How do you move on?

[Itsnotallbad]

Hello Users,

For those who have be aquitted;

The jury have returned a verdict,you've been found not guilty and suddenly you're a free man/woman. For a long time you thought everything would go back to normal. You don't feel relieved as the daunting prospect of rebuilding your life now appears.

As someone who's been through such an ordeal and got through it,how do you find the strength to pick yourself back up and rebuild your life?

How have you rebuilt your life?what steps did you take to rebuild it? Was it a fast process or slow?

It would be great to know as im sure there are plenty of silent members who will be in a similar situation and not knowing if how they feel is normal.

Thanks

[innocentson]

Slow and steady

Hi ; I can only speak as the mother of a falsely accused son. Relief and euphoria that innocence was proven initially. My son appears on the surface to be handling it very well ; he's managed to hang on to his career and whilst that's a relief, it means we don't see a lot of him but when he visits I see a difference eg slightly less "spark" and a little subdued compared to previously. I've noticed he's trying to cram a lot of things into his life very quickly too .... And I don't think he will ever really get over how the police treated him. I gather nightmare on occasion (his girlfriend tells me) he won't worry me by sharing that.... But then I know his father also suffers from brooding over it and I too still have nightmares and think I'm back in court awaiting the verdict.

I think it takes time : so one day at a time ... But recently Ive found I can go a whole week without thinking of it or reliving it. ... Until I see something in the news that sounds similar to our case...
Lord knows there seems to be loads if them

I hope you get your life back on track soon and wish you the very best for the future

[Rights Fighter]

Often asked that question........

Being NFAd or better still found NG doesn't mean that the sun wil keep shining and the champagne corks will keep popping.

There will be wild mood swings from totoally and utterly despairing to swinging from the lamp posts.

It's all perfectly normal for the abnormal situation you are in. If it becomes unbearable see your GP.

[slowdown73]

Moving on takes time which is a healer in itself but I also believe after experiencing all the trauma associated with being falsely accused that long term therapy is often needed to properly aid recovery. I've had 18 months of counselling. At times it was very upsetting but it's helped so much and don't think I would have coped half as well through such a difficult patch in my life.

I received an NFA nearly 9 months ago. My ordeal has affected me in many different ways but what it has done is make me appreciate my life more and not take things for granted. I've made a number of changes which all have been positive including leaving a job I was unhappy in, losing weight, decorating my flat and reevaluating a number of my relationships with others. I'm starting university in September to change career. I couldn't stay in my old job which involved working in the criminal justice system as the whole experience of being falsely accused and the way the police treated me has made me question so many things about our legal system and I cannot support a system which operates like that.

Part of my healing has also entailed getting away and taking some breaks and spending time with people who matter to me and doing things which in the past I haven't had time to do due to other commitments.

I have also made three massive complaints against the Police and finally received an apology and some kind of acknowledgement that I was treated very poorly by the Police. Furthermore, due to my persistence my accuser has now been arrested in relation to making false allegations and this has given me some sense of justice although it's certainly not over yet because he hasn't been charged or convicted yet.

My experience of being falsely accused has been horrible but I've come out a stronger person and value my life a lot more and will continue to define me in a positive way in the future.

[carrot tops]

I'm the mother of a son who is now 2 years past getting his not guilty.

Being completely honest, I'm waiting for him to hit a major meltdown. I think he is coping with it with drink a lot of the time, and I suspect drugs. From the outside I can see the foolishness of that, but logically I know we all find something to get us through or numb the pain.

I've completely lost a daughter through this, but I have very much lost a son too. Son moved out earlier this year as we got to the point of asking him to leave. He's sharing a place with a mate but the drinking culture is really just adding a problem. We see him occasionally but he feels disconnected from me, other family members feel the distance from him too.

He has managed to keep his job but doesn't like his boss. He's thinking of packing it in and taking a less well paid job. We're going to have to make it clear he can't move back here if he loses his accommodation. I think our different lifestyles under the same roof would cause too much tension. I would love to be able to micro manage every bit of his life.

As a mother I feel that underneath all the problems piled on top of the trauma of the trial, my empathetic, loving, open , honest boy is still there. I have no idea how to get to him.He has had a few girlfriends in the last few years. The relationships have failed and he fluctuates between wanting and not wanting a relationship. He says he's depressed. He says work is the issue, as if getting a different job will make it all better. I'm sceptical. He talks about moving away to a different part of the country and I think about how hard it will be to help him when it does all fall apart.

I think he feels like an utter failure. He's not proud of some of his coping mechanisms and beats himself up over that. Ironically the self loathing seems to push him further into the behaviours he regrets. I wish the shared pain we have could help us work though our issues ( I think I'm much more healed (?) than he is) but unfortunately it feels like the contact we have can so easily remind us of that horrible horrible time.