My whole world is falling apart.How do I carry on...

[xxlettyxx]

hi everyone.
i dont know if I should be still on here as my partner was sentenced.As some of you know he was falsely accused of historic rape by 3family members, plea bargained and got 16yrs.i was plodding along somehow,Popping onto this site even offering a bit of support for what it was worth and it gave me some strength and comfort.
I visited him a week ago and he was in good spirits considering his age(70) and had health and had 1 brief phone call.
My famous saying of "never say nothing else can go wrong" came true when my daughters boyfriend was killed in a motorcycle accident (22yrs),Naturally we are devastated and totally in shock,I dont know how to tell him( they were close)I dread incase he phones and I cant hide my grief.
I phoned the prison for advice and must say how surprised I was how supportive they were and have arranged a visit for monday but I honestly dont know if I can cope anymore or go ahead with it.
Ontop of it all my son has stopped speaking to me(I think because he is shocked at how upset I am )he wont even speak to me when I try to explain.
I'm shocked myself at how I am so overwhelmed with grief.I've been so strong coping the past 18mnth an I feel as if theres nothing left to lose anymore.
I knew it wouldnt be easy to be in prison and I;m so selfish to need him . I cant tell everyone to be strong and tough anymore and we'll get through it because I dont think I can.Obviously I'm not as tough as I thought.Ive got two lovely daughters who are broken hearted and all I've done is burden them with a mother who invites bad luck into their lives.
If I hadnt got involved with my partner his family would have never made these accusations as a last resort to have him to themselves again.
I really shouldnt be around people because sooner or later their lives will crumble away to nothing.
I see nothing but doom and gloom ahead.I'm sitting wondering how the next disaster can outshine this one. If I wrote a book noone would believe it was true.
sorry to go on- I just dont know who to turn to-and Im sick and tired of explaining all the circumstances everthing is so complicated they would be bored in 5minutes.those of you who still have hope have everything.
letty xx

[RFLH]

Letty, you dould contact the Prison Chaplain and ask him to be there to support your partner after you tell him.

Please go and see your doctor if you haven't already as you sound depressed - although they can treat the symptoms rather than the cause - it'll help you cope a bit better.

You still need to vent and that is what this forum is for - so post away and we will try to support you the best we can.

You are not alone.

[xxlettyxx]

thank you,
They asked if I wanted the chaplain to tell him or be there when I do, but I said it was okay, so they are aware of what I'm going to be telling him.I'm worrying how to do it if you break down and not able to comfort or hold each other.
Just dont think my brain works anymore.
My doc was aware of the trouble with my partner but to be honest I dont think theres a pill invented that could help atm.
Sorry,to sound so lifeless.Just cant find anything in my reserve tank to fight anymore/
letty x

[Verity]

Dear Letty,

I have said exactly the same to my hubby whilst we were going through the hell of false allegation.
I felt if I had never met Mark his ex-wife and eldest son would never have concocted such a malicious false allegation against him, his mum wouldn't have got ovarian cancer etc.
You must go to your GP on Monday, ring first thing for an emergency appt and get him to call the crisis team of your mental health authority to have a crisis nurse practitioner come out to see you. This is important and you must do it for your family's sake but more importantly for your sake.
You are experiencing a double berevement.
Over the weekend please have a chat with the samaritans, they are the life raft that will keep you afloat until you see your GP.
If your feelings and thoughts become too overwhelming call an ambulance and they will get you to A+E and the duty psychiatrist will keep you safe.

Keep on the site over the weekend so we can hold your hand, reassure you and support you.

Sending huge hugs
Verity xxx

Your thoughts so mirror mine.

[xxlettyxx]

thanks so much for replying,
as I said I;ve got two daughters -they need me to support them through their grief.I cant cope in a crisis.The funny thing is my partner was so dependent on me and yet I need him so much and how many times could I need him again while hes in there.
I feel I'm the one whos being punished for his apparent crime.Hes oblivious to it all- kept away from the world and lifes problems.
The only crime I did was to love him and yet I feel as if I'm the one alone in a cell.
lettyx

[doubletake]

Hello

Hi Letty, i realy do feel ure pain. This is such a hard time for you and your family! and the saying "you dont know what you have lost it" realy does spring to mind! I'm worried sick that the same might happen to my partner that has happend to your's Here if u need to chat

dt

[Bigsister]

On no, this is just not fair is it I agree about the double grieving right now. I hope you can get to see your doc asap. You're going through such a rotten time at the moment, there wont be many people that could deal with that without some help.
Will be thinking about you monday.

[xxlettyxx]

thankyou dt and sis for your kind thoughts.
The prison has just rang and told me that my daughter (15)wont be able to attend the visit. A friend has confirmed that this is because hes a sex offender and will never be able to visit or write to him.Her name and D.O.B were on the V.O but they must have since realised shes not allowed.So, now shes devastated shes lost the two men in her life who protected and looked out for her and the one thats still alive she cant contact so in her eyes its as if hes died too.
I'm torn in every way .my son has washed his hands of me .My daughters b/friend was a bit of a "lovable rogue" and my "perfect son" cant stomach the fact that I can grieve for him- so I have lost them both.The one thats still alive doesnt want me !Just something else for me to mourn I suppose.
DT, I feel really positive for you- there is so much hope there for a good outcome.You have started working with a new sol and in your case you have only 1 accuser and we had 3 of them(that was the prob. If we had only had the 1 honestly think it would have been NFA'd and I know hand on heart that noone could have found him guilty)You keep going as you are- its looking good hun.
letty x

[doubletake]

Hi Letty.

Hello, Yes it's only 1 person saying that this happend in my partner's case..... but they are saying it happend ALOT of times! over a number of year's he now has a number of charges against him! i personaly cant see a great lot of good coming from it! Guess it's up to the Jury to decide.... it's like a 50/50 chance i supose aint it? x

[xxlettyxx]

hi DT,
I dont know all your exact details of how it happened so may times but in my partners case if only the 1 girl had said it had happened(she said he raped her every week for years)there were so many contradictions and crazy assumptions in their statements it was still unbelievable regardless of how many times, so I cant see If it was once or 10 times why he would be made to look worse. Why did she let it happen more than once?My partner apparently made no threats to them , infact they said they believed he didnt know hed done it, yet one said hed put a condom on earlier in the day knowing he was going to do it to her later.so why did they never avoid being in the situation where he could do it again and again.Their mother made a statement saying they begged to see him. Why if they endured years of misery at the hands of this so called paedophile ?I could go on and on with questions like this , their statemnts show up more and more each time I read them, I'm sure your accusers will be the same.
Apparently-they couldnt be questioned about it because they were 14-16. Why when it would have shown it to be rubbish- physically impossible for starters!If teenagers make these comments surely they should be asked about them.
sorry for going on DT, but I'm just trying to say to you the more lies shes told the more mistakes she will have made.A trained eye should spot them no bother a lot better than we probably can.
you are in a much better position than we were, and you found this site( a godsend)
letty x

[xxlettyxx]

by the way DT he was charged with 14- not many considering he did it to 3 of them every week and 1 every day for years.so really dont know how they work it out . x

[doubletake]

Hi Letty

Hello i've inboxed u hope u dont mind x

[psychotic]

keep going!

no matter what happens to your partner, this kind of grief and pain should not be tolerated anywhere in the world... this is a tough time for you and i hope you will be strong and mow that those evil things that make us all unhappy... u have my prayers from a strange man... i wish there is more i can do for u