What this feels like

[2tea2]

People on this forum describe being falsely accused as 'an emotional roller coaster' . This is a term I have heard and used with no idea what it means. Now I know. The shock and numbness at the start, and then as you realize what the implications could be in terms of jobs, CRB checks, months of uncertainty, jail......
I had to sleep in the same room as my teenaged son (the falsely accused), because I was scared to leave him; didn't want him to suffer the long night of the soul - insomnia; anxiety;worry - on his own.
Then for some reason, we got onto a real high; we know he's innocent; she's clearly being malicious - we won't be dragged down etc etc - rise above it; and got on with life as normal (ish) for a few days - even elation for some strange reason. Then down we've gone again - and I've taken him to the doctors - for diazepam. He's normal again now - even doing some exam revision.
The Doctor was very sympathetic - has seen it before - many times. Good God.

I worry for him (what might happen to him); but also worry about what this is all doing to him now. I'm seein the doctor myself this afternoon for the same reasons. I have to work.
Has anyone else had the lows but also the elation - I thought it a bit odd.

[Rights Fighter]

It's all perfectly normal for the abnormal situation you find yourselves in. You will get through this.

[wakingnightmare]

Hello

Sorry you & your son have found yourselves here. I've been reading your posts but haven't commented before now.

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I often think I live in two worlds now, the 'real' world where I function as usual and this hideously surreal world where bail dates loom. Chasing up historical paperwork becomes all consuming and timelines rule! There are periods of functioning as normal and then out of the blue this wave of fear hits and you feel like you're drowning. I'm supporting an Ex, hoping he won't be charged, fearing it's inevitable and looking at everything I find asking myself would a jury look favourably on it.

Your emotions will settle down, the knot of panic subsides and you do learn to 'live' with it.

I'd no idea this world existed until we were thrust into it. I will never understand the unspeakable evil that is wreaked on the lifes of those falsely accused.

There are lots of lovely friendly supportive folks here. Keep posting x

[Franticwithworry]

To answer your question - yes. I am up for a few days, then down. Elated on occasion, thinking this can't possibly end up in charges, the allegations are so ridiculous, then down in the depths because it does for others. My man is the same and sometimes we share the same mood and sometimes not.

We are months into this with no sign of it ending, but it helps to know that others are dealing with the same thing and we are not alone, and it helps me to encourage others. It's also good to see and gives hope when others get NFA letters or acquittals.

I've avoided going to the doctors for anxiety tablets so far, but it's clear the stress is impacting our health in other ways that we are having to monitor. It's a constant battle to keep on an even keel, but hang in there, others' experiences show that it does get better more even emotionally in time, and you and your son will come out the other side of this.

[2tea2]

Thanks for those sensitive and caring replies. Like being hit by a sudden tidal wave of horror is about right! I can go with the ral world/surreal world thing too. It makes me feel I'm not on my own - less and less so the more research we do. It's that: "who could possibly believe her - I know it didn't happen, I was there, it's ridiculous" to the "what if everyone believes her and my son is jailed". Both possibilities existing in the head at the same time.
I'll try to be as helpful to others on here as others have been to me - when I get my head screwed on!

[carrot tops]

So sorry to hear what you're going through. My adopted daughter accused my birth son of rape. It went all the way to court and he was found unanimously not guilty within an hour. If a jury can decide so easily it really does make me wonder how on earth the CPS thought it had a 51%+ chance of conviction. We live in a mad mad world.

I hope it doesn't go that far for you, that common sense kicks in sooner. However if it does go as far as our case did I want to tell you you can survive this.

My son and I have always had a good relationship. He was 19 when accused (historic). I was so worried about how he was leading up to the trial. He coped in ways that were not the best ways to cope, but I can understand him needing to do all he could to avoid facing the fear of jail if found guilty. I wanted him to talk out his fears with me, he wanted to blot out his feelings. He had a good group of mates and we barely saw him as he spent most of his time with them.

I was a wreck myself for a while after we put daughter back in to care, went through hell with social services and then as revenge she made the false allegations. I so wanted to be a rock for my son, but my own grief, worry , fear etc were too much to deal with. My son kept saying he was ok. He was worried about me so acted as if everything was fine.

What I'm trying to say is that sometimes because we love our sons so much and they love us, one side or the other pulls away because it hurts to see the others pain. Maybe the male / female dynamic comes in to play too. I tend to talk though my feelings. Some men will feel talking doesn't bring a solution so why bother.

I think swings in emotions are understandable. There were so many times I thought, this really can't be happening, I will wake up soon. Not sure if there is counselling available for either of you, but that could help. Exercise and a healthy diet can help too. Knowing you're not alone helps.

I'm pretty convinced my daughter has mental health issues ( possibly borderline personality disorder) and the system really did her no favours by being so naive and gullible and taking a ridiculous case to court. I hope now as we are seeing more media coverage of false allegations that the police /CPS will start engaging their brain cells and apply their own guidelines.

Wishing you all the best and hoping this ordeal will end soon for you and your son