My experience.... just to add variation to the posts!

[isi]

Hi, first of all sorry for not being around. Things have been extremely mentally challenging as some can imagine.

The person who raped me was found guilty. Going to court was alwful, there are no two ways about it - it is just plain awful.

The wait leading up to the trial after trying to digest the abuse that you have gone through and then having to wait until you get called into the court room is mentally and physically challlenging. Knowing that you are going to be in the same room as that person is the most awful, scary thing and it is the last place that you would rather be.

No matter how many police men ect were there all I could think was 'he is gonna hurt me, he is gonna do something, there is only a screne separating us!' I think I was having constant panick attacks and it drained the life and soul out of me.

As far as the court process was it went as smoothly as possible. It lasted one week. I gave me evidence, all the evidence the police had collected was shown in court (medical evidence/text messages), then my witnesses,the police and then he gave his version of events.

The judge summed it up by saying that there is more than enough evidence to suggets that rape has taken place. The jury gave a verdict within the first couple of hours - so I think it may possibly have been majority vote but not sure how it works!

the judicial system worked for me, but my case was very clear, straight forward and because I did not lie about anything even things that I knew could possibly make me look bad and things that I was really embarrassed about- but now I look back they are very minor to the actual act itself. I think when lies start being thrown about then that is when things get messy.....like him - he lied and it showed because he forgot his own lies and he lied about stuff when there was clear evidence to say opposite. Staying focussed is so important when getting your side of what happened across to a jury.

Unfortunately I passed out half way through being cross examined - my ex who abused me jumped up in the court room and started shouting and threatening me and due to not eating my body packed in for a moments rest on the floor. Ir really was all very traumatic.

I think I may have been an exception to many victims but from the beggining I was believed, I was treated in a respectful way by everyone I had to meet, the police, forensics, councellors - just everyone, even the judge was amazing and he really gave me some energy in the trial. The defence kept on throwing accusations at me - like - you were wearing a strappy top, you wanted him, and he kept talking over me when I was trying to answer his accusations - I am a quietly spoken person and not the most confident (but it is coming back slowly though) so it was easy for him to talk over me. Anyway the judge told him off about doing that and this gave me a kick start so I sat up straight in the court room and told them what happened and for a moment I felt quite empowered. I knew then that I should not take any **** and I really had to speak up or I was going to be walked all over and mentally raped all over again and I could not let that happen. It just peeved me a little that a man took away my empowerment only to be empowered by a man??!I found that quite strange..... but thats what happened. The judge helped me put a little bit of faith back into men..... the small things eh?

I tried to use this site for more emotional/mental help but now realise that this site is not that geared up for emotional support. Alot of debates, advice, exchange of experiece goes on here which is good as different perspectives are always needed. It would be nice to have emotional support somewhere on here. Somewhere safe to express yourself without being jugded or without feelings being debated. Just being able to offload.... sometimes you just need to talk/type without a response and just an acknowlegment, without a debate about how you are feeling as it is impossible to debate how someone else is feeling as only they know!

Each person's experience is different and I know that after going to court and standing up for myself I could not do that again unless I really really had to like I did this time.

All the things that have happened to me in the past, child prostitution, rape, beatings, kidnapping and all that jazz that goes with it I am going to try and put behind me. Part of me feels guilty, I am letting him walk away, get away with it and I was so strong this time but I dont think I could cope with telling the police, going to court and coming out the other end sane or even alive if I am lucky.... this I would like to find out peoples views about - what would you do if you were me?it happened 12 yes ago and lasted for three years

[RFLH]

Hi isi, thank you so much for posting up your experience, it must have been hard for you to do. I admire you for doing that.

I'm very pleased that you got the result you did.

I have noticed that support isn't great on here for rape survivors and I wish there was. I think most people here are wrongly accused and find it hard to empathise when they're about to be jailed for something they haven't done.

Thanks again for posting and I hope that you can soon pick up the threads of your life to go forwards, without dwelling too much on the past.

[Rights Fighter]

I am sorry that you had such a horrendous time.

I am concerned that you said:

The judge summed it up by saying that there is more than enough evidence to suggest that rape has taken place.

Are you 100% sure that this is what the judge said?

If this really was said than do not be surprised if an appeal application is underway. The judge is not allowed to give a strong opinion that is likely to sway the jury. I would check that with the police (who can check with the crown) as I would hate for this to happen and for you not to be aware of it until the police inform you at a later stage.

[isi]

Hi rf!

The cid officer told me after he was sentenced that the judge summed it up at the end with something to that effect, maybe not word for word but that there was enough evidence! i dont know if the judge ever speaks to the officers throughout the trial or not - maybe he said it then when he was not in the court room? - and it is second hand info as I was not in the court room at the time. So who knows.

And I got the sentence all wrong, he got 7 yrs and I was told he will probably do around 4 yrs. I was in a bit of a mess afterwards and did not really take that much info in.

All I know is that it is over and I can try and move on, look after the kids, go back to work and try and love mym life again. I am not bothered weather he is in prison or not as all I wanted was for him to stay away from me.

What I do want to know is if there is anything that can be put in place when the sentence finishes so that he cannot come near me. I have his child and that alone will give him an excuse to try and get to me. I am seeing a vlo next week so hopefully I will find out more then......

[Rights Fighter]

SS would have a lot to say about a man who has been convicted of rape having access to a child especially these days where SS have been shown to be "wanting". They will go overboard I would think to prove they are doing the job properly. You could of course move away too as that would be a brand new start.

[isi]

very good point about ss. they are in such a dissapointing situation at the moment.

I have moved to a different area in Jan this yr as i did not want to be in the same house.... I also started a new job that he does not know about either.so we are all settled in that way its just that I am a bit worried aboout putting my name on electoral register as you can order copies of it ect.... I really dont want him to track me down at all!

[Rights Fighter]

YOu can choose to put your name on the "edited" list which means that nobody can go and look for you. I had to do that when I moved where I am now as I didn't want my abusive ex finding me. As a "victim" of violence you can actually find a liaison officer from local plod shop to talk to. I forget what they are called - I helped a local woman whose partner had found her despite moving from Wales and going through various refuges.

He wanted to see their son. SS involved and she found a DVO (Domestic Violence Officer I think it is) here even though the assaults took place in Wales. I found her a solicitor and the next hearing is in July.

She now has panic buttons around her house and he has an injunction not to approach her. If you ask you will get help.

[friday]

so glad to hear you got the result you deserved. 7 years doesnt sounds like a lot for the crimes's impact on your life but it is actually 2 years over suggested minimum, and huge numbers of convictions get less than 5 years so thats great!

hopefully moving away will help you get a fresh start. like the others have said it is unlikely he will be able to see his child given the current events regards social services. however he may be granted contact via a contact centre where he would be supervised and you would not have to see him. this will be in 4 years times though, so dont fret about it yet. just bear in mind that they will consider whether the child is in danger (i.e. has he ever done things to children), not you (although obviously they would consider your safety by not allowing him to know where you live or what school your child goes to.) im just telling you this because i know that my father, a convicted drug dealer, was given unsupervised visits with me despite the fact he had abused my mother (and phsically abused my sister on occasions, though social services were not aware of that). he wasn't allowed to know where we lived (we had a meeting point for visits) although he often tried to get information out of me.

i obviously dont know a huge amount about him and this may be null and void if he has convictions for child abuse or is known to social services.

nice to hear the legal system has worked for a change. and that you felt supported by police etc. the defence barrister has to be a knob, its his job but you survived it!

i hope everything works out and you get the emotional support you need, where ever its from.

[isi]

thanks, I was not aware of the help I could get in regards to that. I moved from one end of the country to the other to get away from my first partner and then had to move again recently due to this happening.

I am sure that you can purchase the 'edited version'? something I will have to look up! as I do want to vote and have put it off for years because I did not want to be on the register.

Friday - thanks for the reply! 7 yrs is nothing but it was a positive thing when I realised that he will probably do four years and was not sentenced to four years so that was a result in the eyes of the police I suppose.

After reporting him to the police I found out that he has a number of children going into double figures, and that he was already on the sex offenders register but not sure what for! I feel sick even typing about him so will leave at that - but even that little bit of information says alot about him... I am just sickened that I even trusted him. So hopefully he wont even try and get access......

[Rights Fighter]

Members of the public cannot purchase the edited lists from the electoral registers. I would go to the town hall (or where the registers are held)and talk to somebody there - they will put your mind at rest.

[Saffron]

Good to see you back Isi, I am glad that you are getting your life back on track! The best form of revenge is survival. It's also very good to see you and Friday supporting the survivors of rape as well. Thankyou!

[frankgallagherwasere]

Only 7 yrs

Isi Hi again

It isnt only 7 out in 4 its a sentence for life, even for those falsely accused. He wont be able to easily get house insurance, cheap car insurance is almost impossible and completely impossible for sports cars and he will always be a target for the Police should anything appear remotely related to him. The system will not allow him to forget you can rest assured of that.

Is this revenge? OR should you think of it as punishment !! One thing you can be assured of, the system will punish him for every day he is alive, he will never be able to forget he was convicted.

Oh yes he cant go to the USA, Canada Australia New Zealand and ,and many other places too !! Finding a job could and is for some almost impossible except if they change trades.

He might even had to get permission to have a girlfriend, and if she has kids he can forget it !!

Dont you worry HE WILL SUFFER !! He will never ever forget !!

[isi]

for me it was never about revenge. I just wanted to feel safe and have him out of my life without have to move hundreds of mikes away. I wanted him to stay away from me. I will now feel safe until his sentence is up and then he is free again...

I will never forget the things he has done to me.

I was enver really into the ins and outs of the case. It was about how I felt. I am still not really sure how everything went with the case as I told my soit I did not want to know as it would just upset me. that man needs to be castrated he is horrid and the thought of him majes my sjin crawl. I just wish he would rot in prison.

[Rights Fighter]

FG said: Oh yes he cant go to the USA, Canada Australia New Zealand and ,and many other places too !!

He certainly will not be allowed in USA or Australia as they do not allow anybody on the SOR to enter those countries, unless things have radically changed very recently!

[RFLH]

That's what FG said!