scared

[LS]

The only thing I would say is Please don't expect miracles. I know skipton wants things to be back to normal now, but it takes time. I've been out 2 years and my life is nowhere near how it was before, but for many months I was at the stage you are.

As Saffron and RFLH have said, it takes time to build your self-esteem back up and to do things and feel comfortable. Just going out for a walk is a huge leap for you. You need to set yourself little goals for now, because they are achievable.

[Saffron]

Maybe Skipton could ask his PO about any voluntary work he could undertake, rather than saying "this is what I want to do". The PO could then suggest options that are deemed "acceptable".

Where I live there is an "offenders rehabilitation" scheme where they will come and clear your overgrown garden (much needed by me - It's only a matter of time before our neighbours complain about the state of our front garden). Not sure whether you would have to "accept guilt" in order to get on such a scheme, but might be worth an ask. Some POs are more helpful than others, of course.

Oh....just realised that RFLH has already said exactly the same thing, while I was writing this post...sorry for repeating!

[skipton]

i used to be a strong and confident person.....
i used to be able to help people with there problems......
my old life was o.k.
sometimes up somtimes down
but it was my life
my life will never be my own again
i have to try to deal with that
the problem is how

[RFLH]

I could do with some help from them, I nearly killed myself mowing the grass yesterday!

[Saffron]

Skipton, I won't lie to you, things will never be the same again. But they can be just as good as they were. Something like this either destroys you or makes you stronger. All of us here have been on the brink, and stared into the depths in one way or another. But life limps along whether we like it or not. I don't think anyone ever fully recovers from something like this. But we can slowly improve.

In the meantime, as we have all said, take each day as it comes. You went out today, so make sure you go out again tomorrow. Perhaps the day after that you can go into a shop and buy a paper. Each time will be slightly easier. Baby steps. You will get there.

[LS]

skipton
You say your life will never be your own again. From your sentence I'd calculate you're on the Register for life, but that in itself isn't all doom and gloom. Okay you have to register with the police once a year to give them your current address, telephone/mobile/national insurance number and place of employment, and you'd have to do this as often as any of those details change.
And yes, once every few months plod will turn up at your door to see if you're up to anything you shouldn't be. But if you're not, then you have nothing to fear and the Register and police every few months is a minor inconvenience, but it doesn't have much of an impact.

For me, I don't do anything I shouldn't be, everything on my pc is backed up offsite daily so if anything was "found" on my pc during any investigation of it, well I've got incontrovertible proof that it wasn't there before the police took it. So I have peace of mind. And yes they call round every so often, but they are wasting their time looking for anything to have me for, so they'll get bored of visiting long before I do.

When they're stil visiting me when I'm in my eighties and bed-bound, and haven't done anything to warrant their continued forays into my life, well around that time I'll feel entitled to make it clear that they've long outstayed their welcome. Until then, they break the monotony. And give me more evidence.

[skipton]

i suppose by coming on here......
i was looking for a magic pill to make everthing better....
although i know in the real world that is not possible.....
the road ahead seems long and dark......
im impressed by all th positive feedback from all concerned.....
taking the easy way out has crossed my mind many times....
i hope i can keep coming back here to take positive inspiration.....
im not very good with computers......
i might never be able to find you again.....
but i will keep trying.......
a big thanks to all of you..........

[RFLH]

we never had anyone come to visit us - I'm not likely to now mind you!! It was turn up once a year and that was it.

I think it alldepends on what area you're in.

[Saffron]

Of course you will be able to find us again. You made your way here this morning after you had slept.
Keep coming back. It really does help.
I have to sign off now, but will check back tomorrow.

[skipton]

to life sucks

you seem to have a good angle on everthing.....
were things very hard for you in the beginning......

[skipton]

to rflh

glad you are back.......

[LS]

you seem to have a good angle on everthing.....
were things very hard for you in the beginning......

Yes, they were very hard. They've only gotten better (?) in the last couple of months since my licence ended, as half my problems were compounded by probation.
I've only got a good angle on things because I came out thinking probation would help me get work, back into life etc, and all they did was create more problems than they solved. I now don't trust those in authority because they've got their own axe to grind, and when they say "We're here to help you" my answer is No you're bloody not. You're here to try to put me back in. These b*****ds' only interest is in creating you more hurt, so I've learnt the hard way what works for me.

One thing I've also learnt the hard way is that none of these b****ds can be trusted. They send 2 plods to see me ever so often, yet whenever you get a new set they always ask you about your conviction. Why bother, when all they need to do is read the file they have on me. Yet when I've told the police so often what's been done and what I'm innocent of, not one of them is in the least interested in doing anything about it. Always say they have to go by the conviction. Good job I don't go by the assumption that all cops are honest.
The only people I trust now are those who've shown they can be trusted.

[skipton]

licence

ive got over three years left on my licence.......
ill never make it ........
they want me to get a job .....
but they make it impossible......
they send me on this better lives course.....
hoping that i will just give in........
i see no hope for me .....

[LS]

skipton, the licence for 3 years isn't a problem. Having a decent probation is, and not falling into the traps they try to set.
Mine suggested I go work for the post office as a postman, then a week or two later he let slip I couldn't enter the home of anyone under 18, which also includes their driveway. So if I took his job advice, I'd have probably ended up on the front page of the Sun.
If they want you to get a job, get them to get you one if they're that fussed but use your common sense.

3 years is 3 years. The worst they can do is put you back in for those 3 years. In 6 months' time it'l be 2 and 1/2 years, and so on. That's the absolute worst, and nothing more they can do. Why be frightened of that? You've already done 5, so don't be scared of something that'll never happen. You have to royally screw up before they'll even think of recalling you, and if you're maintaining your innocence then they're not going to benefit much because at the end of that time they have to let you out anyway.

You WILL get through it, because it is possible. I got through it, but I stuck to my guns about my innocence. If they'd recalled me for maintaining my innocence, then so be it, but they didn't.
You need to keep your mind occupied with other things than worrying about this, and see a gp as we've suggested.

[skipton]

you talk a lot of practical sence.......
if im honest my po seems o.k.......
but its all about trust......
sometimes i think i would be better off back inside......
but deep down i know that is not the solution......
because i would have to go through this again....