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WOMEN WHO STAND BY THEIR MEN ACCUSED OF RAPE

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  • WOMEN WHO STAND BY THEIR MEN ACCUSED OF RAPE

    (Posted on old forum on Saturday, March 13, 2004)

    I'm a freelance journalist and I'm working on a piece for the Daily Express on wives or girlfriends who stood by their husband or partner when they were accused or rape. The peg for this article is the three Leicester City footballers who are facing rape charges in Spain. Their wives and girlfriends flew over to Spain to support them when the news broke, right now they are standing by them publicly and emotionally.

    I am very keen to talk to a woman (women) who understands what these women are going through and who is happy to talk about the emotional rollercoaster the ordeal put her and her family through and any advice she could offer to the footballers wives now. The paper would also like to have a photo taken. There could be a fee for the interview. I am happy to supply details of my previous work as verification to who ever comes forward.

    If you are interested contact me on my email address janet.coelho1@btinternet.com or on my mobile no: 07961 396777 (T-Mobile).

    I have also been give clearance by the webmaster to post this message.

    Many thanks

    Janet

  • #2
    I know only too well what these women are going through, along with their families. It is extremely hard to know that your man is innocent and serving time in prison for a crime he didn't commit. My concern is that it is so easy for women to cry rape these days for whatever disturbed reason and get away with ruining peoples life's. It is a growing concern for the poor defenceless women who are brutally raped that these women should be mocking the system in such a way. I do believe an article should be placed to make men aware of the dangers of being accused of such a heinous crime as from what I can see it is on the increase and there is nothing there to protect them.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by anon@Jul 26 2004, 10:20 PM
      My concern is that it is so easy for women to cry rape these days for whatever disturbed reason and get away with ruining peoples life's.
      Easy for women to "cry" rape?? Not if they know anything about the court system, it isn't! Yes, injustices do happen, but many a time, it's a humiliating and unjust ordeal for plaintiffs. See this, for example:

      An article written for the Daily Telegraph in 1997 by crime correspondent John Steele entitled 'Straw targets the date-rape attackers who avoid justice' referred to a government review of procedure in rape trials (which eventually brought forth some fairly minor reforms) and publicised the low conviction rate in cases where the victim knows her attacker.

      Part of it says: "The recorded figures include rapes by strangers and what are termed date or acquaintance rapes. As the conviction rates for stranger rape tend to be higher, the true rate of guilty verdicts in non-stranger rapes may be lower than 10 per cent.

      Concern centres on these cases, where the victim knows her attacker and consent to sexual intercourse is an issue.

      Senior officers with experience of rape cases called for reforms to ensure a fair trial for victims, who they said were often intimidated by their treatment in court at the hands of defence lawyers who questioned them about their sexual history or irrelevant matters calculated only to discredit their evidence.

      Prof Sue Lees, of the University of North London, who has conducted considerable research into rape cases, said irrelevant questions included details of women's clothes and underwear, their families, whether they were on benefits, whether they had ever had an abortion, and even about their menstrual cycle.

      Det Insp Sue Hill, a member of the Metropolitan Police serious sexual offence steering committee, said women were "frequently exposed to a barrage of questions, totally unrelated to the charge, the simple aim of which is to discredit her evidence by suggesting she is the type of person who tends to consent freely".

      She asked: "How many women would put themselves through this process unless they were telling the truth? "
      My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
      And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the Supernatural

      Comment


      • #4
        There is an email support group for wrongly accused people. It says it's a free list, but also a commercial one, so I don't know if that means they'll send you spam. But it's at:
        http://www.a-team.org/false_accusation_list.html
        My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
        And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the Supernatural

        Comment


        • #5
          I stood by my husband because I knew he had not done what he was accused of. We went through four years of hell, he had spend nearly three years in prison because a jury believed the 'victim' on the day. It was her word against his and he was supposed to have committed this offence 12 years previously!!! I set to and gathered all our friends and family together and we set up a support group and raised ?100,000 to pay to have an investigation done (which I feel the police should have done, to which the investigators accumulated enough evidence to prove he couldn't have committed the crime.

          I am one of the lucky ones, due to the help of our families and friends and the investigation I now have my husband back home where he belongs.

          Comment


          • #6
            Note from Webmaster: This post was deleted at the request of Sally. She felt the details given may have prejudiced her impending court case.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by sally@Jul 26 2004, 10:27 PM
              Post deleted by Webmaster
              Hi Sally
              Thank you for coming back to me, and sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I am truly sorry to hear of your husband's predicament and can only hope that justice will prevail. Although there is no consolation in knowing that this woman will walk free, the fact that you are prepared to stand by your husband despite the destroying a decent man. She cannot take you away from him, only you can and I hope your resilience and determination will make you stronger as a couple in the end. Good luck with the court case and may justice prevail. I'd really like to know how you get on in May so do email me back if you want.
              Best wishes
              Janet

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by diana_holbourn@26th July 2004 - 10:23 PM
                Easy for women to "cry" rape?? Not if they know anything about the court system, it isn't! Yes, injustices do happen, but many a time, it's a humiliating and unjust ordeal for plaintiffs. See this, for example:

                An article written for the Daily Telegraph in 1997 by crime correspondent John Steele entitled 'Straw targets the date-rape attackers who avoid justice' referred to a government review of procedure in rape trials (which eventually brought forth some fairly minor reforms) and publicised the low conviction rate in cases where the victim knows her attacker.

                Part of it says: "The recorded figures include rapes by strangers and what are termed date or acquaintance rapes. As the conviction rates for stranger rape tend to be higher, the true rate of guilty verdicts in non-stranger rapes may be lower than 10 per cent.

                Concern centres on these cases, where the victim knows her attacker and consent to sexual intercourse is an issue.

                Senior officers with experience of rape cases called for reforms to ensure a fair trial for victims, who they said were often intimidated by their treatment in court at the hands of defence lawyers who questioned them about their sexual history or irrelevant matters calculated only to discredit their evidence.

                Prof Sue Lees, of the University of North London, who has conducted considerable research into rape cases, said irrelevant questions included details of women's clothes and underwear, their families, whether they were on benefits, whether they had ever had an abortion, and even about their menstrual cycle.

                Det Insp Sue Hill, a member of the Metropolitan Police serious sexual offence steering committee, said women were "frequently exposed to a barrage of questions, totally unrelated to the charge, the simple aim of which is to discredit her evidence by suggesting she is the type of person who tends to consent freely".

                She asked: "How many women would put themselves through this process unless they were telling the truth? "
                Thankyou diane, for including that article, many people think that lots and lots of women cry rape, its not that easy, and is humiliating as you said, also if a women is 'crying rape', she would have to do a good job, going to report the crime, sitting thought the stament rembering every single lie she made up, being questioned over and over and over ..and over again, about every detail, whilst all the time remebering every single lie she has told so as not to get caught out, and then if she gets through all that, the CPS would also have to beleive her for them to agree it should go to court, and then she would have to 'cry rape' and remember every single detail she made in her statement all those months ago, in a courtroom and put up with everyone knowing she is a victim.Yes i agree that some women have been known to do this, but just realistically consider the above, there are only so many lies you can tell, and to convince an entire legal system where people have trained all their lives to spot liars, and 12 members of a jury with 'no evidence' and get a conviction????????? come on.....it may happen a few times but this does not and cannot happen in every single case.Those accused of 'crying rape' would have to be geniuses to convince all those proffesionals and 12 mebers of a jury with just their word, and no evidence, and to the very few that do cry rape, thye need to be receiving psychiatric help, as this is one the of the vilest things that can happen to a person, and to actually say that this has happened when it hasnt beggars belief.But for every person convicted of the crime to instantly say the women 'cried rape' considering rape is one of the most underreported crimes with one of the lowest conviction rates around, is in need of a psychiatric assesment.Women would not put themselves through the ordeal of a court case juts for the hell of it, and as for compensation, to be known as a 'victim' for the rest of your life a few pennies in the bank, its not worth it, and people seem to think that victims get a lot of money, from speaking to those few people who have genuinly been through a rape and received compensation, this money was used to cover time off work, due to time spent in hospital both being physically and mentally treated for injuries, and the compensation didnt even pay for the first 6 months off work, now to put yourself through all that for so little in return? you wouldnt do it unless you wanted something bigger than money.......for example how about JUSTICE?
                Snoopy
                "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Please also recognise that it is not easy to watch the man you love being dragged through the courts for a crime he could not possibly have committed, and has proof that the accuser has got her story all wrong.

                  I have been there, and going through such a horrific ordeal, through absolutely NO fault of your own, your names and photographs splashed all over the newspapers, knowing that whatever the verdict you have no redress, no cause for claiming compensation for mental injury and time off work, and no way of getting justice for yourself or your partner - THAT is probably as traumatic as actually being raped. A lot of people forget that an innocent man, who has been accused of this vile and horrific crime do suffer as well, and get very little support from anyone.

                  My husband was acquitted last year of rape and sexual assault. We had gathered a lot of information that eventually proved that the accuser was lying. He was publically humiliated, potentially faced a long prison term, and collapsed in the dock through the stress after a year of hell.

                  The point is, the police and the CPS dont actually investigate the defendants side at all - if they had done they would have discovered that there was no case long before they spent thousands of pounds of taxpayers money. All they do is take the 'story' and try to make things fit that will back the story up. My husband's mistake was telling the truth - that he didnt know this woman and sex never occurred. Had he lied and said that he had consentual sex with her, he would never have been charged because there was no evidence whatsoever - the whole case was based on her word. How absurd is that?

                  Trouble is, after the verdit, the problems dont stop. He has suffered a nervous breakdown, following months of depression. I have been suffering from depression as well, and we dont have a relationship left now. Although we love one another dearly, neither of us can cope with the others pain, despite therapy - and we have now split up (we had been married 3 weeks when he was arrested).

                  So, was it worth it? Ask the anonymous woman from behind the screen who was quite free to tell her lies without showing her face, quite free to pick up her compensation cheque, and quite free from her name ever being published. She is still happily married, with her 2 kids (both born long after the alleged attack), and her compensation cheque, and cannot be prosecuted unless we can prove malicious prosecution at our own expense. Meanwhile, I have lost my husband, he has lost his health and his career and me, and we have lost our chance live a normal, happy life and to have children because of the stress of the last 2 years. Justice?? This woman should be strung up for what she has done to me and my husband.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Raincloud

                    You are 100% right.
                    I have never been raped. I hope I never am. But I have suffered the agonising ordeal of watching my family torn apart by the malicious lies of a disturbed, vicious little excuse of a woman. She sat behind her screen, not because she was afraid of facing my husband in court, but because she didn't want her image shown to the public gallery. I wonder why? Maybe because she has done this before, and was afraid someone would recognise her? Or because she knew she wouldn't be able to repeat her lies to my husband's face?
                    I have seen the man I love wrongfully convicted of a crime he did not commit, I have seen the scars left by his self harming, cleaned the blood off the sofa, and dressed his wounds.
                    I have seen him pass out in the dock as the guilty verdict was read out. I have seen him sobbing as the judge sentenced him. I have tried to explain to our 4 year old son that daddy can't come home for a while. The people in our street have read the case in all the local papers, and point and stare when we go out. The other parents at my son's nursery are the same, and simply stare at us when we go there.

                    So yes, you are right, the wrongly accused suffer as much, maybe more trauma than the alleged victim. They have no way of redressing their wrong, no justice they can seek, nothing can heal their hurt.

                    Saffron

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      hear hear i totaly agree with everything that has been said on here about falsley accused people why do they not get compensated and there story put in the papers? why do these people get away with it? i could go out any god given night and accuse someone it would set me up nicely ... would i do it no i wouldn't not for all the money in the world and why because i have morals a word that isn't used nowadays its an easy step to take to get yourself out of financial trouble isn't it? but is all the pain and suffering not just for one person but a whole family worth that cheque I DON'T THINK SO .... so to all these people that have accused and are lying just remember what goes round comes around i truely beleive that think 1 day it could be your son brother nephew etc accused lets see how you will feel its an experience i will never forget even now im scared it could happen again with either one of my son's or my husband my brothers so one i no god 4 bid it does but think on these people that do accuse it could be someone you luv that ends up in the dock

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Greer@26th July 2004 - 10:26 PM
                        I stood by my husband because I knew he had not done what he was accused of. We went through four years of hell, he had spend nearly three years in prison because a jury believed the 'victim' on the day. It was her word against his and he was supposed to have committed this offence 12 years previously!!! I set to and gathered all our friends and family together and we set up a support group and raised ?100,000 to pay to have an investigation done (which I feel the police should have done, to which the investigators accumulated enough evidence to prove he couldn't have committed the crime.

                        I am one of the lucky ones, due to the help of our families and friends and the investigation I now have my husband back home where he belongs.
                        I was pleased to hear that your fight paid off, but nothing can put right the enormous wrong & damage done to u and your family.

                        I served 4yrs & on completion of my sentence am trying hard to get information & evidence from the authorities to overturn my conviction but its a club culture where any info is given reluctantly.

                        I have no help & its only my anger at the way police are allowed to gain convictions purely on prejudicing juries that keeps me going. That & to try & make people in general realise how vulnerable they are to false accusations. Like car accidents they all believe that it cant happen to them. Good luck for the future.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          wildmouse no matter what you do there will always be sick and disturbed people out there ready to slaughter someone who is innocent what makes me mad is the fact that the people who do actualy commite these vulgar crimes normaly get away with it and the people who don't because they dont no how the system works end up in jail TAKE AWAY THE MONEY POT then watch how many FALSE ALLEGATIONS TAKE PLACE i bet it would half maybe even less then that and the real rapist would start to get convicted its a bloody sham all i can say to you is good luck and i hope you get to clear your name i wish you all the best let us no how you get on talk care stay safe x

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I've been doing a little bit of research into false rape allegations and what I've found is quite disturbing. There's an article about the findings of a police department in America which concluded that during the period the research was carried out, an average of 41% of rape allegations were recanted as false by the people who'd made them. And at the end, it said that research on college campuses had concluded that 50% of rape allegations were false. The article's at:
                            http://www.menweb.org/throop/falsereport/kanin.html
                            It said that the reasons women gave for making false allegations were because they wanted an alibi, (I presume to explain such things as why they got pregnant, without being disapproved of for being promiscuous by their family) revenge, or sympathy and attention.

                            There's another interesting article about motivations for false allegations here:
                            http://www.menweb.org/throop/falsereport/c...st-unfound.html

                            There was a Panorama programme on a couple of years ago about how several men who had grown up in care were making false allegations of sexual abuse against some of the people who worked there in order to get the compensation money. I think one or more of them said they made plans with each other to do it while they were in prison.
                            My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
                            And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the Supernatural

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              That is quite an eye opener.
                              There are all sorts of reasons why people make false allegations, and although some do get recanted, plenty of them actually get to court, and even manage to convict innocent people.

                              The reason so many false allegations get to court is due in no small part to the way the police handle their questioning of the victim. I am aware that a great deal of tact and empathy needs to be employed when taking a statement from a victim. But it recently has become such a political hot potato that no confirmation of the facts is required, and even when the accuser ties herself up in knots, no questions are asked.

                              I have read the interview first taken with my husband's accuser: it says that she awoke to find him lying on top of her, having sex with her, which she had not consented to. Later when the forensic evidence proved intercourse had not taken place, she recanted that statement and decided he had not had sex with her. But at no time did the police query her on this! To not even query such a grotesque "about turn" in the alleged victim's statement is surely nothing short of negligent.

                              I am not surprised about the scale of false allegations made. Did you know that in some US states, if a man and a woman have sex, and the woman has drunk enough alcohol to take her over the drink-drive limit, she can claim to have been raped?

                              Comment

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