5 years on... help for my partner

[Canterbury16]

Hello everyone, I have just found this forum after having a look online for support groups.
So I have had a look but I just wanted some advice, my partner was accused of rape before I met him, it went to trial and he was found not guilty. He was however found guilty of assault and went to prison for 77 days.
Since then, its been 5 years, I met him two years ago. It is still having a massive effect on his life, we have moved away now from where he used to live but when we have to go back there to see family he gets visibly upset and it makes him cry sometimes (he never usually cries) I am really trying to support him but I am unsure what else to do.
What have you been like 5 years on since it happened? He is gutted his name was spread around the town and that he feels he still even has to explain himself even now. Does anyone have any advice for us? I just don’t want this accusation to still be infringing on his life 5 years on.

[Peter1975]

Hello and welcome to DM Canterbury although it is always sad to see new posters here.

You will find many that have documented their journeys here and none of them are happy tales, even if there is the right verdict. Many have said that being accused has changed them forever.. Personally I think there's a choice to be made about how much more of your life you allow being accused to take from you but it can take some time and many suffer some form of PTSD which may be your other halves case.

One would hope that as memories fade, so too would the trauma but some things take time to work themselves out. It sounds to me like some sort of counselling might possibly be beneficial but getting busy making happy new memories would probably be the best solution and might leave him feeling better about dealing with the triggers and the odd gossip when he has to visit his parents.

I don't think there is a quick fix sadly but I know the majority do manage to put it behind them and live their lives.

I would hope others will come along soon with better answers

[Franticwithworry]

Hello canterbury16. I'm sorry to hear you here but glad you found us. Like Peter1975, I think that exploring the possibility of some counselling would be helpful. It sounds as though your partner is suffering from PTSD, quite a common thing for people falsely accused, but I'm not medically qualified, so a visit to his GP would be a first step in getting a solution.

There IS help available and 5 years is a long time for him to be suffering. I hope he's receptive to that. It can be hard to even make the first step for someone who's been struggling for so long. That said, self help is useful. As Peter1075 says, making new memories can help, as can things like meditation or yoga or even finding a new interest or hobby.

I hope some of this helps and wish you both all the best for a better future. It's good that he has your love and support too.