Hard to oncentrate on daily life without worrying about eventual outcome

[Stressed out mother]

As poosted on my other threaads, my son has been accused and now charged on two counts of rape and one of sexual assault. He goes to the magistrates court in just over a weeks time.
He seems to manage to put it all to the back of his mind, as do his father and brother. I, on the other hand have it at the front of my mind virtuallyall the time. Whether its because the girl who has made these accusations actually lived under our roof for months, with us feeding, clothing her due to the fact that she said her mother had thrown her onto the streets and previous boyfriendhad been violent.
This accusation feels personal, as if not ony is she attempting to ruin my sons life but mine as well. I find myself on the verge of tears a lot of the time and i am not one to cry easily.
I really dont know how to keep positive, when all I can see is the worst case scenario.
Yes solicitor seemed confident, but having said that he. Is alsosurprised by the fact it has gone this far.
How do all the parents/parteners cope? I have only spoken about what is happening to two friends as dont want it getting round via the gossip mill, the friends who know are not local to us. But even having spoken to friends i have nt verbalised my deepest worry about the possibility of jail.
Up to ths I he always been the go to person who sorts out any family problem. I think the trouble is that its all out of my control and that until we see her actual commens there is little ware able to do than sit and wait.
This forum is a blessing and a curse! A blessing due to the help, support and the information of what to epect. However a curse because now i really know what an uphill journey we all have to face.

[Franticwithworry]

As poosted on my other threaads, my son has been accused and now charged on two counts of rape and one of sexual assault. He goes to the magistrates court in just over a weeks time.
He seems to manage to put it all to the back of his mind, as do his father and brother. I, on the other hand have it at the front of my mind virtuallyall the time. Whether its because the girl who has made these accusations actually lived under our roof for months, with us feeding, clothing her due to the fact that she said her mother had thrown her onto the streets and previous boyfriendhad been violent.
This accusation feels personal, as if not ony is she attempting to ruin my sons life but mine as well. I find myself on the verge of tears a lot of the time and i am not one to cry easily.
I really dont know how to keep positive, when all I can see is the worst case scenario.
Yes solicitor seemed confident, but having said that he. Is alsosurprised by the fact it has gone this far.
How do all the parents/parteners cope? I have only spoken about what is happening to two friends as dont want it getting round via the gossip mill, the friends who know are not local to us. But even having spoken to friends i have nt verbalised my deepest worry about the possibility of jail.
Up to ths I he always been the go to person who sorts out any family problem. I think the trouble is that its all out of my control and that until we see her actual commens there is little ware able to do than sit and wait.
This forum is a blessing and a curse! A blessing due to the help, support and the information of what to epect. However a curse because now i really know what an uphill journey we all have to face.

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Remember you are still in shock at the news of a charge. It's a new event and a new trauma, however much you thought you were used to things up to now or prepared for this.Inability to concentrate and constant tears/feeling emotional are a normal reaction. Please give yourself a little time to recover and don't expect too much of yourself too soon.

You're quite right, there's not a lot you can do until you get some disclosure and that will be after the magistrates hearing. It may help you to know that our solicitor said the same sorts of things regarding the first accusation we had to deal with. We got to the day of the trial and it was halted before we got in the courtroom. We left the courthouse with no trial and no verdict, the case vanishing into the records room. Now, I'm not suggesting that the same will happen for your son, I can't say that, but look at all the ng verdicts on here too. Jail is NOT a foregone conclusion. That's the blessing of seeing how things work on here. :-)

Sadly, it feels personal because it is personal, and that is hard to come to terms with, but please remember, even when charged, jail us not the most likely outcome for a false accusation, especially when the case is well prepared and put forward by a good legal team. Goodness knows, it's possible, but don't focus on that. Try to focus on the many more ng verdicts.

Your husband and boys putting things to the back of their minds and you having it at the forefront of yours is all too common, I think. It seems that the women do much of the worrying and their men do much of the burying. Not exclusively of course, but enough for it not to be unusual. We all have our coping strategies. Yours - and mine - is to worry and fret and want everything done and resolved and have answers NOW!! Hopefully, like me, you will get to the point of being able to put certain worries in a box and shut the lid sometimes. Worrying 24/7 is exhausting!! :-) But your right, it's out of your control, you have to wait for certain things to happen and accepting that will help calm you.

The magistrates court us a formality and Peter1975 has lots of good advice and support to offer regarding this. He may well come in here to comment, and feel free to look for his other posts too.

You have done well to get this far and some say that getting through the court ordeal is actually the home stretch. Please be kind to yourself and let the shock run its course over the next little while. There is every reason to believe that your anguish will settle and feel more manageable soon.

Keep posting here. There is lots of support to be had.

[Peter1975]

Hi stressed out mother,

Frantic is spot on with her post as usual and it does seem that we blokes like to bury our heads and leave the worrying to the ladies in our lives. As I live on my own and had broken up with my GF at the time of my own allegations I had to do my own worrying as well as working, cooking and cleaning but the isolation worked well for me as I hate being forced to talk about it, this was where the daftmoo and the old pafaa forum came in as I could learn at my own pace. I just ignored my poor mums phone calls most of the time. Maybe thats a man thing, our way of coping with stress and worry.

FWW is always right and the magistrates is nothing much to worry about, it is just a step in the journey. My main advice is to take change for vending machines and car parks and leave pen knives and sharp objects at home or they will be confiscated.

You will have a meeting in a side room with the solicitor before the hearing so take a notebook with you with any questions or information you have for the solicitor and take notes while you are in the meeting. You will hopefully get a look at the accusers statement if the cps has sent it to your solicitor in time and you will get a copy in due course.

I know that fear of the unknown can be dreadful so if there is anything you want to know please ask, we will all help if we can.

[Franticwithworry]

Oh, Peter! Your poor Mum!! I hope you've explained and given her a BIG hug!