what itS like to be falsely accused of rape

[frightened spouse]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-f...d-of-rape.html

[jimmydaroma]

What is like to be accused of rape

Hi.

I wrote an in-depth overview of my situation but my computer suddenly reset and I lost it all. To be honest I nearly hit my computer screen. This is the first time I have ever come looking for support

I have been falsely accused by Child Protection of abusing a girl, I don't even know the specifics, I just know that it has been "confirmed" by Child Protection. I am lucky that at this stage no criminal charges have been laid- so far. Although I had a weird experience where I suspect I was being followed by undercover police. It was truly bizarre but it could be coincidental and a misinterpretation.

All the various people in my life that i loved have been ripped away.

I cannot have any contact with my best friend, who is a female. They have told her if she contacts me at all they will take her children away in effect. They physically examined her daughter and forensically interviewed her, and found NO evidence of abuse, but still will not let me have contact with her because of the original historical allegation of abuse. I have a VERY close bond to her and her daughter, we were very close, family to each other. They have even forced the mother to delete and remove ALL photos of me that the daughter had access to including photos of us all together.

I have certainly, and I will only say this once, I have NEVER in any way ever abused a child, and I certainly know what abuse is. I have absolutely zero sympathy for true abusers of women or children, I absolutely believe they should suffer extensive, long terms of imprisonment.

As I am on a low income and cannot afford legal support I have come to realize that there is no real way I can fight Child Protection, and I basically have to avoid being close to anybody that happens to have children lest they come in and threaten them as well. Most of my friends are poor and disadvantaged and don't have the money to fight in court, but who is going to want to risk their children being taken away for associating with me?

I am very fortunate, in that even though I can't contact my best friend I know she 100% believes in me and wishes she could see me. I also have the support of various other people including the entire family of the girl I have been "convicted" (by Child Protection) of abusing.

I guess my story is not as bad as some peoples- not yet. I have never been charged with any offence, but I have lost the people I consider family, and the whole matter of being alleged to be a sexual abuser of children, has had a horrendous effect on me mentally. I constantly have bad dreams and night mares, and I sort of obsessed and unable to stop thinking about the matter.I have gone through ALL the various types of emotions. I am suffering from serious mental trauma.

I am here not just for myself but to offer empathy and support for ANYONE else falsely accused of a sex crime, and I will presume your innocence on here, unless I am given very good reason to think otherwise.

Nobody really understands what I am going through, I can't talk to people about it, people ASSUME the worst and have no empathy if you even bring up the matter. And I have no idea who to explain it to people, because the situation is extraordinarily complex.

We all know we are guilty until proven innocent.

I have only lost my reputation and everything that brings happiness and meaning to my life, and they have hurt the people I love. At least I have my freedom though.

I am trying, on my own, to fight this, I find going into it in detail though has a very negative effect on my mental health. I have to keep focusing on the matter, when I very much need to purge it out of my head.

Take care everyone. i will be sticking around to offer support. I have not offered very much specific information, as I am terrified of being persecuted further by Child Protection or perhaps even the police.

I have really lost faith in society and humanity, and if I had the money and means I would leave my country forever and renounce my citizenship. I said this to someone and they said this would make me look guilty if I got up and left. However I very much wish to live somewhere where the government does not have the power to do this to me, based on secret evidence, and secret witnesses, and a whole process where I cannot defend myself.

I understand the need the protect children from abuse, but there has to be a better way than utterly destroying the lives and emotional well being of people who are entirely innocent.

Bye

I can totally understand you.

[jittery]

Hi

I can totally understand you.

Likewise, my life isn't in tatters yet, but I'm finding people don't understand the process of investigation. There is an, or seems to be, assumption that if the charges are false the accused is nfa'd almost immediately. As this drags on, inevitably people with no understanding seem to start judging, the tacit assumption being "well there must be something in it otherwise they'd've dropped it by now.
For myself, if things go the way they should and I am free to resume my life in a few weeks time fair enough. If the worst comes to the worst and I end up doing time, I shall be disillusioned to say the least, possibly even warped.
But then like life, justice isn't always fair! Doesn't really register till it slaps you in the face does it?
All the best, hope things work out as well as they can.
Stay strong!
J

[anonsteve]

Life aint fair

yes, and I think this is important. We all mouth the words "life aint fair", probably to our kids, and as kids we were told that. But nevertheless it seems like that the assumption of some kind of elemental fairness is basic to our being a social species. And the media reinforces that life should be fair, almost all the movies show us that good triumphs, and evil eventually loses (don't even start me on religion).

I think it might almost be possible to say the deeper realisation that life aint fair could be diagnosable. I suffer from agoraphobia as a result of my experiences. I think that a better definition of what I suffer is lifeaintfairism. Maybe me getting well might just me rebelieving in that myth. And maybe the treatment is evidence that evil does lose out.

I like to think I am a rational person, but I would enjoy the medicine of evidence that life is fair so that I can lose myself in that myth again. Certainly if the perjury case goes to trial, I shall report it here (notwithstanding the constraints of legal reporting restriction). However, I don't expect that to help anyone else combat their realisation that life is sh*t, then you die.

[jittery]

Hi

yes, and I think this is important. We all mouth the words "life aint fair", probably to our kids, and as kids we were told that. But nevertheless it seems like that the assumption of some kind of elemental fairness is basic to our being a social species. And the media reinforces that life should be fair, almost all the movies show us that good triumphs, and evil eventually loses (don't even start me on religion).

I think it might almost be possible to say the deeper realisation that life aint fair could be diagnosable. I suffer from agoraphobia as a result of my experiences. I think that a better definition of what I suffer is lifeaintfairism. Maybe me getting well might just me rebelieving in that myth. And maybe the treatment is evidence that evil does lose out.

I like to think I am a rational person, but I would enjoy the medicine of evidence that life is fair so that I can lose myself in that myth again. Certainly if the perjury case goes to trial, I shall report it here (notwithstanding the constraints of legal reporting restriction). However, I don't expect that to help anyone else combat their realisation that life is sh*t, then you die.

Well, I don't know. It's easy for me to say at the moment; I'm only 6 1/2 weeks in, but the way I am trying to look at it is that I've had 51 mostly good years before this happened, which is a better life than quite a few. I am also a fatalist, I'm not quite in the school of Robert Locke et al. in the belief that everything happens for the best, but if this is meant to be then so be it (although here I am still feeling that "this" should be an nfa).
Also look at the flip side. From the point of view of genuine victims of rape, imagine (if we can) how they feel seeing their abuser walk free, I would say that life has been fairer to you than them: I'm not belittling the way you feel, just trying to put a more positive slant on things. From what I think you've said you were nfa'd so at least to that extent life was fair.
I agree with rights fighter and casehardened. We need to look at why we got into this mess. I think I have a knight in shinning armour complex (if there is such a thing). I am enormously attracted to messes and the urge to better their life (and thereby my own). If everything goes the way it should and I am nfa'd then I'm seriously thinking about counselling, but I'm such a wimp I'll struggle. Of course I always fail in my knightly role.
Having a relatively high IQ, I have a correspondingly low EQ. I always regarded the Carl Rogers model of self centered counselling as weak: maybe I was afraid because it involves opening up to feelings. I wanted to be a counsellor but backed off when I realised I would have to be counselled myself. Maybe that's what this experience is all about for me.
Anyway, I ramble, who knows maybe Bhuddists are right and I am punished for being the chief executioner in a previous life who knows. My feelings may change if things go sour for me, but I'd like to think I'll find some positives somewhere.
J

[anonsteve]

Ok, so there is an experiential difference here. I was never arrested, in fact at two years, when the accusations were still rolling in, I was in the end hoping I would be (this may be an anathema to others here).

As I was accused of absolutely everything, including terrorism and then just work downwards, and from someone I had lived with for 20 years, the shock, and the continuing rolling-in of these waves of nonsense, for 21/2 years, I think the resilience I had for the first year or two just wore me down.

However, with social services, women's aid, and just about every other agency having the natural assumption that women don't lie, I ended up wanting to be arrested so that I could show my innocence. Ok, so I have avoided some of the horrors that others here have described, but the pure length of time the accusations grew within, and extended across every element of my life (and of course being completely antagonistic to my profession) the destruction is impossible to describe.

[jittery]

apologies

Ok, so there is an experiential difference here. I was never arrested, in fact at two years, when the accusations were still rolling in, I was in the end hoping I would be (this may be an anathema to others here).

As I was accused of absolutely everything, including terrorism and then just work downwards, and from someone I had lived with for 20 years, the shock, and the continuing rolling-in of these waves of nonsense, for 21/2 years, I think the resilience I had for the first year or two just wore me down.

However, with social services, women's aid, and just about every other agency having the natural assumption that women don't lie, I ended up wanting to be arrested so that I could show my innocence. Ok, so I have avoided some of the horrors that others here have described, but the pure length of time the accusations grew within, and extended across every element of my life (and of course being completely antagonistic to my profession) the destruction is impossible to describe.

My god what a state of affairs, I can quite understand that, 2 years! Sorry, I thought you'd been charged, gone through the process and been nfa'd. Well I'm starting to feel that after 6 1/2 weeks I'd just like an outcome so lord knows what it must be like after 2 1/2 years!
Yes, I'm starting to find that a lot of people do assume women don't lie. All of my evidence hangs upon whether deleted text messages can be recovered or not. If they can't, I've had it I suspect. I've looked at the new cps guidelines and it looks as though anybody going to court is doomed unless they are lucky. I've known a few policemen and they all think that a lot of rape accusations are false, but getting any of them to say that officially is out of the quesation because they would be crucified.
I was thinking on Oscar Wilde's treatment, today nobody would really care about his sexual orientation, in his day he lost the lot. In a few years time I doubt that convictions for sex crimes will carry the same stigma as there will be so many of them and a lot of people will know falsely accused people.
So if you don't mind me asking, where are you now in all of this has your own hell finished apart from the charges you are trying to bring against your accuser, or could it all blow up in your face again. I wondered why you were sounding the way you did, you don't seem like a weak person.