Is it advisable to recommend relaxation techniques and when is it appropriate to be harsh with people?

[lawlessone2009]

BAN EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Variety is the spice of life. Sometimes harsh words do more good than pussy footing around with soft phrases. There are plenty people on here, including me, that need a good boot up the behind from time to time. It's the nature of the allegations and the extreme stresses that come with them, not to mention those on the other side of the fence that have suffered at the hands of sexual abusers. We're all in one place looking for many different things, opinions and beliefs clash and sometimes spectacularly railroad into large debates that split up sections.

Divide and conquer. Long established trick of the power bearers and something which should have no place in society. I belong to no group and have no beliefs, I am happy to accept that you and all others are the same and will blindly ignore anything and everything as long as it has no direct bearing on my life. Words on a forum can be read in many different ways but without intentional malice or hatred they should be taken as advice.

We're all different.

Ain't got a clue who this post is aimed at by the ways... Read a few select phrases and then started ranting. Me bad...

[Boys don't cry]

We're all different.

Ain't got a clue who this post is aimed at by the ways...

Me and only me,not RFLH nor anyone else just me.(I don't mean to be selfish)
I am too tired to answer right now but I will within two days.
Sorry to be busy

[RFLH]

Diana - feel free to write what you like - I care not. Its obvious that you have never been in the place that I and and the others on here have been - so you will never understand the mindset of us at all.

Carry on writing your posts - everyone has the choice as to whether to read them or not - if they do get bored they can ignore them, but please keep your personal attacks to yourself otherwise you may find your posts will be placed on mod review and an infraction issued.

[Rights Fighter]

This is posted under 'General discussions about false rape accusations'.

What on earth does this have to do with the subject matter?

Diana, why don't you just post up a link to your site under a person's posts who you might think need your advice on relaxation, rather than your very long posts? I had noticed you posting up extremely long comments about your relaxation techniques (and whatever advice you posted) when in fact the OP was not looking for that advice on the thread. For many people the mere fact that they post their concerns up here helps with venting.

If you feel that they might benefit from your techniques and/or advice just stick the link up in your post, maybe with the words 'you might find this site helps with relaxation' and leave it at that. If people want to take themselves off to your site then that is absolutely fine, but not all members here really want or need to read the humongous posts that I have seen here in the last few weeks.

As lawlessone says, sometimes all guys need in their situation is a swift boot up the bum.

I have no doubt that your techniques work for many people, and I also have no doubt that many, many people have benefited from them. I think the main complaint here is that only links are needed, and there is no need to take offence if somebody remarks that they do not wish to read huge posts.

[Saffron]

Agreed, RF.
Diana, you are an intelligent and erudite lady. Wayyyy back when I first started posting here (2003/2004) you were highly sympathetic to my situation and very kind. However, I think a "sticky" to relaxation techniques would be enough. I also don't want to get involved in personal attacks which is why I have so far remained silent on this thread. I do think Diana's posts are overlong and essentially repeat the same things. There is no need for this and it could deter people who genuinely need help from posting.

[IvorBinWronged]

To Diana.

I wish I could touch type!

Right!

Knock it on the head all of you!

Diana - no more "black hat" techniques (splitting posts into two so they appear smaller - priceless!).

BDC - go get some sleep before you burn out.

Ivor - no more posts for a while.

...

[diana_holbourn]

LOL and Lawlessone and ivor. Well, hopefully this won't last too much longer.


I didn't want to split my posts up, honest, but there's a character limit on here for each post of 15 thousand characters, and my post went over it.


Rights Fighter, you make some good points and I'll do as you say and just link to some stuff on relaxation exercises in future. Still, a link to straightforward ones would be just as good. I'd benefit myself by not having to write them out again. I think I'll copy more-or-less what I said to Mark, along with the rationale for posting them, which I should perhaps have explained more than I did before, into a new thread.

　

This is posted under 'General discussions about false rape accusations'.



What on earth does this have to do with the subject matter?

Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a section entirely appropriate for what this discussion is - issues over what it's appropriate to say to falsely accused people in high states of distress, and when. This section's the nearest match, I think, though this thread's main focus on one case in particular makes it less relevant. Perhaps I should speak to my brother about creating a new section for miscellaneous matters arising from other threads that will be off-topic in those or something. I designed this forum to have a positive focus on help and support, rather than pure debate, and that is why a thread containing a more-than-usual amount of criticism doesn't have a real home at the moment. Still, hopefully this will only be a one-off so a new section won't really be necessary.


Regarding your earlier post, I agree it's regrettable that this discussion hasn't taken place via PM instead of in the public eye, bearing in mind it's made a few of us look bad, which is a shame. In future I'll give that more thought. I just thought that since a few people seemed to have misunderstood things I've said here and I was publicly called out on them by someone who was of the opinion that they were useless and inappropriate, who also accused me of "pushing" them on people indiscriminately, I wanted to answer and explain myself publicly.

　

* I don't consider that I have made myself look bad nor have the other posters that have disagreed with you. RFLH

[Boys don't cry]

My last post on this thread as I wasted enough energy here instead of trying to help others and I plead "Not guilty"for being harsh.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire and it reminded me my "sweet" barrister who managed to make me retaliate to him during a meeting .
I talked,talked,talked to defend myself and suddenly he told me :"Have you finish running like a tap?".
If you are like this in court the jury will start watching the ceiling and that will be the end for you.

He apologised afterwards but I felt so...
He was right,you must get staight to the point.
It is like customer service you must get it right the first time and never give up.

I am only here to help and I will :

KEEP CALM
AND
CARRY ON

[RFLH]

Beautifully summed up BDC!

Let's hope that will be the last on the matter.

[diana_holbourn]

LOL. There was me thinking this thread was over yesterday.


I'm glad I now understand your views better, BDC. It's been helpful for me that you've clarified them. But you're still misunderstanding what I've been saying, which is that sometimes it's very appropriate indeed to be harsh, but people should just be discriminating about when they do it. I'm not suggesting people don't do it at all; yes there might be times when it saves lives; I'm simply suggesting people are perhaps a bit choosier about when to use the technique, because sometimes it might be unnecessary and sometimes harmful, for instance if someone's just been doing their best to help themselves but have received a setback and someone on here assumes they haven't done anything and orders them to jolly well begin to help themselves.


There isn't any point in debating this further. Let's stop now. Everyone has clarified their views and it's been worthwhile. But no more needs to be said.


Actually, the fact these disagreements have been brought out into the open has had a rather satisfactory conclusion for me! Being falsely accused of being here to spam lots of threads with useless relaxation techniques has actually been to my advantage, and hopefully to the advantage of the board, because the idea has grown out of it of having a sticky thread with relaxation techniques in them in case anyone can make use of them in future, that can just be linked to if anyone wants to suggest them. A great idea and a pleasing outcome! We should clearly all have disagreements like this more often.