my son has been arrested for rape

[worried sick mum]

hi i was just wondering if anyone out there can help my son and i friday night he a bit to drink and this girl who also had a bit to drink was coming on to him after a while they both went out side which was proved on cct and went to the car park at the back they had sex and was making their way back to the club. it was consentual, he went back inside to the club and the girl said to meet in 15 mins. my son didnt go back but got a lift home with his boss. later that night the girl was found at the back of the club saying she had been raped. my son was arrested on the saturday at work was held for 5 hours checked out by the doctor for marks and dna. and his bedroom searched they took his clothes he wore that night and he was bailed for two weeks, my son had no marks on him had a two hour interview without a solictor, he said he didnt need one and he told them everything they asked, he told the police he has nothing to hide so he didnt need one. he didnt have one mark on him to say he had attack anyone. i know men go to prison for a long time and im am worried sick about him, everyone at his place of work has said that he was ok and they saw how the girl was acting with him. so now here it comes a mums side i know my son didnt do this he grew up with 3 sisters and has never lifted a finger, he has lots of friend girls who also doesnt believe he did this sick thing. im am worried sick, we have his sisters wedding tomorrow and i dont know how im going to get through it. any thoughts ar advice would be welcome.

[Saffron]

No wonder you are a Worried Sick Mum. Hello and welcome.

I'm sorry to hear what has happened to your son. These things happen far more often than most people would believe.

First things first - he needs to get a seriously good solicitor. Not a general criminal solicitor, but one that specialises in sexual offences. This is an SAR (Serious Arrestable Offence) and one should never assume that the truth will prevail. Your son may have thought that he didn't need a solicitor present, but he was naive to refuse the option to have one at his side. Rights Fighter may be able to advise you on a good one. She is ridiculously busy at the moment, but I am sure she will be along soon.

This sounds like a typical case of post-coital regret - she was up for it, but when your son left without saying his goodbyes or arranging a future meeting, she decided that he forced her into sex. She also probably feels a bit grubby for having sex in a car park with a man she had just met, and in her mind she has re-classified it as being non-consensual. However, if your son didn't have a sol present when he was interviewed, it is unlikely that the police will have explained what the girl's side of the story. they will ask for his version, and then report it back to the girl, who will then be allowed to change her statement to justify/explain away your son's account of events.

The fact that your son doesn't have any marks on him to suggest a physical struggle is not a defence. The complainant could say she was too terrified to fight back, that he threatened her, or that she was too drunk to fight him off. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, and I don't want to frighten you, but you need to be aware that all of these are considered legitimate reasons for there being no signs of a physical struggle. In some cases, false accusers have even been known to hit themselves and tear their own clothes to make their story appear more credible.

It is good that there are lots of people who do not believe he did this, and he is lucky to have such a supportive mum as you. Are there any people who were with him in the club, or saw them go out to the carpark and can testify as to the girl's demeanour? If she was willingly walking with him, for example, or if they were seen kissing? If there are, you will need to contact them and ask them to give a statement to your solicitor when you have appointed one. Do not, under any circumstances, give this information to the police - they have been known to "lose" vital evidence, or to claim that they never received it. Get your solicitor to handle everything that you think will be helpful.

I would also suggest that your son writes down as much as he can remember about the night in question, however small or insignificant it may seem. Sometimes our memories come back in dribs and drabs, and he may remember a detail that is vital.

As for coping at your daughter's wedding - well, it is supposed to be a happy occasion, so treat it as such. Try to put this to the back of your mind for the day. And when the wedding is over, go to your GP, explain what has happened, and that you are finding it difficult to cope. Your GP is bound by the hippocratic oath, which mean s/he will not discuss your situation with anyone outside of the medical profession. Your GP can also refer you to a specialist counsellor, who will be able to give you tips on how to cope. When my husband was accused, i threw myself into housework and cooking to keep my mind busy. I also worked extremely hard at my job. Take yourself out for a walk, bake a cake, decorate your living room, treat yourself to a new haircut, anything that will give you something else to concentrate on. Physical exercise is also a good way of coping - it releases endorphines in your body that give you the "feel good" factor.

My husband was accused just before my sister's wedding - literally 2 days before. He kept it a secret from me until afterwards, as he didn't want to wreck the wedding, but I don't know how he coped, or what I would have done if he had told me, so my heart goes out to you.

I hope it all turns out well for you. If you need to talk, PM me.

Good luck,

Saffron

[Rights Fighter]

The problem is, police will ask who else was present. They will then take those witnesses that could be used for defence as their own and tell them not to discuss matters with the defence.

As Saffron says, get these friends to go the the defence sol asap ( I hope he has now found one experienced in false allegations of abuse) otherwise the police will snaffle them up and deny the defendant the right to his own witnesses.

If you need ongoing online support please feel free to join www.pafaa.org.uk

You can join the private forum from there. All members on that private have been touched by false allegations of sexual abuse in one way or another.

[worried sick mum]

update

my son still wont look into a solicitor yet he returned for bail last night and they still havent charged him for the rape. they have bailed him yet again until sept 13th because of medical results my husband said they dont have anything on him and are playing for time in hope something turns up. according to gossip this girl was beaten and had to have something removed from her surgically and her clothes were found 4 miles away in the opposite direction from where we live my son doesnt drive. there are people in the club that saw them together and said that she was throwing hersself at him (altho thats no reason for this to happen by who ever did this)
on a positive note my son helped a lady who was being attacked by her ex husband and held him till the police came. he phoned me nearly in tears saying it made him feel sick. he hates violance against women. just thought i would update you all

[Rights Fighter]

If he does not instruct a solicitor experienced in these matters he could find himself in terrible trouble later on. However, that is his choice!

There doesn't need to be any evidence apart from the word of the complainant. Having said that, in your son's case it seems that she's made some sort of outrageous claims that can easily be disproved, if they are untrue.

All I can say to you (and him) is "good luck".

[worried sick mum]

update once again

last night the police went to my sons work and asked for the cctv of the night in question however it had been taped over. when they questioned his co workers and his boss they said he was partially innoccent. i told my son when he called he needed to get a solicitor because obviously they dont have much if any evidence against him. today we are waiting for a solicitor to call back. my son dont only knows of hearsay about what happened to this girl so hopefully now when he gets a solicitor we will know more and what he is up against. we are both still worried sick about all this and cant wait for it to be over. just thought i would up date you all
many thanks
worried sick mum

[Rights Fighter]

Hi

I'm not sure what you mean about his colleagues saying that he is "partially innocent". However I wouldn't post too much up here as it is a public forum.

[worried sick mum]

no not his collegues the police told his manager

[Rights Fighter]

I must learn to read slower!!