Its tearing me apart

[TonyK]

Hi I know you have heard it before but my experience is totally bewildering.

I met a women 6 weeks ago she was vivacious outgoing broadminded and a vixen in bed. She turned my head and I was smitten she was 48 I'm 54 and need someone to share memories with. Before long I found she had an appetite for sex far greater than mine I didn't mind I enjoyed it using various marital toys to pleasure her we were inseparable. She would drink wine each evening often drinking 2 bottles and she was a crackpot when drunk often saying she has found God and if I didn't match up in the bedroom she would walk on by ?

She often did things that not only showed her up it shown me up and her close friends. One particular visit to a pub she started swearing she was drunk and loud people were looking and tutting and I found I couldn't be with her so I told her it was over and I would drop her off home she cried but I was adamant that she drank too much and I wasn't suitable for her.

That was Sunday at 730pm then on the Monday she went to the police and alleged that I had raped her. She said that I had drugged her and had sex with her and took photos whilst she was unconscious I had taken photos before which I had done with her consent and we both found it a turn on. This was supposed to have happened on the Wednesday previous and we had sex Thursday Friday and Sunday before going to the pub which was normal and the same as it always was.

I was arrested at home whilst on my way to meet friends taken into custody and questioned for 2 hours I had no solicitor as I know I'm innocent so answered all the questions asked and although I know they believed my side of events they said I was to be given bail and have no contact with her directly or in directly they have seized my phone an PC they have my login for Facebook.

The hardest part is they took my grandchild's ages down and their Mums details and said they would inform Social services so I am not allowed to have my grandkids unattended. This is absurd I live for my kids and grandkids no one yet has contacted my daughters ????? I want to so much to speak to the women who made the allegation to try tell her how much this has had an affect on me but I cant I wish I could tell everyone her name I cant because even though she has done this I pity her she did not want me to go as she said I was the best thing ever to happen to her and I know she has done it because she is bitter that I left.

My whole family know as do friends and work colleagues as Ive told them all because I know and they know its a total lie I'm not built that way women are precious to me and I think of myself as a gentleman. What can I do ????????????

[Casehardened]

Hello Tony & welcome to the forum,

I've not altered any of your wording but just split the block of text up; this makes for easier reading and understanding

[Rights Fighter]

Thanks for separating that out CH. I couldn't read it before as it all gels into one mass of words.

If you are called in for another interview you really should have a solicitor with you. Not because you are guilty but because the police are under pressure to meet Government-set rape conviction targets and will easily twist something you say.

[Franticwithworry]

Hello TonyK, I'm so sorry to see you here but glad you found us. The best thing that you can do for yourself at the moment is get to grips with the idea that you are now embroiled in a system that will run its course. You have no control over it. We found it easier to deal with once we understood and accepted that.

There is nothing you can do about what is happening unless and until there is a charge. You can however, find out about good solicitors and pick someone you feel you can trust whocanbe set to work if a charge comes.

You can also visit here often for support as you sit out the inevitable wait. We are all here with the plan of helping one another. Mutual support is the most wonderful thing. :-)

[Broken-hearted]

Hi Tonyk just to echo what has been said above. Forum is great for support and I'm sure in time it will also be you offering support to others. I know it will not seem like it at the moment but things do get easier and sadly it can be a long process.

It is good that you have supportive family and friends around you. We too have social services involved although our scenario is very different to yours. I would hope that after an assessment because the allegations do not involve minors your risk assessment should reflect that and I hope will therefore not impact too greatly on your relationship with your grandchildren. All I can suggest as far as children's services is that if they do accept the referral then work with them as they will be there whether you like it or not and process runs smoother then. I do moan about mine often though to friends! They have best interests of your grandchildren at heart although I know it doesn't always feel that way.

Also agree with rights fighters advice of always having a solicitor with you if you are spoken to again it is not an admission of guilt having legal representation although again it can sometimes feel that way from what we see and hear. There are some good ones recommended on this site both legal aid and private. We have used Chris saltrese and partner had found him fantastic very supportive and to use his words (partners) - it feels like he actually gives a ****!

[Rights Fighter]

Chris cares very much. Most of the people who work for him have been hit by false allegations so they know exactly what it is like.