Anybody else paranoid about being falsely accused?

[worriedsickincanada]

Hey everyone.

I'll open up by saying that, as a child, I was sexually molested by other children from both genders. I've since worked through the vast majority of the trouble it has caused me and I'm pretty much recovered.

However, for whatever reason, the possibility that someone could falsely accuse me of raping or sexually assaulting them, or sexually molesting a child relative of theirs, has always been in the back of my mind for no particular reason. I have no inclination to rape or sexually assault somebody, and I am not a pedophile.

This is potentially cased by to the age-old myth in our society that male victims of sexual abuse are "automatically turned into rapists and pedophiles" but I've been paranoid about this possibility even before being aware of that myth about male sexual abuse.

The possibility that a woman who I could have sex with (I have been abstinent and avoided relationships since these sexual abuses happened) could betray me out of the blue with a false rape accusation, is, to say the least, horrifying. And this is especially given the fact that I myself was ACTUALLY sexually abused when she WAS NOT.

I'm in Canada but no forum boards for Canadian men who are falsely accused of rape exist to the best of my knowledge and my own personal searches on Google.

I think the law in our country is the old "She said; he said", meaning her testimony may be enough to falsely convict a man of sexual assault (which is what rape is classified under here) and that is petrifying.

I'm just paranoid that the first woman I have consensual sex with won't think twice about ****ing me over by making false rape accusations if our relationship goes south. It really does tap into the innate fear that I've seemingly always had since my own sexual abuses happened.

Now I grew up in an environment of aggression, abuse and violence within a home and family setting to a degree. I've been put through child abuse, child neglect, domestic abuse and domestic violence. I've been the aggressor, witness and victim of verbal and physical bullying, and I'm quite ashamed of my role as the aggressor despite my apologies to my six or so past victims.

With the above being said...

I'm very confident in being able to figure out mentally and emotionally disturbed individuals as I possess the emotional and social intelligence to do so, as well as my own self education in the psychological dynamics of dysfunctional families and abusive interpersonal relationships. I've grown up around people with clinically diagnosed psychiatric illnesses and disorders such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety and depression. I have reason to believe that a certain degree of Narcissistic personality disorder through my own research into the personality disorder exists within my biological family, but it has never been looked into by mental health professionals.

I've got the introspective ability and high self awareness to accurately read my own emotions, feelings and thoughts at any given time.

So, I don't think it'll be difficult for me to find a woman out who will betray me in such a manner. I think I'll be able to see it coming in any given case, unless they are a highly manipulative person among the calibre of sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists. I don't drink, smoke tobacco, smoke weed, consume hard drugs and I do not engage in one night stands and flings with people who I hardly know. I have a strong support network in my social life at the moment. I'm also well on my way to enlisting in the Canadian military.

But, even that doesn't soothe my innate fears because I'm troubled with the possibilities of "any woman can do it to you for no reason", "she can just slip through the cracks in your social life", "she just has to be mad at you for breaking up with her" and etc.

I'm not in any legal trouble or anything like that at the moment, and I've never even been on a formal date because of how the sexual abuses turned me abstinent and down the road of avoiding romantic and sexual relationships with women. I've got female friends, and we're close in the sense that we both confide very personal things with each other all the time, but that's it.

So, with all that's being said... does anybody else share my paranoia and fears? Does anybody else have any experiences of where they were the ACTUAL victims of sexual abuse until a LIAR accused them of sexually abusing?

If this actually happened to me then I would be horrified yet enraged at the same time because it'd be like an ultimate affront to me. I despise violent rapists, child molesters and false sexual abuse accusers so this would be a huge affront.

[experience3]

wow!

I say wow because this is the first post I have seen that AHEAD of any complaint, someone seems to aware of the risks, in a way that I am now but previously were not.

I do appreciate what you are saying that someone with a history of being abused is (so they say) statistically more likely to abuse, however to be frank I would not let that put you off.

Whilst it is true that there is a lot more false allegations out there than is acknowledged, and it is also true that women (demographically) make these False allegations for a number of reasons, money, attention, mental illness, custody leverage etc etc, the fact is that walking around living your everyday life you are at risk.

For example, whilst it is true that an awful lot of allegations come down to a question of consent, that is not always so. In my particular case, though I am falsely accused of rape, there was in fact no sex. In point of fact I was not there at the time. A false allegation does not have to be a woman as you allude to changing her mind about consent after the event.

Obviously Canadian Law is fundamentally based upon British Law. Whilst I am obviously no expert on Canadian Law, I am wise enough to know that the issue in the UK is not so much the law as the way it is applied by the police and other relevant authorities who seem to have very easily abandoned their "sense of fair play" without caring too much about the negative consequences of that. I do hope that in Canada they have not so easily/completely abandoned these fundamental principles.

All I can really advise you is to go live our life, the fact is sex is well er, pretty great, and you should not live your life without it because of fear. That said, there are certain things I would advise against an man doing in the current climate which sadly including teaching and volunteering for a youth organisation (I couldn't advise a woman to do it either but would concede it is less risky).

The comfort I draw upon as an accused person is that in the real real final analysis, it isn't about law, law enforcement, reputation, prison or all of the other things we constantly think about all day every day whilst falsely accused (however valid those concerns). In the end it is can you live with yourself and at night I sleep just fine

[can it get worse]

Wow again - two very eloquent posts. I will not be able to match such good communication but must offer my deep sympathy to your childhood experiences and it's lasting impact on you.

I can only echo the reply below but acknowledge the difficulties you are feeling.

I am not going to continue because I cannot add any thing else of similar quality but I do hope you will feel encouraged and gain strength to build upon the life you want.

Best Wishes.