Can the police really play these games?

[Faith]

Indeed and to an extent, it will not truly ever go away.
Once you've been tarred with this experience, you walk on eggshells for the rest of your life

That's not to say you can;t go on to live a relatively normal life...but your outlook and behaviour does change significantly and irreversably...

As the poster above me says, it is very normal behaviour just now, so don't beat yourself up about it or think you're going crazy. You're in a surreal and unexpected situation which a person like yourself isn't equipped to handle easily. By 'a person like yourself' I mean that you are not generally in trouble with the law. I don;t mean to imply that you're not strong. Quite the opposite in fact

Keep going, it will get easier.

[NotSoHappy]

My accuser is now 19! And I have children, under the age of 11 which is why my bail condition is only within the age range of the alleged offence- the police agreed im of no risk to my children, social services haven't been informed. They are like bulls in a china shop on one side of things and strangely lax on others. I avoided a family children's party because I didn't want people to be uncomfortable with me being there- family life shouldn't be affected but it is. The accuser is saying that I possibly "incited sexual activity" with them perhaps before they turned 16. All this for a throw away comment x

[J&PVTHW]

I think how you are thinking and feeling is as faith and i have said is 'normal' in these circumstances. I have distanced myself from most and have become nervous around people so dont be alarmed by your outlook at life at the moment.
I hope that over time my family WILL rebuild our lives although somehow i doubt we will ever truely be the same which is kind of sad

My son's accuser is 13 hence him being removed from our family home and bailed to a different address only being allowed supervised visits at home when my daughter (14) is there. I am angry and frustrated by this as, as you have said on one person's word our family life has been turned upside down.

After 5 months in this nightmare i still cannot fathem out how the police work. They impose bail conditions that are almost a nightmare for familys to adhere to without massive disruption yet fail to check that the conditions are being met.

[Faith]

Sometimes bail conditions are for genuine safety issues. Other times they can be used to make life difficult...in the hope that a confession may be forthcoming...

[J&PVTHW]

Where bail conditions are imposed on families that significantly restrict every member of that same family i find very unfair based on one person's word.

My argument has always been with 'our bail conditions' is that if my son is a danger to my daughter why havent the police interviewed her and why havent social services arranged to visit our home?

I understand and accept that certain conditions need to be met for genuine safety but surely a 'risk assesment' is all thats needed by the relevant authorities and not to tar everyone with the same brush ? I accept that these dreadful crimes are committed but on the other hand i see people every day on here whose lives are in pieces because the authorities treat them with so little respect and decency.

[Faith]

Imagine the headlines however if they didn't impose bail conditions and the person was guilty and offended again during the interim?

[wunderland]

I found ever since being falsely accused i have become part of a weird japanese phenomenon where i have been put through so much horror i have completely withdrawn from society and am completely satisfied by speaking to only 2 people a day and hate leaving my house it's sad


hikikomori





The Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare defines hikikomori as people who refuse to leave their house and, thus, isolate themselves from society in their homes for a period exceeding six months.[1] The psychiatrist Tamaki Saitō defines hikikomori as "A state that has become a problem by the late twenties, that involves cooping oneself up in one’s own home and not participating in society for six months or longer, but that does not seem to have another psychological problem as its principal source." [2] More recently, researchers have suggested six specific criteria required to "diagnose" hikikomori: 1) spending most of the day and nearly every day confined to home, 2) marked and persistent avoidance of social situations, 3) symptoms interfering significantly with the person’s normal routine, occupational (or academic) functioning, or social activities or relationships, 4) perceiving the withdrawal as ego-syntonic, 5) duration at least six months, and 6) no other mental disorder that accounts for the social withdrawal and avoidance.[3]

While the degree of the phenomenon varies on an individual basis, in the most extreme cases, some people remain in isolation for years or even decades. Often hikikomori start out as school refusals, or futōkō (不登校) in Japanese (an older term is tōkōkyohi (登校拒否)). The Ministry of Health estimates that about 3,600,000 hikikomori live in Japan[4], about one third of whom are aged 30 and older.

[wunderland]

@J&PVTHW I think it's absolutely disgusting they have taken your son from the house he lives in poor innocent lad they are basturds

[wunderland]

poor guy he must be so truamatized

[J&PVTHW]

That was the point i was making wunderland, to be falsely accused of rape at 18 is bad enough, then to be removed from your family home where you have lived all your life is horrendous. I am sad that you are withdrawing from society Wunderland but can completely understand and relate to your feelings. It is very easy to stay indoors and hide away from the outside world. I too am guilty of this but fear if i continue this way i will eventually cut myself off from society altogether.
I now force myself to at least one day per week were my husband and i do not talk about the case and the allegations.
I now go out once a week for dinner with my husband and brothers.
I walk the dogs with my children in order that we try and maintain normallity.
I find nothing better for my wellbeing than walking on the beach early on a sunday morning with next to nobody about where its just me, my dogs and my thoughts.
Try it !!

Faith, i accept that bail conditions are imposed for that very reason but surely to god somebody in authority should have come and spoken to my daughter who is only a year older than the person accusing my son? My point was that the police impose bail conditions on individuals without conducting any further enquiries. When i have challenged the police regarding these conditions they have basically stated that they have a duty of care to my daughter to keep her safe BUT in the next breath are not interested in speaking to her, take a statement off her nor wishing to explore her relationship with her brother. The social services state that my daughter is in no danger as my son has been removed from his home. They too are not interested in speaking with my daughter. So everywhere you turn you are met with red tape. Frustration is an understatement !!!!!

[NotSoHappy]

Is there no way you can challenge this at magistrates? Surely if he's supervised- ie there's someone else home he's absolutely no "risk" in the eyes of the law to your daughter? I think it's one rule for one and another rule for another. My two children are boys. If my accuser was telling the truth arguably someone should be looking at my boys. I actually asked if social services would be doing an assessment, I was told this wasn't at all necessary. I've been on tenterhooks all day waiting for the phone to ring, it hasn't and I'm again back in limbo. X

[J&PVTHW]

We have already challenged bail when my son went to answer bail a few weeks ago. The custody sargent telephoned the arresting officer who simply stated that he could not allow my son home (even though my husband and i work from home) as my son could sneek into my daughters bedroom when we are asleep.
Shocking really !!

Our solicitor has suggested that while the CPS still have the file and no decision as yet has been taken to charge my son it is best not to 'rock the boat' by challenging the decision in court. IF my son is charged then my solicitor is more than happy to challenge the bail conditions.

I think it depends really on who you have as the arresting officer and where you are in the country as it really is a lottery. I too have asked for social services to come and do an assessment but this has been declined.

Hopefully we will get the outcome we all are longing for in the not a too distant future. xxx

[wunderland]

Yes thank god when i was arrested the two detectives where very nice to me and respected i did not want to make any comment also from the lady detective was so nice to me through all this 2 years of bullcrap she has let me go overseas a few times and am allowed to go an come back she cut my reporting for bail to the police station from 5 days a week to just once a week I have to say they were probably the only 2 nice police people i have met in the past 2 years who were kind and then you can get some lunatic police officers that won't stop until they are forced to leave you alone i have been lucky

[wunderland]

I really think it is santanic to take the poor 18 year old boy from his mothers house i mean for ****s sake .Just another example of power hungry police or a system that has failed BIG TIME! poor kid omg

[NotSoHappy]

Bail date is drawing closer. Does anyone think it's worth contacting my solicitor and seeing what the police are upto? Can they give any indication of whether it's going to be a rebail, nfa or charge or do they like to give a nasty surprise?