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**Midnight and Worried** · 7 February 2011, 10:22 PM

Hello purpleangel,

I'm sorry about the situation that you find yourself in but have found a site that will give you some really good advice and a lot of support,others will be along shortly to answer any questions you may have.

Do children lie? Sadly they do and for many different reasons,spite,jealousy,attention seeking.

From what you have written and looking at things objectively you have a nine year old who has a fairly new Stepdad and a new baby who,in her eyes, may have taken you away from her.

**Saffron** · 8 February 2011, 09:45 AM

Hi Purpleangel

M&W is right - children do lie for a number of reasons. Most people don't believe that they would lie about something as big as this, but there are plenty of people on this site who know that they do.
Your daughter could be lying for any number of reasons, but M&W's theory sounds the most likely. As for your daughter's friend - well, kids will often be "in cahoots". It could be that your daughter has told her friend that this happened and her friend is trying to back her up.
Has your daughter given any specific dates? Have you noticed her becoming withdrawn or exhibiting any fear while your partner was around - was she reluctant to be left alone with him, for example, did her behaviour change? Did she tell you first, or someone else - a teacher, a friend's parent, etc?

With regard to the gossip - well, it is just that: gossip. Hurtful and spiteful, but you have to just hold your head high and ignore it. I suggest you report the malicious phone calls to the police. Keep a log of any other threats that are made.

I'm sorry you find yourself here. I am sure others will be along soon with more advice.

**Rights Fighter** · 8 February 2011, 01:47 PM

A useful newspaper article about a real case to show to SS and the police when they say that very young children cannot lie about sexual abuse:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2005/ma...e.stevenmorris

Print the story out and make sure you have several copies to hand out to disbelievers in authority.

**purpleangel** · 9 February 2011, 01:08 PM

hi..yes she seems very clear on dates and times etc..unfortunatly some of those times, i was in the bedroom next door,or just downstairs..her behaviour did change in general not just towards my partner, but not until a good three months after the abuse started..4months in total..before then she wanted us to get married, to change her surname to his and even wrote him a letter asking to call him dad,.now she says she hates him and wants him to go to prison for what he did to her...im so confused, i dont think she is lying, i think she believes this has happened, but i truly cant see it did, we are very close and im sure i would have noticed...like i say her behaviour did change, but not just towards him, she was being bullied in school and was scared that we had a ghost in the house we have just moved from...to the point of paranoid...she suffers from night terrors and has done since she was 3 or 4. although she has only had 3 0r 4 in the 8 weeks since my partner left..she talks and walks around as if she is awake but remembers nothing in the morning...

**Saffron** · 9 February 2011, 01:55 PM

Have you taken her to see a psychiatrist? You mention her night terrors - could she have dreamed this? Your GP will be able to refer her to a psychiatrist or psychologist.

You say she has had a medical examination - was it an internal examination? At the age of 9 there would almost certainly be some physical evidence of adult penetration, if that is what she is claiming happened. Sexual abuse does not just mean penetration of course. Does your partner have any distinguishing marks on his body that she could only have seen if his pants were off?

This is an awful situation for you to be in, my heart goes out to you. You must be torn between your daughter and your partner, which is a horrible place to be.

**Rights Fighter** · 9 February 2011, 02:27 PM

Good suggestion Saffron. Take her to your GP and tell him/her about the night terrors and other problems (telling provable untruths) but not the allegations. Ask if he can refer her urgently to a child psychologist.

If you mention the allegations the GP might refer her straight to a counsellor trained in child sex abuse who will assume it is true and who in turn could implant false memories.

**purpleangel** · 9 February 2011, 10:24 PM

she had an internal, which they said proved inconclusive as she had discribed penetration with a finger, she has been refered to councelling through pcambs..8 weeks and 2 gp letters later i am still waiting....
my partner walks around with his top off most of the time and has tattoos, but nothing down below that she would be able to discribe..
ive told social services about the bad dreams, sleepwalking etc...and they dont really seem interested..they dont believe for one minute this hasnt happened, and seem to think im a bad mother for doubting her...the longer this goes on the more i tend to agree, but there is nothing in his past...surely you dont turn into a pervert over night?...

**Rights Fighter** · 9 February 2011, 10:30 PM

Lesson one: Social Services like to believe this happens more often than it does. I am sure that some of them are damaged in some way because they will see perversion where there is none.

I wouldn't bother trying to explain to SS anything because they tend to prefer to believe this has occurred.

Please follow the advice already offered and find a good solicitor who is experienced in these matters.

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