Cloudy with a chance of storm showers.

[karmaiscoming]

Well this feels like how my weekend has been.

Came home from work yesterday bouncing around and my husband was so agitated. He works night shifts but he had plenty of rest yesterday and had nothing to do in the day time so I was a bit confused.

I made a comment about something and he just snapped at me, he was so angry. I then got upset because we were just talking in general and I didn't say anything out of the ordinary.

He calmed down and apologised, he said he took my comment the wrong way and he hasn't been sleeping well as he is having nightmares a lot recently. He also said that when he sits at home with nothing to do in the day he then just starts thinking about everything.

I suppose I forget this sometimes and as I have a good support network at work and I come here a lot it takes some pressure from me. He has said before he likes to keep busy in the day to keep his mind busy.

This is just a reminder that sometimes the quietest days can be the worse. And that sometimes anger comes from other places.

Hope everybody is well.

[AmandaF]

Has he thought about getting any counselling himself? Sometimes I think it's not always appropriate- when I went initially I felt the poor bloke couldn't get me out of the door fast enough, so complex and mind boggling was the tale. Sometimes tho just chucking the burden on somebody else , even for a brief moment, can be useful. That said, tbh I find this forum more helpful as we're all in the same boat pretty much and can really really understand how this all feels

[karmaiscoming]

Has he thought about getting any counselling himself? Sometimes I think it's not always appropriate- when I went initially I felt the poor bloke couldn't get me out of the door fast enough, so complex and mind boggling was the tale. Sometimes tho just chucking the burden on somebody else , even for a brief moment, can be useful. That said, tbh I find this forum more helpful as we're all in the same boat pretty much and can really really understand how this all feels

He was offered counselling I believe through his GP but he completely brushed it away, from how he has grown up men do not talk feelings. I tried a few times to get him to consider it and he won't even hear me out on it. I've said to him he can talk to me about anything he wants and I'll just listen but he said it's sometimes to difficult to say it all out loud because it seems so real then.

For me I find reading through this forum gets me through some rough bits when my mind is all over the place but with him he keeps it inside mulling it all over again and again.

His bail conditions are that he can not go home, he has let somebody stay there whilst we stay with a very kind friend who took him in and then me as well so I could be with him. A trusted person checked in our flat yesterday to see how things are and he said the flat is a state, the person staying there is really messy (which obviously we didn't know) and ruining it. My husband is in bits, I know it's only a flat at the end of the day and we have bigger problems but he says he feels like he's losing everything now.

We will hopefully take 2 days away to stay out of town and get a break, I know he always feels so much happier when we get away for a little bit.

[AmandaF]

Has he considered writing it out? Nobody has to see it but him. The unfortunate thing is, the situation is real and I found going over and over made things far worse as the situation itself got bleaker and bleaker by the minute. It was only when I started to write things out- statements, time lines, anything that I began to feel I could take any control .
We had to live apart too- I was "banned" from my house after facing my own charges, literally put on the streets by the courts with a 10 year old, having only the clothes we stood up in. Our house was the vandalised and graffitied and is now about to be repossessed as I couldn't pay the mortgage and rent somewhere else. Although my case was dismissed, I could never return. I had to give up my job and move back to Yorkshire just to be near family and friends. If I went anywhere , even shopping, I would bump into the people who accused me and they would ridicule, pointing fingers and laughing. Got to the point where I just had to leave. Sorry for ranting btw!!
Enjoy your break- it's so important just to have some time away and be "normal" again.

[karmaiscoming]

Has he considered writing it out? Nobody has to see it but him. The unfortunate thing is, the situation is real and I found going over and over made things far worse as the situation itself got bleaker and bleaker by the minute. It was only when I started to write things out- statements, time lines, anything that I began to feel I could take any control .
We had to live apart too- I was "banned" from my house after facing my own charges, literally put on the streets by the courts with a 10 year old, having only the clothes we stood up in. Our house was the vandalised and graffitied and is now about to be repossessed as I couldn't pay the mortgage and rent somewhere else. Although my case was dismissed, I could never return. I had to give up my job and move back to Yorkshire just to be near family and friends. If I went anywhere , even shopping, I would bump into the people who accused me and they would ridicule, pointing fingers and laughing. Got to the point where I just had to leave. Sorry for ranting btw!!
Enjoy your break- it's so important just to have some time away and be "normal" again.

Don't apologise for ranting! I'm really sorry for your situation, it sounds very painful and a lot to take on. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be put on the street with a child as well, it's very unfair treatment. Our flat is currently messed up but it would break my heart if it was graffiti as well, I don't know how you got through that.

I do wonder if my husband will ever be allowed to return home even if we get the verdict we need. I have tried to drop in sometimes that maybe we should let the flat go, it will probably be bad memories anyway if we are allowed to to go back.

It's horrible to see her around, I hope when this is over we can move somewhere else. She comes in to my work place sometimes but she has never seen me there as I always run out the back. When I see her chatting and living a 'normal' life whilst we are all over the place is too much sometimes.

What I do find now is that when we do something really small, like even go out for dessert, it seems like the best thing in the world, this has all made me really appreciate the small things definitely.

[AmandaF]

Hmmm..... sorry! I'm having a bad day!!!! I'll reply to your pm when I'm a bit less negative. I thought long and hard about keeping our house going- it had been our home for ten years, but there were just too many issues. The sad thing is most people in the village supported us and didn't really take the accusations made against us on board, but my grandson couldn't return as he would not be able to have anything to do with his former friends and I hate to think what would have happened if he had to go high school there. Small town, small mentality.
Surely there can be no reason that you cannot be together again? It's always more complicated when there are children involved but if he's acquitted , the case is dropped or whatever ?? This is why I'm so glad me and mine kept going because I hope and pray that one day we can have our stable little family back together. Sooooo many things came to light during and after the trial that I pray that he gets the chance to have his appeal heard .

And yes, it is the small things that become important in life.

I hope it all works out well