Coping after a false accusation

[Denise]

Denise, I'm so touched by your post and I feel for you so much as I know how painful this all is and It's only been several weeks for me.

I've not coped all that great, there are days I can't eat/sleep and it just churns around in my stomach.

It's hard to find someone to talk to about it all, it's why I come on here and I find comfort that other people have found the strength to get through it, am hoping I kind of find it. Am always here if you need someone to talk to

Thanks Saffron hopelessly weepy, blubberingly incompetent, wine-glugging mess in private! Thats me you described

I'd give anything to live near you all do that we could meet up and lift each other and have a good cry together xx

[RFLH]

its good to see the forum is being used in the right way - each of you going through a horrendous time - but still having the empathy to help each other.

Thank you.

[Faith]

Some really heart-wrenchin but heartwarming posts on this page

Denise, Izzy, Saffron, fighter...bless you all.

[Denise]

You guys wil never know how much you've helped me

I dread to think how much worse I'd be without your forum

So it's me that's really grateful for all of you xx

[Saffron]

Thanks Denise.
Thanks to everyone who offers such fantastic support

[Izzy]

Denise and Izzy
It's cold comfort, but what you are feeling is completely "normal"! Sometimes dwelling on your situation is not healthy and you need to take a step back. Even now, after so long I occasionally need to take a few days away from the forum.
I'm not encouraging you to stay away at all, because we all value your input. I just think that sometimes reading terribly sad stories about others sin the same situation as you isn't good for your mental health.
We will do all we can to support you. You are both strong, kind ladies. Look after yourselves and make sure you stay that way.
(((((hugs)))))

Thanks Saffron, I think I did need to step back as I have spent so long on here reading everyones stories and it really got to me. I've stayed away the last couple of days and feel a bit better, but it's hard to stay away for some reason.

[Izzy]

izzy ..denise
their is so much i would like to tell you. i have written this post several times and changed it.
my son was found guilty i have mourned his verdict for 6 months.
talked and talked to my friends and family until i know they are bloody sick of hearing me go on and on about the case.
i have been through the wringer and i have finally come out the other end.
even my doctor has been great support to me and my family this past year.
please please try not to dwell on the horror stories on here. every case is different
we were unlucky because we had a s..t defence team and so i have just found out
an alcoholic barrister .. great eh, but we have fantastic chance of appeal thanks to specialist new solicitor who cannott believe it ever went to court in the first place.
i could tell you loads more. but this is about us mums sticking by our boys who have been unjustly accused... i know this might sound stupid but since the case my husband and myself go off on a long walk and talk about the case. and it really helps .
if you have got great barristers then half the battle is won.i put all my anger into getting evidence for appeal . doing the work our solicitor should have done ..

You've been through so much, I'm glad you've got support, I think the thing I find is hard is trying to carry on as normal without speaking about it, which seems to be where I am now, I think thats why I was visiting here so much.
I've thought a lot about the legal sitiuation and before finding this forum I would have put my trust in someone to do a good job, it's the least to expect under the circumstances isn't it? The sad fact is the people who find themselves in the middle of this often have no experience of the police/legal system.

To you and your Son Gem

[Faith]

The intention of the website is not to read a backlog of case studies...but unfortunately it's an all to real temptation. I made the same mistake when I first joined...suddenly I gave up and had convinced myself I was going down for life

There are some truly tragic stories on here...but they are not an accurate reflection of what happens. Miscarriages of justice do happen...but many many times justice is served too. Think on it this way...for all of those people who do get the right result...most probably didn't feel the need to seek us out BECAUSE their case went well.
These allegations are becoming sickeningly common...and they are undermining the real victims (but that's another tangent...I'll resist a rant!!) The people who find this site are the tip of the iceberg. There are many many many more cases than any of us will ever hear about...so don't be terrified as the ones you can read here are on the extreme side of the situation.

A useful thing to do is instead of reading all of the morbid threads...control yourself and only open ones which are titled 'Not Guilty' or NFA or something to that effect. There are just as many positive stories here as scary ones but human nature dictates that when we are scared we focus on the negatives

Well done for the time out...it is necessary. You are drawn back because you have built some wonderful friendships and made some allies for life. You stand out as one of the members who makes the fullest of the opportunities and support this community offers...and you give just as much back to us all so I am glad you have returned.

AVOID THE HORROR STORIES
Don't open any other threads except ones that are relevant to you and ones you feel you want to offer support. Don't venture past page one of the forum unless its to seek out stories of NFAs or Not Guilty verdicts.

Keep using the forum for how you normally do...mutual support and friendship.
Take Care.

[RFLH]

that's sound advice CH, as you say - morbid curiosity does get the better of you sometimes. But we do seem to be getting more threads that end up with dancing bananas than we did!

[Faith]

CH??

[Izzy]

Izzy and Denise, yes I agree with Gem! When I first came into the forum, I had weeks of sleepless nights and the fear was so much, because of the realities we see in the forum and I faced the possible consequences of it going wrong. My partner was the one accused and I wonder what would happen to him, to me...how could I live without him . But as days passed by, I learned to filter the important things I need to know to cope up and make sure I have done my best in fighting this for us. We have a good defense team and we have become very proactive. So, please hang in there.. absorb what you are reading in the forum especially those that will help you and let go of things that can bring your strength down. Hugs!! And Gem, am proud of you picking yourself up and doing all you can for your son!

It is such a hard thing to face and you describe how I've felt the last few weeks, it helps for some reason to know that what I'm feeling is normal and it will get better.

Hugs, Fighter.

[RFLH]

oops! That's old age that is - sorry!!

[Faith]

There are many worse people than CH I could be mistaken for!

[Izzy]

The intention of the website is not to read a backlog of case studies...but unfortunately it's an all to real temptation. I made the same mistake when I first joined...suddenly I gave up and had convinced myself I was going down for life

There are some truly tragic stories on here...but they are not an accurate reflection of what happens. Miscarriages of justice do happen...but many many times justice is served too. Think on it this way...for all of those people who do get the right result...most probably didn't feel the need to seek us out BECAUSE their case went well.
These allegations are becoming sickeningly common...and they are undermining the real victims (but that's another tangent...I'll resist a rant!!) The people who find this site are the tip of the iceberg. There are many many many more cases than any of us will ever hear about...so don't be terrified as the ones you can read here are on the extreme side of the situation.

A useful thing to do is instead of reading all of the morbid threads...control yourself and only open ones which are titled 'Not Guilty' or NFA or something to that effect. There are just as many positive stories here as scary ones but human nature dictates that when we are scared we focus on the negatives

Well done for the time out...it is necessary. You are drawn back because you have built some wonderful friendships and made some allies for life. You stand out as one of the members who makes the fullest of the opportunities and support this community offers...and you give just as much back to us all so I am glad you have returned.

AVOID THE HORROR STORIES
Don't open any other threads except ones that are relevant to you and ones you feel you want to offer support. Don't venture past page one of the forum unless its to seek out stories of NFAs or Not Guilty verdicts.

Keep using the forum for how you normally do...mutual support and friendship.
Take Care.

Thanks Faith, really good advice and I'm going to follow it.

[Izzy]

I'd give anything to live near you all do that we could meet up and lift each other and have a good cry together xx

It wish we did to.