Having a f****** s*** day!

[Broken-hearted]

Nothing anyone can do to help unfortunately but I just wanted somewhere that I could jot down how I am feeling at the moment.

I am 3 weeks on after my daughter alleged that my long term partner who isn't her father has been sexually abusing her for over 4 years. He strongly denies it and has not wavered and she strongly states it happened and has also not wavered.

Police process is slow going and the weirdest thing I have been through. I have social services involved and have been pushed to go live with my daughter at my parents or face court orders. Yet still daily being back at my partners house to sort pets and to spend time there. And I currently feel like I am being ripped in two by two people whom I love. There is minimal support from the involved professionals and being a allied professional who works with children's services myself struggling with being under the microscope held by people I work alongside. I have to get another property with no money behind me and zero furniture to put in it.

This morning I have been on the end of a verbal lashing by my daughter then later this morning by my other half. And to top it all my job that I love I am unable to do as GP has signed me off. Feel I have lost all routine and purpose. Hardly any appetite, rubbish sleep despite strong medication prescribed by GP. Feel like my life has been ripped up and thrown into the wind and I am trying to grab what bits I can but will never be able to put it all back together. I just want to cry all the time and feel like packing a bag and sodding off somewhere away from it all with my pets and never coming back. So angry at everything feel all consumed with it and cannot see how things will get better. I got extensions on university work but that was only for 8 weeks and worried how I am going to get that done. Just flat out had enough.

Not sure i feel better for writing this but at least able to vent a bit.

[wakingnightmare]

Hello

I don't think I've commented on any of your other posts but I have been reading them.

You are in a hellish position made worse by your job, you don't need me to tell you that though.

You've got to remember it's still very early days and you're still in shock. The medication will need time to kick in. As an outsider looking in you don't have any real choice at this time but to be with your daughter & support her (that doesn't mean you have to believe her). Whatever the truth of the situation she needs support either because she has been abused or because she's troubled enough to make a false allegation. Could she have a reason to cause trouble? What has their relationship been like? Have you ever had a concern about your partner's behaviour to her?

Your partner must recognise you have no option as you'd loose her otherwise. I understand you're being forced to pick a side without knowing anything as I'm sure you can't talk to your daughter too much. You can support him from a distance still, I appreciate it's not ideal or what you want.

Being signed off work maybe a blessing as it takes you away from a highly pressurised environment and gives you time to focus on your daughter and yourself.

Do you need to move from your parents straight away? Could your partner move to friends and you stay in the family home or have SS said no. Right now you're overwhelmed because everything is coming at you at once, try to break it down into more manageable chunks and rather than think about long term just go a day at a time.

I wish there was something more useful I could say or do.

[YearsOfHell]

Well done.
Just wanted to say that.
You have voiced how you're feeling and that is great.
The situation can't be changed but your view can.
Maybe not today.
Maybe not for a while.
You're being torn in two. I can imagine a bit what that's like.
We treated our FA like a daughter and I loved her like a daughter.
When she made the allegations it was so hard.
I couldn't imagine her saying the things she was saying.
But she did.
I gave my OH every opportunity to come clean.
He remained adamant.
Eventually she tripped up and said that I knew, and that I had once caught them together!
That's when I knew she was lying.
But that took years to come out.
You will get through this and yes it's a terrible struggle.
Things will become clearer.
Take your time.
Prioritise what's important.
We wish life would pause while we get our heads round things but it doesn't, so you have to keep going.
You will have to carry on living so try and get things done.
You can't see it now but there will be a future, whatever happens.
And again, well done!
Keep voicing it.
You will get through it.
Big hugs
YoH

[Franticwithworry]

First of all a big internet hug -

You are in an impossible situation and I can only sympathise and agree with what's been said so far. I think it's awful that the authorities put so much pressure on people to do certain things and effectively blackmail them if they hesitate, with no thought of the trauma that it causes.

It does make a difference though given that your daughter is a minor, and the authorities need to see you jump through their hoops. I'm sorry to hear that your partner is having such a hard time with everything but that's to be expected too. He's no doubt completely floored by the accusation and the prospect that he might lose you too. Hopefully he will come to understand, and soon, that you have to be seen to support your daughter, even if you ultimately believe him and plan on continuing your relationship with him.

In the meantime, ****** day as this is, tomorrow will come and I hope it's a better day for you.

Is your partner registered on this site? Perhaps you could encourage him to sign up so that he can get some support here. Both of them yelling at you isn't helpful and you have every right to insist that they talk to you reasonably if they want to talk to you at all. Much easier said than done, I know.

[Broken-hearted]

Thank you

Thank you walking nightmare, years of hell and frantic with worry for your kind replies it really meant a lot. I am hoping today is going to be a better day! Everything crossed!

Not sure about daughter having a reason to cause trouble we were both concerned about a relationship she was in and tried to discuss with her which was met with resistance but she has separated from him recently in the aftermath of all this. We lose everything if this continues as house is in my partners name so will lose our home, finances will be tight as household income halved and more to pay out for which will mean she loses out on a lot of stuff she currently does although I'm not sure she understands he full implications of any of this. I have never had any concerns with behaviour between them or I would have acted sooner and removed her and myself from the situation as it was me who reported it when she told me after myself and parents talking to her about it for some time. They appeared to have a good relationship but now I am analysing every aspect of our life trying to find something which would support either sides story.

I don't have to move from my parents straightaway and could have stayed in the family home as it was the easier option with pets, location for school etc however he was not happy to move out. Social services don't care where me and daughter are as long as together but flitting between the two homes is stressor in itself so desperately now trying to save some money to try and sort a property for us.

With what social services say I do not know how continuing our relationship would be an option. Even if not enough to charge then unless something crops up in their work with her or him or either one admits they are lying then he will be classed as a risk to her in their eyes and they would not support her returning to family home. On top of this if they are saying he is a sex offender in their eyes then regardless of a court outcome saying as such if I stay in a relationship with him I would risk losing my job I say job it's been my vocation and has taken a good many years to build this career that I love, as they would say that if I cannot identify child abuse in my own home I am incapable of doing so at work.

I have tried multiple times to get him to join the site for some support but he is unwilling to do it. The only thing I have managed is to get him to the GP and to arrange an appointment with a counsellor who he is seeing soon.