children and they will lie on their behalf if necessary. SS just won't take any risks if they don't feel the child is prioritised. It doesn't help that the natural reaction to having SW's poke their unwanted noses in is to shut the door or tell them to FO - and words like "evasive" "hostile" or "deceptive" are put in your file.

It's pretty impossible to unwrite those initial ( or subsequent) reports, if your partner all of a sudden changes her stance it will be seen as suspicious and possibly "false compliance" ie: that she is playing along until she thinks SS are not watching so yes, it's better to end your relationship in my opinion because SS will be watching.

Please don't give up. I know it's pretty crappy but you may still have a chance to stay in your daughter's life, even if it is to be supervised. Her 18th birthday may seem like a long way away but it will come. The future is already on its way.

I hope you can make some progress in getting yourself situated. Hang in there.

[Win2Kuser]

Hi,
Just thought I'd give you an update.

So 19 months later, nearly 5 years since this 2nd nightmare began....

I was living in my car for a while, then found a flat and moved in March 2023. I really struggle with my mental health, and so far I'm still on anti-depressants, my mood has improved, although I still get flashbacks and panic attacks, probably some form of PTSD. I'm obviously still very bitter about it all, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

So in court, the LA agreed to pay for an assessment through the Lucy Faithful Foundation. This came back as Moderate to low risk risk for both my partner and myself.
They then agreed to pay for a course through LFF which we completed towards the end of last year (2023). This then came back as low risk for both of us

I had been seeing my daughter in a contact center funded by the LA, which not ideal, did allow me some time weekly to play with and interact with my her, teach her new signs (makaton) etc. Communication to my partner was through a written notepad.

After the results of the LF training, we went back to court.
The LA were so impressed with how the contact sessions had gone and the comments left by the supervising person, how I was teaching signs, the level of interaction I was giving my daughter, my manner, attitudes, knowledge of her medical needs etc. They agreed that it was in the best interests of my daughter to have me at home with her. The court along with the LA agreed to a supervision order lasting no longer than 6 months, during which time contact would immediately change to contact in the community, then monthly from out in the community to home visits to overnight stays to weekend stays, and then we were free to move back in together. The LA has now closed the case, and we're on our own.

So, that pretty much brings everything to a close. I (almost) have my life back, but more importantly my gorgeous partner and daughter of course. We're all going on holiday in July to celebrate, then moving in together shortly after coming back.
We do have a safety plan, but it's not too restrictive; I don't need to be supervised around the home providing my partner is there, and if we're out and about, I can be with my daughter if my partner needs to go off to the toilet etc. As we're closed to the LA though, I'm not sure how they would police that, but after the **** we've been trough, we're not going to chance anything!

I still have no contact with my other children, and due to the rules over public funding, I'm unlikely to be able to take her to court through a solicitor due to costs. My plan is though to put in a contact order, which I can do myself, and hopefully I can get some access in the community etc. One step at a time though.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for your kind comments and help through the years, there were lots of times I didn't know which way to turn, and the information given here has really helped me through the dark times.

Many thanks

[Batmother]

It is uplifting to hear your outcome W2K! . To have this suffocating your life for the last 5 years is beyond comprehension, you are a strong person to come through all this. I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your Family and be a roaring success with anything and everything going forward now, God knows it sounds like you deserve it. I/we are still in the fog of my OH’s accusation, it’s been hanging over us since the Police chapped our door in October 2023 and I know it will be a long difficult road, but we will meet it head on and not back down from the utter BS and out and out lies. If I knew how to post you a bunch of dancing bananas I would. Great news for you indeed!

[Casehardened]

As always it's good to get updates from folks who have been through dark times, especially as you are feeling so much more positive now!

You and your partner have been following the guidelines set out by Social Services and the future now looks bright and this is a summation of Peter's advice to you in this thread, he is indeed a wise councillor!

Enjoy the holiday, you deserve one....

My dancing bananas on the previous page may have been a bit premature (but they are still dancing!)

[Peter1975]

Many thanks for the update, it's great to hear some positive news, especially as it had seemed that all was lost for a time.

CH has the gifts of brevity and tact that I sadly do not, but essentially, there is little choice but to work with SS to resolve matters and it's far better to get them onside than antagonise them or give them a reason to treat you badly.


Anyway, well done on hanging in there and getting through it all. I hope you have a great holiday and bring back some happy memories.