Had consensual sex..next day accused of rape (please read my story)

[nervous wreck]

Without going into to much detail, I had sex with a girl who I had just met through a friend I work with. She performed oral sex on me twice (before and after intercourse) She spent the night at my house and then the next day she left after I gave her my number and she kissed me.

I then get a call a couple of days later saying that she left my house and told a friend that I had raped her (by force). She apparently was taken to the hospital and given a rape kit, tox screen, etc. I felt sick to my stomach. I immediately was on the phone with a lawyer (im in the US) and he told me not to talk to the police. When the detective called me I informed him of my lawyer so he has been communicating with him.

I am in the dark as to what is going on right now. My lawyer said that the detective told him that they weren't going to make any moves until they get the tox screen back, which should take about a month. They did a tox screen to see what was in here system and she apparently told the police that I gave her a pill (klonopin) which is true, but it was an extremely small amount and she knowingly and willingly snorted it. Also, two other people (my friend from work who knows the girl I slept with and another girl) spent the night at my house. My friend who I work with witnessed her sleeping in my bed with me when he got up to go to the bathroom and told this to the detective. He was right down the hall and told my lawyer that if anything was going on he would have heard it because he was only 20ft down the hall. It has been 38 days since the complaint and tox screen were done and there have been no charges so far.

The detective has asked that I give a DNA sample, but my lawyer told him not without a written search warrent. That was two weeks ago and I haven't heard anything about the warrent. Which meout of me, or they don't have enough to even get a search warrant. Which means one of two things, they were just asking for it to see if they could get anything out of me.
This sick and twisted girl is apparently enjoying all the attention she is getting from people because of this.

My guess is that she felt guilty the next day and decided to make this horrible accusation. Because after we finished, I was talking and she was only giving one word answers and being kind of quiet. So I asked her if she was OK and she said "I don't know, I normally don't hook up with guys I just met." Which isn't the case from what I have heard about her. A lot of what I hear about her makes me think she might have borderline personality disorder, but I don't know.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a nice guy and would never do anything like that. This is a situation that I never could evenn imagine myself in. I am trying to go on with my life but sometimes I just wanna lay in bed and cry. I can't eat much and I have nightmares most nights. My parents (especially my mother) are a wreck as well.

I want to feel optimistic that no charges have been brought and its been a while but I just can't. I don't know anything about what this girl said except that it was force, which it clearly wasn't.

[nervous wreck]

Any advice/comfort is greatly appreciated.

Reading the forum, it seems that many in my situation haven't had the correct outcome. I don't know what the law differences in the US/UK are. I don't imagine there is much difference.

I am scared to death (I would rather die than go to prison). The rational and logical part of me wants to think that if this does go to trial, there isn't a jury in the world that would find me guilty beyond a resonable doubt. However, if this girl is crazy enough to get up on the stand and lie, cry, etc. I feel I don't have much of a chance. And I still don't know what the police have for evidence (if any at all)

[RFLH]

Hi nervous wreck - dying isn't an option. People would then think you were guilty and what effect do you think it would have on your mum and dad and other family members?

I can't comment on US law, but I do know that by now you would have been charged if you lived here, evidence or no evidence.

Keep posting - it does help. There will be others coming along soon to post their views and offer support.

[Rights Fighter]

Unfortunately none of us know much about US law. All you can do is to grit your teeth and wait. Your lawyer sounds like he is on the ball so that's a positive.

the next step could be that your lawyer applies to get her medical and psychiatric records as it is possible she has a history of making false allegations.

[friday]

sorry to hear about your situation. i don't know much about the u.s criminal justice system so can't help in that respect. i know that here giving someone drugs when they are unaware of it is a major deal (obviously and rightly) and i guess the same applies in the u.s but even if she says she was unaware you gave her the drug (which seems unlikely if she told them what you gave her) then the police would need to prove she was unaware. the other issue is whether the drug meant she was incapable of consenting.

it sounds like your lawyer is advising you well. i hope everything works out for you.

[Saffron]

Hi Nervous Wreck
Sorry to hear of your situation. Like the others, I don't know anything about American law, but your lawyer sounds pretty on the ball.

Some people find that being a victim is very empowering, and therefore exaggerate or make up claims of ordeals in order to very deliberately gain this status. They think there is a certain "glamour" to be had in being a victim - everyone feels terribly sorry for them, they get lots of sympathy, and are treated with a kind of reverence. They will tell anyone and everyone what has "happened" to them. Some even manage to persuade themselves that their "rape" did actually happen!

Of course genuine victims do not relish this status at all. They try not to talk about it as they find it painful to recall such a destructive memory.

In the UK it can take months (sometimes even years) for a charge of this nature to be brought. It sounds positive that you have not yet been served a warrant to give a DNA sample - the police have to apply for one, and (I am guessing) have to provide the DA with good reasons for wanting it. Maybe they haven't got a good enough reason.

I am glad that you have the support of your family. Situations like this are incredibly stressful, so you all need to lean on each other.

Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

[nervous wreck]

Thanks for the support.

As far as the pills, she knowingly and willingly snorted it. All four people at my house that night did.

It was half the lowest possible perscribed dose. It may not even show up in her system as far as I know. If it does, it will show a very small amount.

They aren't trying to work under the theory that I drugged her, I think they are saying force.

But yet another day has gone by without any action. I'm on day 41 right now.

[nervous wreck]

Just spoke with my attorney and he told me that the detective in charge of my case indicated to him that they will not be pursuing any charges!!! I think this may finally be over.

So incredibly overwhelm with emotion right now.

Thanks to everyone here for the support. I will pop in every now and then to comfort others as you all did in my dire time of need.

[RFLH]

That is news worth celebrating! Just be careful of whom you encounter in future!!

[Rights Fighter]

Brilliant news! I echo RFLH - be careful with whose company you choose to keep and leave the drugs alone!