getting over being falsely accused

[maria]

hi all well it is now coming up to 10 months since my son went to court over a false allegation .... we all think that things can only get better but do they? i have watched my son go from a kind loving thoughtful caring man into a shadow of himself altho he is trying to get on with his life i can read him like a book
he has become withdrawn and puts on a front his relatsionship with his girlfriend is under strain at the best of times altho they are just about together, i need to know do you ever get over something like this i know it gets easier but will it ever end my son till this day thinks the stress of it all gave me cancer ( IT DIDNT ) how do you get your son to beleive in himself again how do you get him to put it all behind him i no he still has nightmares he's always tired and he's always in the pub now what do i do to help him without him thinking i'm interfering or thinking i'm not allowing him to forget whats happened to him? i no he IS INNOCENT and so does his accuser and so do all his friends and family but the effect that it has had on him is enourmous i am slowly watching my son become someone else can anyone give me any advice thanks maria x

[Saffron]

You are already doing the most important thing you can - supporting and loving him. Your belief in him is probably the most sustaining thing he has at the moment, and is invaluable to him.

It is devastating and terrifying to be accused of a crime you haven't committed, but it is equally difficult to have to watch someone you love suffer so terribly while you are powerless to help. In my case my husband is now serving a prison sentence for a sexual assault he didn't commit.

He may benefit from some counselling, and it might be worth you considering it as well. If you are not strong he won't be either, so make sure you take care of yourself.


Keep strong. I have found this site to be immensely helpful. Our lives will never be the same again, but are stronger as a result of this nightmare, and one day it will be over.

Good luck, I will be thinking of you.

[maria]

thanks for that but i really don't beleive it will ever be over this thing has change us as people i worry all the time now that someone else will accuse him or one off my other son's it seems to be the fashion these days its one way to get yourself out off debt or buy a house or set yourself up and bugger the the lives it ruins all i can say to all men out there is stay well away from anyone that could put you in a situation like that never in a million yrs will i ever doubt my son i feel for the people who this does actualy happen to my heart goes out to them but to do what this girl has done not only to my son but to 3 others and get away with it is dispicable i just wish i could find out the other guys names who she has done it to and get intouch with them but as i can't name this girl i will never be able to find out she knows who she is . her mother and her friend do the same thing i just hope and pray they haven't or will never do it to anyone else i wish you all the best with you and your husband its easy to say keep smiling but when your heart is breaking its hard take care luv maria x

[Saffron]

Maria

It is not clear to me whether your son has had his trial and was found not guilty or whether his trial is approaching.

If she is a serial accuser, maybe you could go to the police with this information? Unless of course all of her "conquests" have been convicted. Surely if she has made three accusations, and not one of them has resulted in a conviction the police ought to look into it.

I didn't wish to say anything as flippant as "keep smiling", i know how tough it is, and the heartache and horror that goes with it. In the run up to my husband's trial he took a stanley blade to his arms and is now scarred for life. Now he is in prison he is on suicide watch. I can't tell you how horrific the whole thing is, but i think you can understand where I am coming from.

I don't think our lives will ever be the same again, your and mine or the people we care about. if we let this beat us it is yet another victory for the liars who caused us all this pain in the first place.

take care, i will be thinking of you.

[maria]

hi my son had his trial 10 months ago but was told or should i say frightened into taking a plea bargain ... he is now going thru appeal i really feel for you and your husband my heart goes out to you ... the law isn't right the way it is at the moment but what can we do to change it ... even now probabtion beleive my son thats how good the justice system is you take care you are in my thoughts especialy with what you are going thru x

[diana_holbourn]

I don't know, but perhaps it would help your son if he got in touch with the organisations for falsely accused people out there and asked if there was any voluntary work he could do to help them, even if it was just for a couple of hours a week. If there was, it might comfort him a bit by giving him the satisfaction of knowing that at least he was helping others going through the same thing, in the hope that they at least don't have to go through everything he did.

[maria]

thanks for that diane i'm not so sure at the mo if it would do any good as he has to over come his own personal problem 1st i'm sure in time to come it could be a great idea for him
many thanks maria x

[martyn]

I have been asked to find out if any support exists for people falsley accused of rape. The individual in question had an existing mental health problem and this accusation has now resulted in him refusing to leave his home and obviouslly suffering from extreme social anxiety. I as yet have not discovered any support network that might be of use and would be greatful for any suggestions.
Martyn

[diana_holbourn]

I don't know how good they are, but you could try A-Team.org - The False Accusations Email List for those wrongly accused.

[maria]

hi all well shane's now on antidepresants i just hope this works he is definatley suffering anxiety attacks its awful 2 watch him deteriate like this i feel so helpless x

[val lavender]

Getting over a false accusation of any crime is difficult but a false accusation of rape must be the most difficult to recover from. I went through a rape allegation which ended up in court which was traumatic in its own right.

On being found not guilty I experianced a brief feeling of eophoric relief, which was followed very quickly by a long period of deep depression and attacks of agraphobia and paranoia's of various types.

What I found to be the best cure for this was going through the statements and transcripts and highlighting where my accuser had lied. Having done this I went to the force concerned and demanded that they investigate both my accuser [name withheld due to the ludicrous laws on this subject] and my ex-wife for perjury and attempting to pervert the course of justice. This proved to be very cathartic and greatly aided the recovery of my self esteem and confidence.

This is not a route for everyone regrettably, not every case has the same potential for retrospective action and the effort required may be beyond the mental strength of someone who has endured the horror of a false accusation.

However, in those case where it is possible to demand that a false accuser be brought to book and for those who have the fortitude to bear re-examining all the unpleasant paperwork my e-mail address is vallavender@msn.com and my mobile phone number is 07985 507264. I do not pretend to be a legal expert but I have been involved in a number of cases, including my own, where the police have been forced to investigate attempts to pervert the course of justice and I am willing to attempt to assist anyone who wishes to try to bring their accuser to account.

For those who do not feel that this course of action is not for them, and wish to attempt to try and forget the entire episode, I wish you every success and would suggest contacting one of the victim support agencies

VAL

[maria]

hi val thats relly good advice i will show that 2 shane and see what he thinks thanks for that well done in succeeding and getting over it i hope you are well and are happy now stay strong and keep up the good work x

[val lavender]

Hi Maria

if you think hat thia approach would work for shane you have my contact details, though I would reiterate that it does take a great deal of mental fortitude as and persevearance.

There are several other thing that I feel that false rape accusation survivors should be campaigning for:

1/ Annonimuty[spelt wrong] for the accused until found guilty or the removal of annonimuty for the alledged victim.

2/ That the CICA compensation scheme should be extended to include the mental damage suffered by those who are victims of attempts to pervert the course of justice.

3/ Much heavier penalties for false accusers [ Essex police recently issued an ?80 fixed penalty ticket to a woman who made a false rape allegation]

4/ The use of the polygraph pn both "victim" and accused.


These measures will only evr be adopted if pressure is brought by victims of false allegations on MPs


Regards


Val

[maria]

hi val shane has offerd to take the polygraph test with probabtion, but like they have said he wouldn't be able to use that when he finaly goes to court again to try and clear his name, i also wanted to say i totaly agree with all what you have said about the accuser being named and punish for false accusations and get the same sentence and made to take the stand, i wonder if they would reconcider making false allegations, it makes me sick to my stomach knowing that people are doing this and getting away with it it makes it so much harder for the true victims to come forward there should be more then an ?80 fine thats says it all really accuse who you like ruin someones life and if you get found out don't worry you will just get an ?80 fine, if i was they way inclined i could go out any given night an accuse someone and it would just boil down to there word against mine i wonder how many good actors there are out there?

[val lavender]

Hi Maria

There are lots of good actors and actresses out there

Val