Coping- or not

[AmandaF]

I just want to have a rant and find out how others cope with the ongoing effects of false allegations/ wrongful convictions.

i had an almighty bust up with my eldest daughter yesterday- she has 2 kids aged 5 and 8.
She basically said i have to choose between them and my OH who is released on license at the end of this month.
She's a bit like a certain person on here, who believes that all those accused of something must be guilty and those convicted never suffer an MOJ.
It all started after I posted a link on FB to the Justice GAp article- They can't all be making it up. She says I'm stupid and naive and her kids are not allowed to be anywhere near him. Funny she wasn't bothered last year when he was on bail and the kids were all over him as they always were. If she thought something was wrong, she's such a gobby cow she would have said something..
So here I am, wondering how the hell I can keep walking down this lonely road. How many more sacrifices will there be?

I came back to my native Yorkshire to be near family- I wish I'd never bothered. I was better thought of in the village where our home was because everybody knew what our FA's were about.

All I can think is I can afford to retire in about 5 years time. I'll have enough in my pension pot to buy a flat in Turkey and a cheap residential caravan and become a hermit.

Another nail in the coffin.

What would YOU do??

[slowdown73]

False allegations can have a massive impact on all parts of your life. When I was waiting for my outcome, it had a tremendous strain on my emotional and mental health. Me and my partner weren't getting on very well and nearly split up. I had problems in my job due to the nature of work that I do which meant my role had to be changed. My confidence and self esteem were completely undermined. These are just a couple of examples of how it affected me and I am sure there are lots more.

The most important thing is you get support from people around you. Not everyone will be supportive and this depends on your situation. I was lucky as most of my friends and family were very supportive apart from one individual who I no longer have anything to do with. I was also accessing counselling/therapy and am continuing to receive therapy due to the on going trauma I have suffered. It can take people a very long time to deal with the aftermath of such a painful and difficult time in your life. Its important you look after yourself and eat properly, sleep, relax and do physical activity. I know these things often get neglected during times of distress but they will help you to remain more resilient.

I have also been on a couple of good holidays which have helped me to start my recovery although not everyone will be in a financial position to be able to do this. Its important you try to remain some kind of "normality" in your life and don't let the situation completely control and destroy your life.

[Shah]

Sending you hugs as I know your awesome!

I'm still the same wish we could sell up and live in another country.. as you say it just goes on and on and probably will for the rest of our days...
If anyone thought my son was guilty they would be slapped down but lots of people know us etc etc and so far there has been nothing which is good.

I so feel for you as we are trying to fight an unwinnable battle it's making me extremely depressed right now be 3 weeks tomorrow .. at least he will be *home* where ever that is hold on to that xxxxxxxxx

Welcome slowdown 73 very well put....

[Rights Fighter]

Move down here! You'd have support and the suns shines more often than in other parts of the country.....

[AmandaF]

Well......my Oh is going to Huntingdon!

What do others do ? In the face of what feels like emotional bribery- him or me?

I had a conversation with my friend who lives in the next town to where we lived this morning. She told me that the ringleader of our FA's was also abused by the father of 3 of our FA's along with his sister and foster sister. (It's getting late- just finished work so sorry if incoherent) So- he was ok not to tell about his friend's dad- who was actually abusing them, but made false allegations against OH- who wasn't??
You couldn't make it up.
Contacted sol- he said the case was going to an appeal advocate- whatever that is. I just don't want to get my hopes up

In the meantime. I must be £150,000 in debt now. Have lost contact with 2 of my grandkids, have become a virtual recluse, am diabetic, suffer from panic attacks.
I have no more tears to shed- the only emotion I feel is anger.

And it ain't over yet

[Casehardened]

i had an almighty bust up with my eldest daughter yesterday- she has 2 kids aged 5 and 8.
She basically said i have to choose between them and my OH who is released on license at the end of this month.

I'm so sorry to hear this but I was wondering if perhaps she has had no choice?

If he is on license do you think it is SS who have made this stipulation to her?

[Shah]

Well......my Oh is going to Huntingdon!

What do others do ? In the face of what feels like emotional bribery- him or me?

I had a conversation with my friend who lives in the next town to where we lived this morning. She told me that the ringleader of our FA's was also abused by the father of 3 of our FA's along with his sister and foster sister. (It's getting late- just finished work so sorry if incoherent) So- he was ok not to tell about his friend's dad- who was actually abusing them, but made false allegations against OH- who wasn't??
You couldn't make it up.
Contacted sol- he said the case was going to an appeal advocate- whatever that is. I just don't want to get my hopes up

In the meantime. I must be £150,000 in debt now. Have lost contact with 2 of my grandkids, have become a virtual recluse, am diabetic, suffer from panic attacks.
I have no more tears to shed- the only emotion I feel is anger.

And it ain't over yet

Oh hun I'm so sorry don't know what to say I really feel for you. All I feel is anger more than anything else so I know where you are coming from.. seems they can just *make it up* and the justice system goes along with it sod the innocent people who have no rights!! They can do what they like..........

[Shah]

Like I said I think your awesome........ something will happen eventually........


When on when is this country going to wake up to what's happening to people innocent people and their families. ..

[innocentson]

The system is so corrupt & f/up..... because of the incompetents that run it ...
Which is bad enough but the situation with your daughter's decision must be unbearable for you Amanda

I can't think of anything that would help, other than to hope giving her some time and distance may help her to re consider. Has she seen this forum ? Maybe if she reads the volume and nature of the huge number of false allegations .... It might make her less nieve in her beliefs ? Just a thought

Sending you hugs

[Rights Fighter]

AmandaF: your hubby is being moved to HMP Littlehey in Huntingdon? I thought he was in a Scots prison. Are there no C cat prisons with VP wings near to you???

(~Actually there are, but that would be too easy for them.....)

[AmandaF]

No that's it - custodial part over.

He's returning to his friend's house who put him up when he was on bail, three years on license now.
Probation are being difficult and saying he can't see my grandson- who he did a very good job of bringing up- until they have done their own investigation.
I've just spent 18 months being assessed by SS in Sheffield and their conclusions were that he could have unlimited supervised contact (by me) , just no overnight stays initially, which tbh I thought was quite reasonable.

I just feel as though by continuing to stay with him, I'm losing everything else and I just hope I don't become resentful. I doubt I will but losing contact with my grandkids is a bit hard to bear. CH- my daughter's a bit dictatorial so she made the decision.

When he was first arrested and charged, I didn't just blindly say he wasn't guilty- I looked at our lives, our relationship- everything. Searched his phone, laptop..... I hoped and prayed for proof of innocence- I even prayed for proof of guilt so I could walk away from it all.
but the trial convinced me 1000% he had absolutely not committed these crimes. What I have now is purgatory- supporting an innocent, convicted man.

I googled "appeal advocate" - I really don't want to get my hopes up but ............

RF- I shall be snooping on FB later.

Thanks for all your supportive comments- it is really only us who have any idea what a hell this is

[Staystrong1]

Well done

Hi Amanda

Have read a number of your posts and just wanted To say well done for keeping on going through your awful ordeal. You must have remarkable strength to be where you are today. I hope you can resolve things with your daughter, its incredibly hard for you all. Sending positive thoughts to you and hoping some happiness will come back into your life.

[can it get worse]

Hi AF - I feel for you so much. I feel I have nothing constructive to add which gives you real encouragement but I think of your circumstances often and feel helpless to offer guidance and real support.

You have had to cope with so much upset and sadness - it is unbearable to imagine what / how you must feel. But you are a brilliant strong person (I'm sure you don't feel it) and someone who has offered unlimited support to others.

I admire your continued presence on here. And send you strength to recover from this hell which has been thrust upon you.