Angry and Fearful

[Loki]

At the end of October I was at a house party- had a good night and asked if I could crash in a spare room....so went to sleep. Have a brief memory of being disturbed during the night but when I woke in the morning a girlfriend of someone I briefly know was in bed beside me with a Tshirt and underwear on. Confused as hell and drunk I lay there. I am engaged and have a young daughter and have been faithful and do not really drink that often, two three times a year. I can blame my brain being mush from the alcohol or simply not thinking straight but the girl woke me up, and started talking nonsense- so not wanting to feel awkward- as I suffer from anxiety at the best of times- I chatted back. She kept going on about being horny etc because her boyfriend was working away. Anyway, stupidly, lying beside her and arm over her she moved my hand down over her crotch- I went with it and it lasted 2 minutes at most and that was that- I remained fully clothed even my boots were still on. She made some comment after about feeling guilty and said something about me doing that to someone when they were sleeping- but i straight away said you moved my hand. She then went back to similar conversation as before and i made excuses got up and made coffee and left- she was having a coffee with me before I left and kept saying she felt guilty- I apologised for her feeling that way. After the two minutes of touching she had also kissed my chest/back etc.
Anyway, two nights ago I got a text from her boyfriend saying that I had touched her when she was sleeping and that she had been to victim support. I apologised for what had happened but explained that it was not like that- she had been awake and it was my hand that was moved down. He wasn't for believing it, and I fully appreciate the anger, but i could not and would not lie about what had happened. He mentioned the police and I said
I would meet him to discuss what had happened. Texts went back and forward and he eventually said he would not say anything due to my family but I was to avoid all contact and possible crossing of paths...I obviously agreed.
But I have felt ill since, both at the accusations and the thought of my family being told - I even for the last day have thought over in my head about what it would mean to take my own life. My mother and fiancée are both survivors of sexual abuse - I could not physically not do what I have been accused of. I was an idiot, but I did not go seeking something that night, I just didn't think. Any advice for what I should or should not do - feel I have no one to talk to. I genuinely am not afraid to speak to my fiancée for my own protection....she suffers from depression and I don't think she could cope. Just wish I had gone home that night or even woken up when this girl first decided to get into the bed.

[Franticwithworry]

Hi Loki, this is a big burden to carry alone though I quite understand that you don't want to tell your family or burden your fiancée. It sounds as though these two are just trying to frighten you and they are doing a very good job, but it's important not to be bullied by them.

There's every chance that you've heard the end of things, but you know this man better than I do, even if you only know him slightly.

I know it's terribly worrying, but honestly I think the best thing to do at the moment is nothing. They have said that they won't go to the police and you've agreed that there should be no further contact between any of you. That's really good. That said, it would be a good idea to keep the texts and if you have a safe place to keep a piece of paper, write down everything that you remember and keep it hidden - not to give to the police if they question you but to keep your memory fresh and to show to a solicitor should you ever need it, but that's just something you could do for yourself without involving anyone else.

It honestly sounds to me as though you'll hear no more about this. I certainly hope so, but please try not to worry about it. Take what he said about leaving you alone at face value and don't go to any more parties where you get drunk.

[Loki]

Thanks - I hadn't really thought about them trying to scare me, but guess it makes sense. The sick feeling has kind of passed, still feeling anxious as hell, but also really angry.

I should have known at the time, especially with her saying doing that to someone sleeping when we had literally just been talking and then her going on about feeling guilty.

I guess as time passes with nothing happening the anxiety will go - I've visited a counsellor to try and deal with the negative thoughts I've been having since they text me. I'm praying that will be the end of it, and although avoiding them may mean not seeing some people I would refer to as friends- my family is the most important thing to me, even though I messed up big time for falling or someone like that.

Hopefully something positive can come out of this negative - just a bit of a reality check that someone can simply lie or even worse convince themselves and others that what they are saying is actually true, while the innocent party (well for the accusation anyway) is sick with worry and doubting themselves. The world really is full of horrible people.

Thanks for the advice, it really did help, just hope that's the end....although part of me would love to get the chance to challenge them, but just not worth it.