Newbie - my b/f was FA'sed

[cloudberry27]

Hi to all,

my fiance is still on licence and his conviction still affects his and my life everyday, which is why I have sought out this group. I am hoping to touch base with others in this situation.

I will call my fiance "Paul" for this group. I didnt know Paul when he was accused and later convicted of having sex with a 15 year old girl. When I met him he had been out of prison seven months, we met on a "back to work" scheme. He told me straight away what his circumstances are. Unemployed, living in a horrid little flat without even a comfy chair to sit on, he never complained though.

Previously he had a very successful career, his own house. He also comes from a large Catholic family who had stood by him, what a difference this has made.

His story is a sad one. He was giving the girl psychotherapy, at her parents request, he knew the family. He was warned they were "trouble" but didnt heed it. She was being sexually abused by two of her brothers, she told Paul all about it, in confidence, her father was also strange in his behaviour towards her. She exposed herself to Paul on a few occasions, invited him to touch her, he declined. She started keeping a fantasy diary about him, what she later claimed he "did to her". Then left the diary for her mother to find...

When the **** hit the fan several people offered to bear witness - the sessions were in a public building, the other people there had never seen her dishevelled or frightened, she had never asked for help etc. etc. But these witnesses soon faded away when it actually came to defending Paul in court. How would their reputation look if he lost the case?

There were documents the judge could see that the jury were not allowed to see because of client confidentiality (she had been Pauls client). It was her word against his. He got 7 years, served three and is now on licence.

That he has type 2 diabetes and is thus practically impotent was not allowed to be brought up in his defence. So many things were just ignored, like the truth most importantly.

The girl and her family moved away. Many around here did not beleive her story. No-one wanted to know them, too dangerous. As one person put it "a fifteen year old threw herself at him, and he went away for it".

We recently heard that since she moved she has accused two more men of raping / sexually assaulting her. Where will this end? I can only hope and pray that one day her concience will explode and she will admit her lies, or more likely, be exposed as a serial lier. No man is safe from her and her type. Her name should be published with a health warning to all males!

The list of things he cannot do (on his licence) is long. Luckily I dont have children and I am 47, so wouldnt want them now. But it affects our whole life. He is far more forgiving than I am about this, I supppose he has to be. Surviving being in prison with rapists, murderers and so on has really traumatised him. It does get easier as time goes by though.

Anyway, thats our situation. I dont think until you meet someone who has gone through this that one can really appreciate how completely devastating it is.

All best wishes to everyone on this group.

cloudberry

[Saffron]

Hi Cloudberry and welcome.

First off, I have moved your thread to the FA section. The "introduce yourself" section is more for Hello type stuff than to explain why you are here.

I'm sorry you find yourself here. FAs are far more common than most people believe.

I know this sounds twisted, but it is good that she has made more allegations since she moved. Do you know if she has reported these to the police? She sounds like a deeply disturbed individual, and no wonder if she has been abused by her brothers and possibly her dad. It's possible that she is making allegations against people outside her family because she can't reveal the truth about what is happening within her family.

Then again, she could just be a liar and attention-seeker. "Victim" status is very powerful. Everyone feels sorry for you, you become the centre of attention, and people all around you commend you for your courage.

Genuine Victims (or Survivors, as they prefer to be known) would do anything to avoid this status. However, False Accusers revel in the attention they gain due to their "victim" status.

Your man is lucky to have found you. Thank you for sharing your story.

Saffron

[Rights Fighter]

Cloudberry, I have answered your other post on another thread.

If you need any help trying to appeal this conviction please private message LS with your email address in complete confidence, and we can talk about this.

Just so you know, I review trial paperwork for appeals against conviction and have had some success.

[LS]

Hi Cloudberry
Welcome to the site, and sorry that it is as a result of your partner's conviction.

My own case is very similar to his, but you are right in that people do not understand the implications of a conviction like this, especially if the person convicted is actually innocent. The vast unthinking majority of the newspaper-reading population will readily bleat that the sentences are not long enough, without stopping to think that the ramifications go on for life, long after the prison part has finished. I have just spent the last two days on the bbc's Have Your Say website arguing with people who are all in favour of the new legal ruling which entitles people to check on others in an effort to find those with such a conviction.
Although the thinking behind the ruling is supposed to prevent convicted persons trying to inveigle their way into the life of a single mother with children, many will start chinese whispers by saying they've had a Sarah's Law done on someone and that they are "one of those." Of course no one will stop to ask where the paper proof is, and the vigilanteism will start. I spent many hours trying to suggest to people that they wouldn't be so keen to call for longer sentences, or to advocate their own brand of restorative justice if it was either themselves or own of their own on the receiving end.

You are quite right that the implications of the Licence can be quite restrictive, especially as many of the conditions can be very punitive and bear little relation to your individual situation. I found the ban on owning or using a computer had nothing to do with preventing "re-offending" and merely prevented me from using the Licence time constructively. I could however have happily surfed the internet via mobile phone and been downloading child pornography until I was blue in the face, had I been that type of person, and not been in breach of the Licence.

Although you say you personally don't have children, be careful about mentioning any you may know or be related to. I was blackmailed by my probation officer into handing over names, addresses and dates of birth of any family or friends under 18 in the local area. As I had just moved to a large city I hadn't been back to for 30 years, since I was ten, I honestly didn't know any of them and they were my parents' acquaintances. It didn't stop probation though, and eventually my family had to give out the details, whereupon the police and social services then told those people that my family had given out more details than they were asked. As a result, all of the extended family in that region have now cut us all dead.
So be wary of probation, they have a lot of power and they are answerable to no one. As they are part of the legal system, virtually no court will entertain a complaint about what they do, and I have a legal ruling explaining that.

However, when the licence ends it will get a little easier. The silly restrictions will go, and you'll be left with fairly reasonable ones on the Register. Unfortunately, it is the mental scars which take longer to heal. I left prison 2 years ago, and it's been a year since my licence ended, but the mistrust of people is more to the fore, as is the isolation and reclusiveness. Shopping trips are a mad dash, whereas before I would happily window-shop. Doing anything or going anywhere must be thought-out in advance, so that no notw photographer can take a picture of you walking through a park and then photoshop a child into view.
Employment will likely be non-existent. Employers won't want to be seen to extending the hand of friendship. Even those who have employed you for years prior will walk away, I found. Self-employment would be nice, but as with this type of offence you may find yourself on List 99 which bars you from working with children or vulnerable adults, but it also makes clear that you are also barred from being in a position of responsibility or supervision. This means you can never employ someone, should you be a business success.
It's a minefield, but a site like this is a godsend because you will find others who are in the same boat and can help and advise.

The main thing your partner has got going for him is You. Many partners are off at the first sniff of scandal, but you've done that and more by actually getting involved after he was convicted. That is admirable and, in my book, makes you one of those I call Special People.