helpo

[alaskasky44]

im going to keep this as short as I can and as honest to tell her/my side

-Im a 15 year old male from England, at the time I was 12 she was 13, I wasn't a happy kid, I was self harming and had major anixtey since around year 7, im not really sure why, I grew up with my mother but at the start of year 8 she moved to Ecuador so I move to a different town with my grandmother where I would get the train to school everyday

me and this girl had been dating 5/6 months but what I didn't know is she had been lying to me from the beginning about her, she told me she was sexually assaulted and physically assaulted at a young age by a boy who went to a different school, she called him 'lucas willams' she went in depth with describing her experience with him saying he physically and sexually assaulted her with sciossrs and nasty things like that,

I later found out that this boy didn't exist but ill get to that later, we started getting sexual in around January 2016, she was 13 I was 12 it wasn't anything bad at first but it slowly progressed, as my mother had left the country i started to get addicted to this girl ill call her a.

A's mum worked at my school and is actually my teacher, i went round a's house after school had dinner their met her family played xbox with her younger brother t and it was really nice, her whole family was really nice expect a, i would say stupid **** that would offend her and if she didn't like it she would scream at me or say nasty things to me this was a common occurance, understand i needed this girl she made me really happy but it got to the point were i was going to her house everyday and spending all my time with her, but she was lying to me and i figured this out when i asked her friend s about lucas who didn't actually exist, i got kinda mad because she had been lying about it for months,

me and a started having sex, it was my idea i guess but she wanted doing it, in retrospective i think how ****ing dumb i am because their was no contrepaction, and this is where it all starts, bearing in mind i was going to her house most days of the week, often after we were doing sexual stuff she would ask for more like "bubby can i please sit on your dick" and just try to get me to have sex with her, sometimes id want to i guess but other times my anixtey stopped me, so what would happen is she would turn away look at her wall and get angry at me, id go play fifa with her brother and then she would be sitting on the floor with her hands wrapped around her knees,

she made me feel sorry for her so i would try and fix it try hug her she would push me away then start shouting and me, literally pushing me we would aruge and i would tell her hit me, then she actually did, the hitting wasn't a common thing but the pressure for sex was, a lot of times i would break up with her for a bit then she would lie about me make up things make people hate me, one time i was considering sucide and because i was a ****ing idiot i told her and made a count down as to when i was going to do it, this is ****ing stupid of me, she told the school i spoke to the depuaty head and then i got really pissed at her, texted her 'snake' or something, then her friends who were at the time told the deptuay, he came and screamed at me for doing it saying she was trying to help, apparently if i messeged her again her family would call the police even though we were in relationship, also at this time i had bragged to people about the sexual stuff we had done and it went around the whole school i was called "4 fingers" and **** like that, i guess i thought it was cool i know now it isn't, but i have read back on my converstations and i said i wanted to kill myself a lot which im sure made my friends/her feel ****ty, but anyway i get what i did wrong i felt like i needed her so bad when i didn't,

eveuntally i gave up with all the abuse she was giving me and broke up with her, she threw me on her bed and started crying saying "bubby please no" not letting me leave, i told her i wasn't going to i changed my mind and got a lift back with her and her mum, after i got out i texted her saying it was over she begged me not to then turned sour, making up rumors about me accusing me of physical assault, i felt like i needed her back because i was scared she was going to ruin my life so one night i kept calling her, i called her about 30 times sometimes letting it ring then hang up sometimes speaking to her, she told the school and i spoke to my head of year he was nice told me to leave her alone and stuff so i did, since then she has said some horrible **** like "your useless you should just die" then unsending on Instagram, i screenshotted this then posted it on my snapchat she then changed her username and acted like i made it up, theirs many more nasty exchanges and ive forgotten a lot of it but i ****ed up as did she,

anyway around a year later i told her two only friends what had happended they belived me because this girl lies a lot and chats behind peoples backs so i had been worrying for a year because she had made up this guy that apparently physically and sexually abused her what if she does it to me? i was really stressting out self harming couldn't focus at school and i spoke to child line but it didn't really help, because when im in a bad place i stress so much like i look for stuff to worry about, it turned out she had said i physically and sexually abused her she had said this too her only 3 friends i know and apparently i left bruises up her whole back,

im really ****ing worried im going to go to prison for something i didn't do like ive tried to kill myself before because i get that worried, my parents don't know only a samartian i spoke to on the phone and some close friends, what the **** do i do because im worried ill go to prison, i think about what happened all the time and it stresses me out so ****ing much, please help.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I suspect you have had no replies to your post because it has come out as one block of text with little punctuation and no line breaks/ paragraphs and is therefore difficult to read and comprehend; possibly because you composed and sent from your phone rather than a PC with word processing facility.

You certainly are not the first person to do this and I sometimes try to edit to clarify matters but in your instance I am not clear what has actually happened/happening except that you and the girl are going through a lot of grief.

To help members offer suitable advice here are a couple of questions to make your situation clearer:

Which country are you and the girl living in and what nationality is she? (age of consent will be relevant)

Has she made a formal complaint to the police about the alleged physical and sexual abuse; if so have you been interviewed by them?

[alaskasky44]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I suspect you have had no replies to your post because it has come out as one block of text with little punctuation and no line breaks/ paragraphs and is therefore difficult to read and comprehend; possibly because you composed and sent from your phone rather than a PC with word processing facility.

You certainly are not the first person to do this and I sometimes try to edit to clarify matters but in your instance I am not clear what has actually happened/happening except that you and the girl are going through a lot of grief.

To help members offer suitable advice here are a couple of questions to make your situation clearer:

Which country are you and the girl living in and what nationality is she? (age of consent will be relevant)

Has she made a formal complaint to the police about the alleged physical and sexual abuse; if so have you been interviewed by them?

England, she is white/Caucasian and no not at present.

[Casehardened]

England, she is white/Caucasian and no not at present.

Thanks for clearing that up, it was the mention of moving to Ecuador in your op that threw me, wasn't sure if you had moved as well.

[Casehardened]

I don't think I am able to suggest a solution to your relationship issues with the girl (but you do seem to bring out the worst in each other!) but I can perhaps offer some reassurance regarding your fear of being sent to prison.

As the girl is under sixteen she cannot legally give consent to any sexual activity and therefore any sexual partners can in theory be prosecuted. However the CPS do realise that this occurs fairly frequently and don't want to criminalise youngsters so their policy is summed up as follows:

It should be noted that where both parties to sexual activity are under 16, then they may both have committed a criminal offence. However, the overriding purpose of the legislation is to protect children and it was not Parliaments intention to punish children unnecessarily or for the criminal law to intervene where it was wholly in appropriate. Consensual sexual activity between, for example, a 14 or 15 year-old and a teenage partner would not normally require criminal proceedings in the absence of aggravating features. The relevant considerations include:

the respective ages of the parties;
the existence and nature of any relationship
their level of maturity;
whether any duty of care existed;
whether there was a serious element of exploitation.

You know this girl well so you may be able to guess whether she will actually make a formal accusation to the police or whether she is just trying to influence you but as you are concerned you could save/download anything on social media which shows that you are/have been in a consensual relationship.

[alaskasky44]

I don't think I am able to suggest a solution to your relationship issues with the girl (but you do seem to bring out the worst in each other!) but I can perhaps offer some reassurance regarding your fear of being sent to prison.

As the girl is under sixteen she cannot legally give consent to any sexual activity and therefore any sexual partners can in theory be prosecuted. However the CPS do realise that this occurs fairly frequently and don't want to criminalise youngsters so their policy is summed up as follows:

It should be noted that where both parties to sexual activity are under 16, then they may both have committed a criminal offence. However, the overriding purpose of the legislation is to protect children and it was not Parliaments intention to punish children unnecessarily or for the criminal law to intervene where it was wholly in appropriate. Consensual sexual activity between, for example, a 14 or 15 year-old and a teenage partner would not normally require criminal proceedings in the absence of aggravating features. The relevant considerations include:

the respective ages of the parties;
the existence and nature of any relationship
their level of maturity;
whether any duty of care existed;
whether there was a serious element of exploitation.


You know this girl well so you may be able to guess whether she will actually make a formal accusation to the police or whether she is just trying to influence you but as you are concerned you could save/download anything on social media which shows that you are/have been in a consensual relationship.

No i dont have any of our old conversations but she does, but no i dont have any proof of it being consensual but i have evidence of her being physically abusive towards me as in text messages she's sent me apologising for it.

[Casehardened]

No i dont have any of our old conversations but she does, but no i dont have any proof of it being consensual but i have evidence of her being physically abusive towards me as in text messages she's sent me apologising for it.

No matter, I guess that if necessary her family would confirm you were in a relationship.

I've gone back and put some line breaks in your op (however I've not edited any of the wording) quite useful really as I'd missed that you'd split up a year ago.....I'm thinking that if she was going to report this she would have done so by now, and quite possibly she may be in another relationship by now and wouldn't want all this to come out........put it down as part of growing up and valuable life lessons learnt!

[alaskasky44]

No matter, I guess that if necessary her family would confirm you were in a relationship.

I've gone back and put some line breaks in your op (however I've not edited any of the wording) quite useful really as I'd missed that you'd split up a year ago.....I'm thinking that if she was going to report this she would have done so by now, and quite possibly she may be in another relationship by now and wouldn't want all this to come out........put it down as part of growing up and valuable life lessons learnt!

Hi sorry for the late reply and thank you for the help, it was two years ago now when everything finally ended but i still get nervous it would come up when i am older.

[Franticwithworry]

Sorry I've only just seen this or I would have responded sooner but there's not a lot I can add to casehardened's very good assessment. I understand that it's very unsettling to wonder what this girl may and may not do, but given her age, I agree that she's more than likely moved on and is giving this much less thought than you are if any at all. The very best thing you can do is learn from the experience, but put it behind you as much as you can.

Best wishes!