My partner has been charged but insists his is innocent. help please

[Lucy]

(Posted on old forum on Thursday, July 08, 2004)

Hi there

Has anyone any information that may help? I am standing by this man, as I believe his is not capable of rape. Family and friends who don't know him are judging me as they believe he wouldn't be charged if there was no evidence. I have no information as I am waiting to visit him, so don't even know what the police think they have. I really need so help and support.

Thanks and best wishes Lucy

[Ashley]

Dear Lucy,
Right at this moment in time your partner needs all the support he can get especially from someone close to him.
That is not to say you should be blinded by your feelings or distracted by misplaced loyalty.
False allegations of sexual assault do happen, they are perhaps more common than is generally known. Sexual assault also happens and it is likely we do not know the full extent because of failure to report such incidents.
Such is the current political climate that charges are being preferred on the flimsiest of evidence. You have probably heard in recent news the political clamour to increase the conviction rate for Rape.
I do not want to get into that arena, your question is not about that.
Your partner will tell you everything and let you see everything (evidentially) if he is being wholly honest with you. If you have been together any length of time, you will know if that is the case.
For the time being you have to be a rock for him......if he is innocent then he will be going through hell.

[diana_holbourn]

Here are a couple of links to a support group and an organisation (that have been posted here before). The organisation (linked to second) has actually been recommended by someone here who said they had a good experience with them. I'm not quite sure what services they provide, but I think the organisation can help you get a good solicitor.

http://www.a-team.org/false_accusation_list.html
A-Team.org - The False Accusations Email List for those wrongly accused.

http://www.false-allegations.org.uk
FASO (False Allegations Support Organisation) [UK].

[SC]

Lucy - I hope I can help.

I have been through the whole scenario with my husband. To cut a very long story short, my husband was accused, charged, went to court and was finally acquitted of rape, by jury, based effectively on one woman's word - she reported a fictitious "attack" to the police some 18 years after she said it happened. There was no evidence whatsoever; but he was charged on the basis that she gave his full name and address and a vivid description of this "rape". We found out 3 days before trial that if he had said he knew her, and had slept with her consensually, he would have never been charged. The system is farcical.

Anyway, I can believe that he is innocent - the truth is; if an allegation is made, little effort is made to find out whether it really happened or not, the fact is, all the CPS are interested in is whether they have the grounds they need to be able to get a conviction. Sadly, many people fall into the 'no smoke without fire' category - My in-laws included (their son!&#33 Remember that is absolutely not the case - any solicitor will tell you that.

You will need to be REALLY strong, because he will be going to hell and back (as will you). I am assuming that he is in custody? This will make things more difficult for both of you (we were lucky - hubby was on bail throughout the procedures). What you need to do is:

1) Find a good solicitor for him (he should qualify for legal aid)
2) Retrace his steps on the time in question. Encourage him to remember every single detail, no matter how insignificant. Write this down as comprehensively as you can.
3) Find as much evidence as you possibly can to back up his story. Where was he, who saw him, did he use an ATM, were there security cameras anywhere, etc etc?? Take notes, photographs, ask for people who saw him to provide statements etc. It does not matter how insignificant this is; you can weed out the less relevant stuff later.
4) The CPS have to provide his solicitor with copies of the prosecution paperwork. Ask to see them, and go through the whole thing word by word, noting any discrepancies / inconsistencies and anything facts that are wrong.
5) Unless his defence team find conclusive evidence that it was not him (i.e. footage from a CCTV which puts him in the wrong place etc) this will almost certainly go to trial.
6) If he does end up in court, the prosecution have to prove his guilt beyond reasonable doubt. This means that the defence will take apart the woman's story and disprove it. This will be his one chance to tell his side of the story.
7) Go and visit your GP now. Explain the situation; which will make it easier if you need help later on.
8) Encourage your boyfriend to see his GP as well; or at least some medical advice. He will be suffering from extreme stress and sooner or later this will affect him badly.
9) sounds obvious - but don?t post any details of the charges on the internet anywhere. They could be used against you both.

Also, remember that you and he are both innocent bystanders to someone else's problems. If you able to prove that the allegations are false; let your boyfriends solicitors know immediately.

Either way, no matter what the outcome - you will need support and help too. It is the worst thing that any woman will have to go through (besides losing a child). You will both be in limbo for a long time, please be prepared - this is a long, lonely and very difficult journey. You will not be in any position to be strong for him if you don?t get the support for yourself.

Also, once its over, it does not end there. A year on, my husband is a shadow of his former self. He is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and is on the edge of a nervous breakdown. He will not accept that he needs help to deal with his feelings of anger and shame. I am still in counselling to try to heal the pain I am still feeling, but worse, our relationship has suffered badly - to the brink of separation. Only time will tell if we ever get back to 'normal' - whatever that is!

I really feel for you both - I really hope it works out.

[Saffron]

Dear SC and Lucy

Thank you for sharing your stories. I find it oddly comforting that someone else is enduring the same trauma as me.

My husband is currently serving a prison term for indecent assault, and I have been on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

In September last year, he was arrested for the rape of a female colleague after a long night's drinking and a bit of a drunken fumble. She tried to instigate sex, and he got cold feet and left.

He voluntarily attended the police station, where he was instantly arrested. He was subjected to a humiliating and unlawful physical examination for over an hour, and only after that was he questioned. He was frightened, traumatised and mentally bullied by the arresting officers. Several times they told him to just admit he had raped her.

14 weeks later, the results of the forensic examination proved that intercourse, consensual or otherwise had not taken place. My husband was charged with indecent assault.

In the lead up to the trial, my husband became suicidal, and began to self harm. I made him go to see his GP, and he was referred for counselling and prescribed anti-depressants.

In court, his accuser admitted she had originally accused him of rape, but that she had waited for the results of the forensics to arrive before she changed her mind, and decided that she hadn't been raped. She admitted to drinking 8 bottles of beer, a bottle of wine and 5 or 6 tequilas. She admitted she took her clothes off and got into bed while he was out of the room, and that she did so knowing he would return.

My husbands sexual history was picked apart by the prosecution barrister. Our defence counsel could ask her nothing about hers - not about the time she had sex with the MD of the company she worked for, not about her threesomes, not about how she regularly cheated on her boyfriend.
My husband was painted as a predatory, sexually active character. She appeared virginal.

The crux of the case was who the jury believed, and they chose to believe her. So how is this fair? One person's word against another, and they can ask my husband ANYTHING about his sex life, and we can ask her NOTHING about hers?

After sentencing, the case was all over the local papers, with my husband's name and full address. Our neighbours are now fully aware of what has happened, and my 4 year old son and I have been stared and pointed at in the street. We hold our heads high, knowing that the wonderful, kind, generous hearted man who has been locked up is innocent. We are holding on tightly, knowing that he will be home, and we will be a family again. It is incredibly tough to stay positive, but we will triumph eventually. My relationship with my husband has grown closer and stronger as a result of this, and it has made us both cherish every second we spend with our beautiful son. The thing to do is hold on to your heart, and keep fighting. There is nothing else we can do, we have no choice. The legal system is weighted so heavily in favour of the accuser, and there is a strong tendency for those accused of sex crimes to be viewed as "guilty until proven innocent."

[Maggie]

The responses given so far have been absolutely spot on in my opinion! My husband was accused of indecent assault & gross indecency against a boy of 8 years (15 years by the time he supposedly 'disclosed' this). I knew that my husband of 21 years could never have committed such an offence and stood by him 100%. It was a complete nightmare and neither of us could actually believe this was happening as there was absolutely no evidence whatsoever, only the word of a teenaged boy with severe psychosis who was being threatened with being taken from his family home and placed in foster care (having spent 8 months in residential care for youngsters with behavioural problems). For some reason he chose my husband to level his accusations at, needless to say he received huge amounts of attention and sympathy and never went into foster care. After 18 months of sheer hell and our two youngest children being placed on the 'at risk' register under the risk of sexual abuse, the jury returned a unanimous 'not guilty' verdict after only one hour of deliberations. This will be the most difficult time for you both but if you believe your partner to be innocent give him all the support you can. It will not be easy and there will be the 'no smoke without fire' brigade to contend with but you must hold your head high and keep going. We are now closer than ever as a couple and family and we make the most of every minute we have together. My best wishes go to you for the future.
Regards
Maggie

[Guest]

i am very interested in all the comments about falsely accused partners.
i myself have found myself in this situation and nearly 2 years on i am still living with the legacy. it took 7 months for the court to see sense and throw the matter out or offer no evidence. the accusations where dated back to when my husband was 10 years old 25 years ago to maybe when he was 17 or he could have been 18 the girl his cousin had no idea!!
consequently alll the details where put in the paper and our children where taunted at school. then put on the at risk register!!
no one would listen yet there where so many factual lies in her statement.
we are having great problems with our relationship and no longer do we feel like man and wife.
anyone no how to try and get through this lot cos i am still really angry about the whole injustice.
even our daughter who is chronically sick was questioned- the whole lot was just a joke.
my husband was a broken man going through the ordeal, i just can't believe this happens to people because somebody has a jealous streak against you.
the judge laughed at one point during the pre trial hearing.

[maria]

hi guest well i truely feel for you it sounds like that the judge in your husbands case should have been struck off this is no laughing matter, the best advice i can give you is try very hard to put this all behind you its not easy i know i'm still going through it nearly 3 yrs on but all the time that you are going through this torment this girl is winning, DON'T LET HER get on with your life and hold your head high the more you worry about it the more she wins take care maria x

[Guest]

Dear people ,
I have read your letters in great detail and i feel for you all in a big way,i know exactly what you are going through.I myself was a victim of false allegations of rape made against me,and believe me it is a nightmare i will never forget.I was taken out of my home on june 2003 and arrested for rape on a woman i had met in 2001 through an internet chatline.We had parted after a few weeks as there was nothing we had in common with each other.She had discussed our relationship with others on the internet chatroom and before long she was persuaded by her friends that she had been raped,this gave her the ammunition she needed to get her revenge on me,why i will never know.She told me she was divorced and had one boy and i believed her,i suppose i felt sorry for her in a way ,but later in court i was to find out that she was still married ,had six children ,five of which could not be accounted for ,she said in court that they were up the country ,but when asked where up the country were they? she replied they were scattered all over ,and she said this with great pride which made me almost faint in court.She said i took pictures of her with a camera in a hotel and convinced police and the prosecution that they were nude pictures ,the pictures were actually taken in the carpark of the hotel behind flowers ,fortunately i kept on to these pictures and produced them in court,she denied it was her in the pictures ,the judge even gave her a magnifying glass in case she was blind .eventually she had to give in and admit it was her ,and that they were the only pictures that i had ever taken of her.I HAD TO WAIT TEN MONTHS ,before i got my day in court,and for the whole ten months i was imprisoned and shipped around from prison to prison like a rag doll kicked from one end of the road to another.while in prison i did not waste time in getting pen to paper and writing.my advice to your loved ones in this situation is to think back and put your pens to paper and remember everything and write it down and give every little no matter how small to your solicitor,while i was in prison ,it was a first time for me and an experience i will never forget .If i thought of something while in bed in the middle of the night ,i would get up and write it down.It is very important you write as much about your case as you can,leave no stone unturned,the smallest thing can prove your innocence in court.make sure you got a good solicitor and insist on a qc when you go to court ,as this is a serious allegation and word of mouth is enough to put an innocent man behind bars for a long time ,no dna or evidence is needed ,word of mouth will seal his fate,so it is important you insist on a qc.Write to your local mp let him know what is going on ,write to CLAIRE CURTIS THOMAS in the house of commons ,she deals with false allegations quite a lot,let the polititions know what is going on,make them aware that your loved one is a victim of false allegations.On many cases of false allegations ,compansation is discussed between victim and police,she is made out to be a poor victim and the man is a predator sex maniac,her name will not be mentioned in the press but the mans name could be headline news,when in fact she is the real villian and he is the innocent man.after spending 10 months in prison the case was thrown out in court after she lied and got caught out in every lie she told,i was told by the home office that i was not entitled to any compansation to cover my 30,000 in lost earnings,because i was not convicted of anything,basically i got nothing,not a penny.it almost ruined me .you got to be strong ,your loved one need you ,don't desert them over some criminal who will do anything for compansation from the criminal compansation board.life may never be the same after it's all over ,but you got to work hard at it ,he will need a lot of help ,depression may set in ,he may feel let down by the system ,and politics,he will need all the help he can get ,try to get councelling for him,you are all he has got be there for him.

ostel

[mol12]

Originally posted by Guest@2nd April 2005 - 10:30 PM
i am very interested in all the comments about falsely accused partners.
i myself have found myself in this situation and nearly 2 years on i am still living with the legacy. it took 7 months for the court to see sense and throw the matter out or offer no evidence. the accusations where dated back to when my husband was 10 years old 25 years ago to maybe when he was 17 or he could have been 18 the girl his cousin had no idea!!
consequently alll the details where put in the paper and our children where taunted at school. then put on the at risk register!!
no one would listen yet there where so many factual lies in her statement.
we are having great problems with our relationship and no longer do we feel like man and wife.
anyone no how to try and get through this lot cos i am still really angry about the whole injustice.
even our daughter who is chronically sick was questioned- the whole lot was just a joke.
my husband was a broken man going through the ordeal, i just can't believe this happens to people because somebody has a jealous streak against you.
the judge laughed at one point during the pre trial hearing.

Quoted post

[maria]

hi ostel im really pleased your outcome was better then most who get falsley accused, no doubt you feel very scared about meeting any more women and i feel for you but don't let this women who did this to you keep punishing you go out and have fun and meet new people still good luck xoxox

[angel0019]

Hey Lucy I know how you feel and what you are going through the same thing is happening to my boyfriend. Apart of me says there is no way in hell that he could have raped this girl. To me it is just unbelievable. I am affraid that I say this and it will end up that he did do it not realizing what he had done at the time because he was drunk. But anyways I hope that everything goes good for you and your boyfriend. If you need anyone to talk to this is the place to do it.